I just realized that I'm not an extrovert. Yeah, em not one of those people who come up in front of you just to say their usual hi's and hellos. I'm not the one who is known by half of the school population. I'm not the one you see on tv, hear on the radio or download from the internet too.
But I didn't say I'm trapped inside my shell. For as long as I know, I'm out of that place. Though there was a time that I went back inside for contemplation and self-destruction. Yessir I am out, but I didn't want myself to be found.
(tanga ng USA, natalo sa Greece)
My high school classmate,Pau, who studies in St.Paul doon sa Pedro Gil, may have uttered the best interpretation of me.
I didn't remember the exact words she said, but the gist of it was, in tagalog: oo nga si rc mayabang, pero di nyo alam konti lang ang taong pinagkakatiwalaan nyan. kaya di nyo talaga sya maiintindihan.
up to that point I didn't realize that earning my trust was such a pain. Well, I think a lot of people didn't care or didn't even try. I just thank God he sent me some people who, unconsciously did not overtly try to become friends with me, but altogether touched my soul and changed me.
Let me get one thing straight. I did enjoy high school. But, I'm not one of those who remain chained to their high school life. Sometimes I get headaches listening to people who say "college is hard I wish I was back in high school", "I wish I had my high school friends", "I miss my high school life", etcetera, etcetera.... Come on people please grow up.. Look around.. This ain't high school anymore.. I suggest you throw away your diploma and start all over again. Ok, now I sound bitter. Well, not really taking anything away from these people, I realized that, I'm not like them.
I was different. Had I shown a clip of my high school people would notice. I didn't go out and eat lunch with the same set of people, I didn't have a solid group. All I had were a few friends that I can count with my fingers. Maybe that was the reason that somehow being alone didn't bother me.
Now, well, I enjoy college. I'm part of those people who go forward with their lives. Hindi ako nakatali sa HS pero lumilingon ako kasi marami rin akong natutunan mula sa apat na taon ko sa Rogationist.
Maybe I burden my friends a lot, konti lang sila, tapos mas konti lang yung nakakaintindi sa akin. (actually, 2 lang sila) Not saying that some of the people who tried to help me didn't understand, but they don't know the real story. Sure I tell my problems, but not the whole shebang. I leave it to myself, and consider the suggestions they give. Nga pala, salamat sa tulong. Malamang di nyo kilala kung sinu-sino kayo, pero salamat ng marami. Sa lahat ng taong hayskul salamat.
Everytime I go home, I always take that long walk from the highway toward the jeepney terminal. Funny thing is, I do a lot of thinking when I walk. Lalo na kung umuulan. It gets me into a state of solitude, and clarity. It makes me think straight.
to be continued....
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