Tuesday, April 21, 2009

rainy summer nights

nobody really goes to my blog nowadays. or maybe they do, i just don't know about it. haha! i really am too lazy to put a hit counter on my site, since from experiences in the past have taught me that counters have expiration dates. (eeks!)

anyway, twitter, basketball and just hanging out with friends occupy my summer right now, if it is indeed a summer since for the past few days torrential rains ran down our roofs. what's good about it is that we have extra time to rest our nagging injuries (my sprained foot is still a bit swollen). the bad news about it is that, i feel so antsy waiting for our next game. we lost our 2nd game in the summer league due to our carelessness. and the fact that we didn't make any adjustments as urgently as they were needed.

but i still hold our team with high regard. we just have to instill more discipline and lay down a more stable system. so far we're caught up between going with our natural plays and trying to execute structured offenses, so sometimes we seem really lost in our play.

i don't really feel like graduating this summer. as far as i know, i'm in vacation mode. haha! but i'm trying to help my girlfriend find a job so that she doesn't go to the provinces. good luck on that.

so far, summer rocks. haha! nothing much to worry about. i have the time for my friends and family. i just wish i had more time with my girl so that summer would be complete. :x

to all who will be graduating this summer, congratulations! you probably deserve it! :)

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


it's been a busy week for me and my girlfriend. clearance, fees and other activities typically signify one event which signifies the end of our undergraduate years: graduation.

but this isn't really about any sadness or happiness that graduation invokes within me. but rather, i'd like to take this opportunity to think about things a little bit.

if there is anything i learned about myself in my senior year of college education, its that i think too much..

ever since i became "responsible", i found myself fussing over things a little bit more than usual. giving them a tad more attention than needed. in the end, i tend to overthink and frustrate myself with so many ifs and buts.

not that i want to save everything until it blows up in my face, but as one old friend has said to me a long time ago, i tend to go back and play with the what if scenarios. that may be the worst trait i have attained this year.

of the many things that have happened to me, its failure that most compels me to think. of what happened, and what SHOULD have happened. then somehow i try to plan towards the best solution to the problem. then it fails. then i plan again.

it has become a very cyclical and deadly process for me. it puts unnecessary pressure on myself, and then expectations which are not realized also contribute to the damage caused by failure.

i'm afraid of failure. i really am.

never did i condition myself to fail, or put myself in a situation that losing was the only way out. people say that in order to succeed, one must accept failure.

i think i haven't really grasped that part.. yet. but i continue to work. the problem is, by working hard, things don't turn out the way i wanted them to be.

maybe that's just the start. i don't really plan on ditching the whole hard work and determination that i have demanded from myself this last year of my bachelor's degree. i've fallen down many times this year, but somehow i managed to put myself together again. maybe that's the key, that unwavering persistence and that stubborn belief that i can do it.

in a way i have cobbled together a post that deals with my ideas on my fear of defeat and shortcomings, though this really isn't all that's in my head right now..

i want to thank all those people who stood by me during the dark times: my mom, my girlfriend, my friends, the game of basketball which has remained as my relief from the stress of the real world, and that hope inside of me that never disappears.

i hope i get everything right someday. when i get to sort out and throw out all of these junk thoughts that litter my mind.

maybe my friend was right, what if never equates to WHAT IS. i should start appreciating what is, rather than what isn't.

Sunday, April 05, 2009


the last time i posted an entry here, it was kinda rushed.
this post would also be one of those rushed posts, and motivated by a great anger towards people who have no consideration.

i have no beef against any professors, but i don't think that being an impediment to the life goals of a great student-leader is not really something that should be handed down to.

sayang naman, hindi makakasama ang chairman sa paglalakad namin. tsk. nakakainis.