me. or so i think.

i'm really confused. ever since i've taken those psychology and career aptitude tests i would always score high ratings in creativity, most probably described as spontaneous and extroverted, and have a successful career in the arts.

heck, when i took this online test about which medical specialization i was most fitted to take, cosmetic surgery came in a landslide! unbelievable. those career psych tests i took were the most disagreeable pundits, since they suggested that i had a skill set completely opposite of a doctor's.

i really don't know. maybe that was life's way of telling me that i could not be a doctor. i'm in a non pre-medical course (although in a lot of ways, it solidified my reasons of pursuing medicine), and my NMAT results aren't in yet (the waiting is killing me!) thus another day passes with me imagining myself losing it because i did not make the cut, or breathing a sigh of relief because everything went my way. either which situation happens, it's getting in my head pretty hard right now. anything that happens is tough to swallow, but i guess i'd just have to live through it. di ko trip magpakamatay para lang takasan lahat to eh.

i'd have to admit, a lot of things i know about myself come from what people tell me. its some kind of a third person way, like a looking glass self. or some theory to that effect (i'm sorry madam inton but i forgot my comm3 already).

i don't actually like seeing myself in the mirror. or perhaps i lack the ability of knowing what i can do, because in my senior year i've actually managed to surprise myself quite a number of times because i was able to do things i did not know i was capable of doing.

ignorante lang ba talaga ako?

it's kinda crazy, but i never wanted to be someone who only consistently underachieves. someone to be written off as an individual with talent that didn't make it.. i want to make it. i know i can.

so its make or break time for me. a lot of things hang on that goddamn NMAT result. basically my whole life that is. haha! good luck to that.