am i ranting? i hope not.

"talaga?"

"weh, di nga?"

"no stir tsong?"

"ang KJ mo naman!"

"totoo ba talaga yan?"

...

enumerated above are exasperated expressions from people around me. Classmates, friends, cousins, former classmates (high school), and maybe more. try bringing me to a neighborhood inuman and you'll see the little known fact about me that drives these dumbfounded exclamations.

I DON'T DRINK. PERIOD.

no, not drinking water and other fluids per se. don't be stupid. what i don't drink is alcohol, and other drinks that people prohibit you when you are young, or in the case of the US, something that is worth getting a fake ID for.

i remember when i was in elementary, the craze when you're young was Cali Shandy. semi-alcohol. it's like the tutorial for drinking beer. it's got a little alcohol content on it, but not in massive amounts like beer. i heard from my friends that it still had a kick (or maybe because we were little kids back then. grade 5 isn't really old you know), and it was a very enjoyable drink.

when i entered college, i presumed that maybe the majority of people in my school drink. and i wasn't wrong. clubs flanked our campus (i study in Malate for crying out loud) and getting a drink was a few steps away. but i wasn't really into this drinking until my classmates started organizing these forays into clubs. it was like a drinking session for the whole block. unfortunately, i only drank water and softdrinks (and a little iced tea) the whole time. people didn't really notice it, since we were like so many (around 20 something).

the time when my non-alcoholism really went into the spotlight was when we were invited into this drinking session at my former classmate's house (name withheld), organized by my current blockmate (name also withheld) because my current blockmate has been experiencing problems of the heart (love for the stupid man who cannot decipher what i am saying).

so there we were, the six of us, minus me of course, who were drinking. since we were really few, my former classmate really tried his best to persuade me to drink. his efforts were vain of course. but this time, they turned on to my girlfriend (who likes to drink by the way), and well, she refused the first time, thinking what might happen if she drinks in front of me. after much prodding however, i relented. the night was one of the most unforgettable nights of my life. in a lot of ways good, and then some bad.

bad. i don't smoke, i don't drink, i don't gamble. practically i don't have vices. if basketball were a vice then that may be my vice. but i don't really engage myself in items which have a "sin tax" on them.

maybe it's really selfish in my part to prohibit someone from enjoying something that she likes to do. but then again, i really hate drinkers. i remember nights when my dad comes home to the house then pukes on the toilet because he was so drunk. thankfully that's over. i remember being texted by someone who was so drunk that she threatened to slash herself because a certain boy did not appease to her feelings (the boy was definitely not me), and the bad part was that in that certain time i was pursuing her. people do a lot of crazy shit when they are drunk. maybe i can attest to some good things crazy people do. but other than that, nah, crazy shit. either being silent or very audacious, wailing and walking in a very unbalanced manner. it would be a really great idea if i had a video camera with me then i'd record the shit they do. but then i'm not a person who would go out of his way to abuse one's alcoholism and ruin their day afterwards.

i don't try to pull off the image of a holy man for not having any vices. it's just that i don't like partaking in activities like that. and the fact that i am allergic to them (tobacco and alcohol) makes me more comfortable in staying as the way i am.

although a dilemma strikes me. do i pursue the selfishness of mine and forbid a person very dear to me from enjoying happiness or do i let the person be? then i'd deal with what happens later. it's still a big problem to me. something that moves me to tears while thinking about it on the bus. haha emote emote pa no?

i'm still buying to the idea of talking to my mom. i don't really know what would happen if i break down in front of her, but maybe she'll be able to talk sense into my head.

or maybe i should just follow suit and drink? nah, not really my style of coping.

blog roll

kagabi ko pa gustong magblog. tinamad lang ako kakanood ng nba at kasi kating-kati na ako maglaro. hehehe. adik na uli ako sa dungeon siege 2. tapusin ko muna yun bago ko i download yung expansion pack. hehe parang low res na granado espada lang, although limited lang yung classes. tsaka natutuwa ako kasi kada palit ng equips nakikita sa character. parang diablo. hehehe..

kamakailan sabi ng girlfriend ko (nakanang may girlfriend na! haha), nationalistic daw ako. hahaha.. di ko alam kung bakit, pero sang-ayon naman ako sa sinasabi nya. mas may pakialam na ako ngayon sa nangyayari di tulad nung hayskul ako na parang tanga lang. haha.. gusto ko rin na lumabas na ang totoo. gusto ko rin na magkaroon ng kontribusyon patungo sa makabuluhang pagbabago. at gusto kong maging doktor upang magpagaling ng tao at siguruhin na ang lahat ng pasyenteng dadaan sa akin ay may mataas na antas ng kalusugan.

bakit ba ako naging ganito? siguro dahil na rin sa kurso ko at sa pinapasukan kong pamantasan. malaki rin pala ang dulot ng academic freedom sa isang mag-aaral. nagagawa kong makipagsapalaran at makakuha ng ibang ideya mula sa iba't ibang mga katauhan. marami na akong natutunan, pero sabi nga ng isa kong propesor, napakarami pang pwedeng matutunan sa mundo. kaya ngayon nasa yugto ako ng pagpapalawak ng aking mga interes. tambay tambay na sa lib, hanap ng librong pwedeng basahin. nahihilig na ako ngayon sa linguistics at kay Jung. pero di pa ako nakakahanap ng free time tumambay sa lib. siguro next year.

napansin kong tagalog na ang madalas na gamit ko tuwing magbblog. dulot na rin siguro to ng pagiging patriotiko ko. di pa naman nawawala ang kakayahan kong magsulat sa ingles (patunay ay ang 1.0 na nakuha ko sa aking paper na ipinost ko rito kamakailan) at wala akong balak iwala yun. siguro depende na lang sa aking mood ngayon kung anong lenggwahe ang mas pinipili kong gamitin upang ihayag ang damdamin ko. kaya eto tagalog na ulit. hehehe..

so ayan, malapit na pala ang practicum namin. masayang karanasan to. sana maging maayos ang lahat.


aba! nakakatatlong post na pala ako. hehe, kaya nga blog roll pangalan nitong post na to e. :P

something to ponder upon

Of all the ideas that became the United States, there's a line here that's at the heart of all the others. "But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and provide new Guards for their future security."

- Ben Gates (National Treasure)

?!

ilan sa mga bagay na aking napansin nitong mga nakaraang araw:

1. meron tayong rice shortage. oo tama rice shortage. sa isang bansang agrikultural tulad natin. nakakatawa. at naglalaan ang ating gobyerno ngayon ng P60 billion para sa bigas!! aangkatin ito mula pa sa vietnam kung saan ang mga dalubhasa ay dumayo pa sa Pilipinas upang mag-aral ukol sa advanced farming and argicultural methods. nakakahiya!

2. meron din palang mga hardcore na tibak na patron din ng Starbucks at Mcdonalds. ok na yung nagsusuot sila ng havaianas eh, pero maging patron ng Mcdo at Starbs? baka hindi kasama sa pinaglalaban nila yung komersyalisasyon ng pagkain. masyado yata silang busy ipaglaban yung pagtaas ng tuition. pero di mo rin naman masisisi yung mga yon, nagugutom din naman sila tulad natin. split level activism ba ito?

3. nakakatuwang ginawa ang Saligang Batas na naglalaman ng kolektibong kagustuhan ng taumbayan, pero may sapat na "leg room" pa rin ito upang mailiko at maabuso ng mga taong nasa kapangyarihan. (tulad ng isang unano dyan sa Malakanyang)

4. may kakayahan din palang mag-number 1 ang mga kanta ni erik santos at kung sinu-sino pang mga dating kalahok ng mga singing contest sa MTV. (pagbaba ng quality standard? haha)



sa kabuuan, masasabi kong bumababa na ang estado ng lipunan dito sa ating bayan. marami pang magagawa. simulan na natin ngayon.

hindi ko alam ang ipapamagat ko rito

nagbblog ako ngayon. maraming dahilan kung bakit, well, bukod sa hindi ako nakakain ng tokwa ngayong semana santa (hehe :P) e dahil ginawa namin ang taunang "visita iglesia" namin.

kala ko noon 14 dapat na simbahan ang dapat mong puntahan. pero pito lang pala dapat. ayon ito sa pitong katedral na nasa landas papuntang Roma noong Middle-Ages. kasi bawat taong nagnanais magpanata e dadaan muna sa pitong simbahan at magninilay sa harapan ng "blessed sacrament" ng simbahan. hindi pala yung Stations of the Cross yung bida. hehe.. pero dahil napapaloob na ito sa kulturang Pilipino ngayon, sikat na ang 14 na Istasyon ng Krus ni Hesukristo.

masarap ang bisita iglesia dahil para amin, ito ay part nature-trip at part religious activity. at ito rin ang isang araw sa buong taon na ako ay nakakabalik sa aking dating high school. kasi yun ay pinapatakbo ng mga pari, kaya may bisita iglesia rin sila sa chapel kung saan apat na taon din kaming nakilahok sa mga pangrelihiyosong gawain.

marami akong nagunita noong panahong iyon na nagbibisita kami. malaki na rin pala ang pinagbago ko simula noong nagtapos ako sa mataas na paaralan. naisip kong nakakatuwa sigurong magkita kami ng aking sarili noong mga panahon ng high school. ano kaya mapapag-usapan namin? parang tanga lang siguro yun na kausap ko ang sarili ko. pero sa tingin ko, kung nagkausap kami, marami akong ipapayo sa kanya. para matuwid yung mga kalokohan ko sa buhay. para maayos nya yung pag-aaral nya ng 3rd yr dahil dun pala nakasalalay yung UP application ko. haha sana nasa mabilis na daan ako tungo sa medisina. kaso mukhang hindi ganun ang gusto ng tadhana para sa akin. hindi ko naman sinisisi yun, dahil totoo namang marami akong natutunan, nakilala at nakita sa kakaibang daan na binigay sa akin ng tadhana.

kahit ano pa man ang mangyari, pagkatapos ng lahat ay magiging doktor pa rin ako na produkto ng Pamantasan ng Pilipinas-Kolehiyo ng Medisina. haha.

sa kabuuan ng bisita iglesia, nakapagnilay ako sa mga ginawa ko noong mga panahong iyon, mga dalawang taon na halos ang nakakaraan. alam siguro ng iba ang tinutukoy ko. iyon nga yun. hehehe. mahirap pala ang makalimot. mahirap din ang gawin ang lahat ng iyong makakaya na sa bandang huli ay mauuwi rin sa wala. mahirap mapaniwalaan na nangyari ang lahat ng iyon, dumating at nawala, nang hindi ko nalalaman ang dahilan kung bakit kailangan mangyari yun.

sabi ko nga, hanggang ngayon naiisip ko pa rin kung para saan ang karanasang iyon. hindi ko pa rin yata nakukuha ang aral nun.

maraming salita.
maraming luha.
maraming oras.

sadyang napakalaki na pala ng naipundar ko sa relasyon naming dalawa. pero ang konti pa lang naman ng panahong lumipas. apat na taon pa lang. o lima? hindi ko na rin alam.

kaarawan ngayon ng taong mahal ko. pagkakataon upang mapakita ko kung gaano sya kahalaga sa akin.


pagkakataon para masabi kong napakasaya ng buhay na andyan sya.
(biglang kambyo ang pinagsasabi ko ngayon no? ganun talaga.)

weirdo sila

had a great day today. me-ann and I went mall hopping, sale kasi. nakabili ako ng bagong denim jeans. wala na kasi akong jeans e, 3 pares lang meron ako tapos hirap pa magrotate ng damit. hehe ayoko magslacks andali kasi marumihan. i liked the pair that i brought, soft yung tela sarap nung fit sa binti. plus its just 400 pesos. i hated bench for having overly priced jeans, thank goodness for sales.

kaya sabi ko sa sarili ko, tuwing sale lang ako bibili ng pantalon. kasi sa bench lang ako nabili. (may naligaw na human na jeans kasi nga ang mamahal ng bench.)

many people do not know that I only stick to certain brands. really, tignan nyo yung mga damit ko at mga gamit sa bahay. hehe.. brand conscious ako. i even collect their tags (something that i don't do anymore due to lack of space to put them in)

bakit nga ba? di naman sa nagpapakasosy ako. sabi nga sa klase namin bentahe ng brand name ang panagutan ang kalidad ng kanilang binebentang produkto . if a brand establishes itself as a high quality brand (i.e. nike) then we can say that every other item associated or made under this brand can be expected to be of high class production. that's what's up with brands. i look for quality in what i use, plus i'm too lazy to memorize my sizes on different brands and it's too tedious to fit every single item i'm going to buy. saves me the hassle finding the right size for myself. i can just go in their store, and when i see something that may be worth buying, i just ask my size. no need to make tedious fittings.

so there, a little bit of trivia for people who don't know me yet manage to find my blog.

back to what i was supposed to type, i find some things about people which are weird.
things like:
- going inside the mall when the sign clearly reads EXIT
- going through the male line when they are actually females (not gays mind you)

these two things i often observe of people going to malls. are they stupid? or are they just itching to go inside the mall that they disregard the dignity that they have and embarrass themselves in front of people?

siguro kasi sale kaya nagmamadali. pero kakaiba pa rin. antatanda pa naman nila. at marami sila. wala man lang nakahalata na mali yung lugar na pinapasukan nila.

yun lang. hehe. may cable tv na kami. oye oye. :)

blog muna

rambol rambol siguro tong post na to. hehehe.. anyway, kakatapos lang ng pag gawa ko ng mga bagay. bale ang natitira na lang siguro ay:
- hum2 na exam ko
- results ng exam kay doc ed. na magdidikta kung babalik pa ba ako ng skul pagkatapos ng holy week.
- curriculum vitae (hindi talaga nauubos ang gawain kay sir john)

ayan na lang siguro. looking forward to my vacation. kahit maikli lang yun, tas practicum na. ok lang. at least eventful ang summer ngayon. kaso di ako makakanood ng NBA playoffs. asar naman yun. hahaha..

grabe talaga ang mundo ng pulitika. sa dami ng taong involved na gustong makakuha ng pwesto sa konseho, ayun andaming pinag gagawa. ay nako, sakit ng ulo.

answerte pala talaga ni GMA. ayaw talaga syang matanggal sa Malacañang. ipa assassinate na lang kasi yan. tas DCG na. hahaha!!!

ayun lang. para naman maupdate yung blog ko para sa mga taong dumadaan dito sa aking site.

p.s.
sa sinumang may alam kung san makakakuha ng kopya ng And1 mixtape tour (kahit anong volume), mangyari lamang na kontakin ako. hehe. :)

three things

medyo may sakit ako ngayon e. napasobra ang singhot ko ng alikabok kaya ayun nagkasinusitis ako.
sakit sa ulo. hehe tulo pa ng tulo yung mga bagay sa ilong ko. kailangan ko na rin pala magpahinga. pero update muna.

nga pala, salamat kay me-ann para sa cap na bigay nya. ang ganda talaga ng cap. nag abala ka pa talaga no? hahaha! salamat ulit! :)

tatlong bagay lang ang pagtutuunan ko ng pansin dito.

1. freedom wall ng UP
- aminado akong isa ako sa mga tumutuligsa sa freedom wall ukol sa mga nakasulat/likha na napapaloob dito. at dahil dito ay samu't saring mga reaksyon ang nakuha ko, kesyo raw karapatan naman daw nila ang iensayo ang kanilang kalayaan sa pagpapahayag.

medyo napaisip ako, siguro nga ganun iyon, pero may mali talaga sa ginagawa nila. hindi ko malaman kung ano ito, hanggang sa isang araw nakita ko sa akda ng isang librong nabasa ko ang mga salitang ito..

"freedom is only a negative aspect of a whole phenomenon whose positive aspect is RESPONSIBILITY. Freedom degenerates into an arbitrary agent once it is lived beyond the lines of responsibility. As with the United States of America, I propose a Statue of Responsibility as a counterpart of the Statue of Liberty."

sa wakas. ngayon medyo alam ko na ang kulang sa freedom wall natin. ito ay ang responsibilidad. responsable bang paggamit ng kalayaan sa paghahayag ang paghahanap ng textmate sa pamamagitan ng pagsulat ng numero ng iyong cellphone sa freedom wall? gamitin naman natin sa wasto at responsableng paraan ang ating kalayaan mga taong nagsusulat sa freedom wall. wag nating hayaang bumaba ang grado ng responsibilidad at kalayaan sa ating pamantasan.

2. jun lozada
- pareho kami nung pamangkin ni ruthy. masakit na ang ulo ko ke jun lozada. wala man syang pakialam ukol sa kanyang "celebrity" status ay tila sinasamba sya ng mga taong sumusuporta sa kanya.

tama lang siguro na sabihing isa sya sa may hawak ng susi upang malaman ang buong pangyayari. tama lang siguro na mag-ikot sya sa mga paaralan upang ipaliwanag ng husto ang tanong at haka-haka na namuo sa mga kaisipan ng taumbayan ngayon.

pero, sa sympo na tinampukan ni lozada na aking nadaluhan ay napansin kong tinatanong sya ng mga tao roon kung ano ang dapat bang gawin ng taumbayan, kung ano ba ang dapat gawin para umunlad ang Pilipinas at kung ano ba ang dapat gawin upang lumabas ang katotohanan.

hindi ko lang alam ah, pero parang mali yata kayo ng taong tinatanungan.

siguro may punto ang kasama ko nung sinabi nyang gusto lang marinig ng tao ang pananaw ni lozada tungkol sa mga ganoong bagay, pero dapat sigurong alalahanin natin na naging prominente lamang si lozada sa kanyang paghahayag ukol sa mga anomalya sa ZTE broadband deal. hindi po sya isinugo ng Diyos para sabihin sa atin ang dapat gawin upang umunlad ang Pilipinas.

nagtataka lang ako, bakit nga ba tayo may National Broadband deal samantalang hindi naman 1:1 ang ratio ng tao sa computer dito sa ating bansa? hindi naman lahat ng tao ay may access sa mga teknolohiyang ito. mas abala pa sila sa pag iisip kung paano maitatawid ang kanilang pamilya mula sa gutom sa araw-araw na pamumuhay. anlabo nga naman o.

3. campus politics
- sa buong buhay ko sa UP, ngayong 3rd Yr lang ako nakialam sa napakagandang mundo ng pulitika sa pamantasan. dahil nalalapit na ang eleksyon sa UP, narito at nagkalat na naman ang mga kandidato.
ang aking reaksyon sa karamihan sa kanila ay:
"wow, tatakbo pala tong taong ito. ano kaya ang plataporma nya?"

karamihan sa mga poster nila ay hindi naglalaman ng kahit ano bukod sa kanilang pangalan, partidong kinabibilangan at posisyong tatakbuhan. nitong linggong to lang nagkaroon ng mga "kakaunting pagpapahiwatig ng kanilang plataporma" na nakalagay sa kanilang mga posters. (na nagkataon namang huling linggo na ngayon ng kampanya dahil march 7 na ang eleksyon)

kakulangan ba to sa RTR nila? siguro kailangan ko nang puntahan yung miting de avance ng CAS para naman may ideya pa ako kung anong pakulo meron ang mga kandidato ngayong taon.

kanya-kanyang raket. kanya-kanyang papansin. kanya-kanyang pauso. kanya-kanyang pabango. kanya-kanyang sabuyan ng baho. dirty tactics. election protests. di pa kasama dyan ang mababang voter turnout sa pamantasan (na sa aking palagay ay nasa 45-50% lamang.)

ok to a. pareho lang din halos ang pulitika sa national level at sa campus level. sayang, kala ko medyo iba pagdating sa campus level eh. hindi rin pala. ay, siguro ang pagkakaiba lang dito, di masyadong malaki yung perang nadadamay. pero may pera pa rin. bale magkapareho pa rin sila. ay ano ba talaga?! naguguluhan na ako.

paper ko sa hum2

nasiyahan akong gumawa ng paper kaya eto ipopost ko rin dito para masaya. :D

Man’s Search for Meaning

For many of us, deep contemplation of our humanity only comes into fore in the face of immorality. When events dawn upon us which bump us out of our comfort zone, we begin to realize the fragility of our humanity. What does make an individual human? Does being human become limited to the use of spoken or written language, culture and making mistakes? (to err is human as they say) Our humanity has always been tied to our existence on this world. To this we may ask, does humanity go deeper than what we can imagine? Is there more to humanity than culture and spoken/written language? In his popular book to which this paper has been named after, psychologist Viktor Frankl provides simple answers to these questions. His experiences from the Nazi concentration camps not only gave him a chance to observe humanity at its barest essence, but also go through the same pains and small pleasures that inmates had to endure during those years. Humanity, as Frankl observes, aims to find a sense of purpose or meaning behind every event of pleasure and suffering to which an individual encounters. The instinct of survival is closely associated to one’s meaning of life. Without it, man becomes disheartened and thus, succumbs to death.

Death is one strong indicator of humanity. For the author of this paper, death presents itself as a sign of the finiteness of human life. It comes without warning, and the notion of it compels an individual who is aware that his death may be just around the corner to make full use of his lease on life. Death on the concentration camps as noted by Frankl, become ordinary events which are very contrasting to how modern outside society treats it. The conditions to which the inmates of the concentration camp were subjected can be very disturbing to an ordinary person whom has yet to experience the numerous horrors inside the camps. Deprivation of almost every comfort accessible to man outside of the camp led the prisoners to a state of heightened apathy. It came down to every man for himself, and survival hanged on the balance of the will to live, as Frankl observes. Suffering in an extreme degree has stripped down the individual, Frankl included, to the barest shred of humanity that they had. Aside from the withered and battered shape of their bodies, the blatant disregard for life by those who kept them in the camps have fostered a sense of disregard and hopelessness to life in itself. Should it be unbelievable to imagine that such torture has been endured by someone who actually survived and was able to tell about his experience? The author of this paper thinks so, and with this a vital point of humanity is seen: the will to live.

Frankl describes human will as the primary motivation of man to live and survive in his life. The human will is not a product of his primary instincts (i.e. the ego), but a manifestation of a unique meaning inherent in every human individual. In meaning we also relate the term objective or purpose, or an end to which a human is entitled to fulfill in his/her life. The willpower of a human is nourished by the will to life (or will to meaning in Frankl’s terms), love (in its many forms) and suffering. Why include suffering? Before answering this, we must first focus on how the will to live and love strengthen the ties that bind the human will together. The will to meaning, the general urge to find one’s purpose in life, provides man with a goal that is unique to him/her and which only he/she can accomplish. As Frankl notes, not all of us are able to see instantly the meaning of our lives. Some of us may have a hard time acquiring this, while others travel along paths which lead then further away from this. In the acquisition of this purpose, man finds stability and inner peace within himself together with a new general direction for his/her existence. What about love? Love, other than being a feeling, is a consolidating force which enables a person to see the fullest of another. It is through love, Frankl says, that a person’s full humanity is displayed. The human potential can only be seen through the eyes of the one who loves him, and it is this phenomenon which empowers individuals who share love with one another and lift each other in times of need. Love preserves the fire to live, and as Frankl shows in his book, his love and longing for his wife has been a crucial factor in his survival from the camps.

Suffering, though not something of pleasant orientation, also serves as a crucial factor in the fostering of the will. This combination of pain and stress is a key to highlight another point which defines humanity: the ability to change. In the face of a hopeless situation, or within the experience of suffering, man is given a chance to redefine himself. To find light in the midst of darkness, to be able to see hope in a dire scenario and to be able to transform defeat into a moral victory is a defining trait of humanity. The load of potential which is locked within an individual can be released by adversity, and by going through this problem man finds the virtue of sacrifice. The virtue of sacrifice alters the complexion of a man, and moreover, gives meaning to his suffering. The ability to see meaning in pain and suffering has been a skill unique to humanity. The actual process of experiencing distress enables man to improve upon himself even more, allowing him/her to actualize the human potential locked within. This property of suffering also feeds the human will, and thus completes the triumvirate for it.

Frankl’s book also details the fundamental human freedom, the freedom of choice. Humanity gives man the freedom to choose. In a lot of situations in our lives we are required to make choices, and a lot of times the choices we make have a lot of implications in the long run. Ranging from small and insignificant to big and life altering, the freedom of choice has always been inherent to man. According to Frankl, the practice of this freedom by an individual is a vital part to life. Ultimately the concept of choice directly puts into the hands of an individual the control for his/her life. In having sight of their respective purposes in life, one may choose to fulfill them and have inner peace, or do the opposite. Freedom works hand in hand with the human will to fully utilize the innate human potential of man. With these traits man is able to make use of his/her life to the fullest, IF this is the choice being made. Freedom and the human will guides an individual towards the actualization of his/her life’s meaning. They are the means provided by our humanity to achieve our own ends.

Humanity, when stripped of all the comforts and liberties it has enjoyed, bares itself in its purest before the eyes of an informed observer. The primary facets which include the human will and the freedom of choice allow an individual to attain an ultimate goal or end to which his/her life has become the means. The vast potential of humanity is unlocked by the raw power of the human will, and directed by the freedom of choice. The integration of these two gives clarity and direction to the human life. Abstract as it may seem, the achievement of man’s meaning leads to a sense of fulfillment and inner peace. At the end of the day, it is these two factors that give humanity a tangible face which can be seen, appreciated and used to develop oneself into his or her best.

rally

FRIDAY. our class did not have the supposed exam because there was a walk-out of the classes which was spurned by the progressive sectors of the University of the Philippines.

being part of this event left an exhilarating impression on me. for the first time in my life i stood up for my rights as a Filipino. in my mind the people are not apathetic, but they are divided unto what course of action to take.

it is the search and clamor for truth which has unified the people. the masses should be careful though, for unplanned action can be used by the ruling bourgeoisie to slither their way unto electing a new leader which is more of the same mold as of its predecessor.

i think everyone should take action. the time is ripe to make history once more.

(sa mga nakakita sa akin sa tv kung meron man, saludo ako sa inyo dahil nanonood kayo ng late night news :D )

new shoes!!!!

wow, my first post for February. (somehow, the spelling still looks weird to me. i'd rather spell it just Feb than February.)

department week is coming up. i hope to have a lot of fun, since i had a hand in planning the big cosplay event. (i'm sure it's gonna be BIIIIG.)

anyway, mom's birthday is also up for the first week, and we plan to buy her a new pair of slippers. sana magustuhan nya. :)

highlight of the day: somehow i had persuaded my dad to buy me a new pair of shoes. i've been dying to have those shoes for a while now, but i haven't had a chance to stock up some money to buy it. then came the 30% off nike sale. i went nuts. i had to have the shoes. haha! so there, i have a new pair of shoes. i wasn't this happy getting shoes since 4th year, when i my cousin bought me my basketball shoes.

i loaned the money to buy those shoes, which means i'm going to pay them off soon. i've always wanted to buy a pair of shoes for myself. so thanks a lot to my mom and dad!!!! :D

didn't have an active day today. just a typical lazy sunday, loafing around and staring in front of the computer. i've downloaded and converted shows that i am plannning to watch on my ipod. i just installed The Sims 2 plus a few expansions, which means i now have around 5 distractions in my pc right now. i just hope that my pc doesn't break down again. i really become displaced whenever that happens. so now i'm considering an OS downgrade because Vista is totally punishing the pc. It's either that or somehow i hope to get around 20k to overhaul my pc. haha, maybe i should try my luck on the lottery. :P

a few nuisances aside, overall, life's been good lately. hope your life's good too. :)

wala pa rin akong tula

yes, i still do not have a poem for my class tomorrow. i am having a lot of difficulty trying to piece together words which would be creative enough, yet still pack the informational power for it to be considered, well, good.

i admit, wordplay isn't my cup of tea. prose is. so here i am sending out my apologies to those whom have listened, and may have become offended with my not so good use of words. really, i appreciate you all for not covering your ears as i painfully recite the piece of poetry i created.

poetry made me think twice of going into music too much. maybe i doubted myself writing songs. songwriting isn't the way for me, i thought. producing the song is. applying the beat to it. listening to the song itself. one day i'll produce a song. kumbaga, gusto ko yung trabaho ni errol choi sa coffee prince. :) (pero di ako babaero!! haha!)

yeah, music producer. i want that job. i also want to try my hand at being a club dj. mixing sounds. making people groove to the beat. controlling their emotions through the pulsating beats coming from the turntables. that's why i love daft punk, the chemical brothers and sunset daze. my interest for music production led me to club, techno and house music (though i don't do clubbing). i can envision myself doing such. aside from becoming a doctor. heck, maybe i'll try to integrate that music recovery therapy to my future patients. music relaxes the brain. a relaxed brain equates to a stress free body. finally, a stress free body heals faster, and is healthier.

tonight i was subjected to a lot of stress. my pc went haywire thanks to my sister. luckily, i was able to rescue it. the bad news is, i'm still in recovery mode right now. i think my pc and i share a connection. whenever the pc is broke, i'm broken too. haha!! its funny at the same time very weird. well i can't blame myself for loving my computer. di pa naman ako addict, wag kayong mag-alala. hahaha!!!

i'd rather live without a computer than stay with a broken one. :P

a few updates

because my blog has degraded itself into a pathetic waste of bandwidth, i have decided to embark upon a journey to refresh it with my new thoughts. wow, such a deep use of language to explain an excuse for not blogging recently.

i don't see myself as an active blogger though. i only write when i feel like it. i let the urge come to me. i don't like forcing myself to write. i think i am a lesser individual when i force myself.

anyway, a few updates for those who still come.
- toxic days are upon us once again, fellow isko and iska. the antagonistic tendencies of our professors have not only resulted unto more sleepless nights, but also a lot less time for us to socialize, enjoy ourselves (in a non-sexual way of course) and and get in touch with nature (something i have enjoyed doing)
- yet somehow, we find opportunities in which to breathe. 3 hour breaks and afternoon classes are such a welcome sight.
- i have expanded my list of things to buy once again. it now includes a pair of sunglasses and a basketball
- unto the subject of basketball, it is the only activity in which i feel most alive. and it unclogs my brain. i just played a few 1 on 1 matches a while ago, and i never felt so alive again. it is alienating to just stare at the computer monitor all day long.
- washing the dishes has now become my official "thinking time". yes, i got to solve a lot of stuff in my head while washing the plates. :)
- i want my SBC mug already (and the planner, and the tote bag, and the pen, and the free drink coupons)
- i noticed that i am now searching for books related to my course, and am now involving myself pretty much into politics, especially the campus variety. damn school. haha.

so that's pretty much it. go visit my multiply. i have pictures there. haha! :P

woo vista!

wala pang 1 week yung pc ko, nadali na agad ng virus!!! ayus! kaya ayan nagpalit ako ng OS. ganda ng vista, kaso parang kailangan ko nang mag overhaul ng pc. naghihirap na yung pc ko e. hahaha!!!

hurrah for 2008!

wow, and to think that 2007 wouldn't end any faster. welcome to the year 2008. i'm not in any position to tell you what's gonna happen, but i am obliged to tell you what has happened to me.

my PC is back in action!!! my, my, my i am having so much fun right now. no more disconnections for me now. 1GB of RAM and a 160GB HD is coolness!!!

This New Year marks a noticeable drop in fireworks sales and usage. come on, it is good news that a lot less people are hurt, but the reality that people don't see is that the noise has considerably gone down. it's not that people are not buying fireworks, but rather, they are unable to buy because of the prevailing state of our country. hopefully something goes right this year. something that all of us could enjoy.

i'm not really feeling good right now. actually, i think i'm sad. something is awfully off. great, something to start my year with. hahaha.. maybe i shouldn't think about worthless stuff that i don't even have a right to know. i'm not the privy type you know.

in a few days some of us (unfortunately, including me) would be off to school again.
things to buy
- maybe a wallet
- definitely a y-splitter cable
- and a couple of more stuff

so there. happy new year to y'all! :D

because it is a midnight and i am hungry

i've got this feeling in my head right now. i can't point a finger on it, but then, it's a feeling that compels me to do something. something like contemplate, which i don't actually do a whole lot. or even read a book. just do something, my head tells me. but what it is, i do not know. i this an effect of the end of the year fast approaching? or maybe it was the combination of coke and gatorade that has put my head into this state of being.

somehow today has been the climax of me feeling really, really old (maybe mature, but i don't really think i deserve to be called as such) these past few days. my younger sister is almost rebellious right now. something i did not think would happen, but it did. so here i am, watching, talking to her. i don't want to see my sister cut herself or something. i think that's a total bummer. or maybe i just hate the fact that people mutilate themselves due to emotional distress. really pointless. i hope i can pull this off. heck, i am growing old, i'm even starting to become the man in the house. of course next to my dad.

when i was a tad little younger i didn't think i'd be in this situation, growing up to be a man (haha, i am still apprehensive in typing this, but i have to let this go.

or else it's gonna explode in my face.

i've always liked to be depended on, i've always wanted to help. somehow growing up, i get tasked these responsibilities, chores or whatever. then i watch the other people grow together with me. i've seen my folks grow, i've seen my friends grow, i've seen my sisters grow and i have seen myself grow, amongst others. somehow i have probably reached that part in my life wherein it is me who shall take on the reins and direct my life to where i want it to go. slowly, but definitely, independence has been given to me. then that point would come, where i am my own boss in my life.

somehow i'll have to be able to accept the changes happening in my life right now. my sisters need me. my family needs me. and maybe someone else out there needs me. i'm thrust into this scenario where i to tell myself that i am no longer a child. not that i'll be growing up into some ridiculous, pessimistic monster, but i'd rather not lose the optimism in me that keeps me going. it may make others happy, and seeing others happy makes for a smiling me. (haha) looks like i'll be graduating from my teens sooner than i thought. my goodness. and i thought i was going to go through that twen-teen syndrome a lot of people have.

someday i'll go through all these things which i wrote. the dreaded blog archives. haha. then i'll get a better picture of me. growing up.

i'd pick growing up, rather than growing old.
i hate the word "old". reminds me of a very sad dream i had. peace.

what time is it?! it's christmas time! hoooo!

contrary to what i've thought for the past few days, i would not be posting a very serious blog post due to the fact that it may spoil the holiday spirit. and who wants to read something too serious when everyone is happy and merry-making eh? so here i am, updating my blog.

hooray! this would be the 100th post! on Christmas Eve! haha! life is good my fellow people. indeed. although i threw away 400 bucks for a set of crummy earphones (damn you odyssey. i still can't get over it), i feel though that everything would work out, starting today.

i've completed the nine mornings of mass!! wooop wooop!!!! i still don't know if my wish would be granted, but i do hope so.

moving on, i wish that everyone enjoys this Christmas season, where it be an up or down year for y'all. it's always good to end the year with a bang, and with the new year just around the corner, this would also be a good time to evaluate oneself. what you did, what you learned (side note: suddenly my stomach is aching. not good), what you've accomplished during the past 365 days. then thank the Lord for every blessing you have received. people often overlook this, so be a nice boy/girl and give thanks to the man above.

i suddenly realized that I too, am growing up. like what my long time friend has jokingly said to me, "nagbibinata ka na?". which got me into thinking. well, somehow, i've encountered experiences that have shaped me into what i am now, and i am glad to say that, well, i've grown as a person. so too are the people around me. i think surrounding myself with the right mix of people has made me better and wiser than the year before. wow, so feeling ko naman antanda ko na. pero ok lang. i really think i've outgrown myself from last year. i hope this bowls over to 2008. that would be fun. :)

i want to say once again, thanks to all of the people whom have made this year as memorable as the other years. in a few month's time we would all be in our last years in college (well, not for me, i still have med school), and a few more moments after that, we'll be graduates. Christmas, i think, is the best time to thank all of those people whom you have made memories with. do remember that i love you all!!!

happy holidays! :D

futures

for my 99th post, i have decided to talk about something i have recently contemplated about. usually, everyone wonders what our tomorrow would look like. since we live in a society dictated by our endless hours of toil, confusion, and grumbling of our stomachs, no one has risen up to provide us with a vision of what we should look forward to in the coming days.

while our pathetic government gives us a vague picture of our nation's "development", we Filipinos are still here, living on a day-to-day subsistence. Where the meals we worry about are the meals we eat today, not giving so much thought on what tomorrow brings. we have holed up ourselves too long in this "present day" attitude of us. because in order to bring forth change, a vision is required.

as our high school class valedictorian has said in his inaugural address, "ano pa ba ang nasa dako pa roon?" ("what is thee over thy yonder?" for the common playwright). usually, we may reply with the i don't know and i don't really care face. or maybe that was just my case. i was the immature young man back in high school. i can happily say that i am now unlike that young man nowadays. life has made me a bit more mature, a bit more ready to take on life. in order to achieve what we see the in future, it is vital that ample preparation should be undertaken.

recently i have convinced myself not to believe in those fortunetellers out in the streets, claiming to know your future. not that i really believed them, but the false overtures that they give sometimes get through the people so much that those whom had seen them attest to their credibility. nagkakatotoo raw mga hula nila. e ayun nga, mga hula lamang iyon at hindi dapat pinapaniwalaan. "manghuhula" nga sila e. hinuhulaan lang nila ang mga pwedeng mangyari. i think that mentality is wrong, but this assumption cannot be helped for their prediction presupposes the forthcoming events. that being said, i theorized that any kind of message related to our immediate future brings to our innate subconscious a kind of message that, these certain events should happen. accordingly, we actually do steps in order to achieve what the fortuneteller has told us. that should not be allowed to happen. we ourselves are in direct and total control of our lives (unless you yourself are being controlled), and our future is a big part of it.

unlike other creatures, we are unique because a) we have a thing called culture, and b) we are the foremost agent of change in our lives. we must not let our visions for ourselves be limited by those who are around us. we are not forbidden to stretch the limits of what we can achieve for the human being is capable of anything that he puts his mind and conscious effort into.

as my professor has told in our class, the construction worker who sees the formation of a church in the piles of hollow blocks and cement is the best worker, for he has established a vision, a visible goal, an end for which all means would lead up to. we must be like this worker. we must work on our lives, set goals and work hard to achieve them. any obstacle in the way is to be conquered. every failure should be taken with lessons learned. every critic should be silenced. this is how human life should be. an adventure of unlimited discovery and achievement. a testament of the power of the will.

the true power of humanity is its ability to change the world. it is in everyone's hands and therefore, all must work for the better life. it may be idealist but what the heck, if it is for the greater good, then it should be done.

My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny. - Elaine Maxwell

not today

i was supposed to blog about something today, but apparently, i don't think i would push through with it right now because my pc has acquired this habit of disconnecting from the internet (which is a lot of bull)

please let Christmas come early. i need the money to upgrade my beloved computer.

ka-BOOM!

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder

- Boys Like Girls

by accident, i stumbled upon this song one boring day surfing your friendly neighborhood mp3 streaming site. the first time i heard this, i was, well blown away. i desperately had to get myself a copy of the song. i actually downloaded the original song, then a few days later i learned that they had an acoustic version. then and there i realized that it was the acoustic version that dragged me into this hole where i can just spend one whole day listening to one song.

the last time i was so hooked to one song was during my senior year in high school. then now as i am spending my third year in college, i stumbled upon this. this is such a good song for those who love somebody.

the song was originally about a summer fling. which, by the time it ended, made the person singing realize that he didn't want another fling and decided to take on his fling to another level, but that was already impossible because it ended pretty badly.

i think being in love gives a lot of people this aura of invincibility. this "you and me against the world" attitude. but sometimes, we need to mix this invincibility with a dose of realism. we need to put into perspective the possibilities of sourness and bitterness in a relationship. having realism in a relationship means that each one of you needs to work hard in order to preserve what has already been established. love is about hard work. being in love is already a commitment and staying in love is a passion worth taking risks for. it's the happiness and the fulfillment that people yearn from love. i think it is what they are looking for in their significant other.

but at the end of the day, we all like to feel invulnerable at some point of our lives. that's what the song points out. it poses a challenge to the world to bring it on. because he can take it all for he is in love.

too bad a lot of people don't know about this song. nice. i hate it when something i like becomes too popular. :)