Now Playing: Burnout + Burnout Ulit
Its 12 midnight, yet I'm still awake.. I need to think about something.. Something important to me.
Pasensya na kay Liana, di ko kaagad nakwento ang dapat ikwento. Sayang excited pa naman ako.. I guess it will have to wait.
One of the best souveneirs I got came from, well, her birthday bash. It was an effigy of a princess sealed inside a glass cube. "Her" refers to the one I met in high school. "Her" was my first bestfriend. "Her" changed me. And "Her", being the person I love the most outside of my family and God....
My beshie was right.. Someday, somehow, I'll be writing crap like this. One whole entry dedicated to her. Must be the rain... Or the silent treatment I got from her. Whatever that is, its making me emotional, or rather, sentimental right now.... Guess I'm gonna pour my whole heart out in the wee hours of the morning...
Our story was your typical boy-meets-girl series.. I was the bastard in high school, she was the goody-two-shoes... Basically, we're direct opposites.. But somehow, she found a way to get through me. She understood me. She made me feel good by doing good things. She became my bestfriend. The first. Eventually, she became the first person I loved...
Maybe I shunned the signs and all, on how religous and extravagant I was when I give gifts to her on christmas. On how I would text her every now and then. On how I savored every moment with her. On how affected I was when she left me. On how happy I was when we got back again. It wasn't your usual bestfriend anymore.. It was something different.
Its funny how I said to myself back then, that she was only going to be my bestfriend, nothing else... Funny that I told her about my fantasies about other girls, while the best one was right under my nose. It took me graduation and the freshman year of college to realize that, yeah I crossed the thin red line. It was already different ever since, maybe I just didn't take notice of it since I was busy becoming the best bestfriend there ever was for her....
Only a select few know about this, about how much she really meant to me. About how much I will go out of my way just to protect her and keep her safe.. For me, no matter how much I do, I still know I give her something better. I always wanted to give my best.. Its just rather sad that, she doesn't see it.. Or maybe she sees it but doesn't tell it to me...
Merong mga pagkakataon na minsan naiiisip ko, tigilan ko na kaya sya? Oo minsan nasasabi ko sa sarili ko, siguro di talaga sya kaya nangyari ang mga bagay-bagay.. Tao rin naman ako e, napapagod rin sa kakahabol. Habol ka ng habol, sige lang ng sige, para lang mapakita sa kanya kung gano sya kahalaga sa yo.. Tapos di rin naman nya mapapansin.. Pero nakakatawa, kahit na ganun na yung naiisip ko, di pa rin ako tumitigil. Di pa rin ako nadadala.. Mahal na mahal ko pa rin sya. uh oh, tangna cheesy na to.
Siguro siya umay na umay na sa kakulitan ko. To the point na wala na lang syang ginagawa, kunwari di ako buhay. haha sometimes being invisible really hurts..
The last time na nag-usap kami, sabi nya, kamuhian ko raw sya, kasi masama yung ginawa nya sa akin.. Pero di ko magawa yun. Di ko kayang magalit sa kanya.. Yung dating nangyari na galit ako sa kanya? Di totoo yun. Kunwari lang yun para mapansin nya ako...
I can't plant seeds of anger to someone I hold close to me. Maybe I'm blinded by love. No, I think not. I can see all her flaws and all. I already accepted her for who she is, and loved her for who she is, not who she isn't..
Sometimes I get so tired of chasing that I wait.. But waiting won't do anything. If someone tells you that love is a butterfly, which goes away whenever you chase it, don't listen to them. Get a net, because waiting for it to come to you is pointless. Love isn't destiny, it's a decision...
Siguro hindi lahat ng tao maiintindihan kung gaano talaga siya kaimportante sa akin. But I guess I won't be needing everybody's understanding to do what I have to do...
I haven't cried for some time now. Maybe its time to open the flood gates again... :)
sana by some freak chance mabasa nya to.. wala lang.. wish ko lang...
i absolutely love sugarfree's burnout.. its the song that i never get tired of listening to, and it helps me especially in the times when i doubt myself, and when i get tired of chasing, chasing and chasing....
well, back to staring at the glass princess.. when was the last time I wished for something to happen so badly? You know I'd happily give everything back to get a second chance... too bad for me..
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