on top of that, mounting responsibilities at home and being away from my girlfriend. really nasty stuff. especially when you don't see each other for weeks primarily because I had four exams in the coming week.
this was the shit i had to put up with for the first few months. i was already ticked off that i couldn't get the lessons as quickly as others did. my big ego wasn't ready for much disappointment. there were times that academic failure and other problems mixed into a very deadly cocktail which was enough to break me down. somehow i needed to acknowledge my vulnerabilities. i needed to get my act together because medical school was not going to give me anything for free.
i needed to put it the work. i also needed a system that would provide me with the blueprint and motivation that i desperately wanted for me to make it through.
i started by opening my eyes a little bit. chopping up stuff, not really biting off too much, savoring the small victories like passing quizzes. from the start i knew i was in a disadvantage but i did not imagine the discrepancy to be really big. fortunately for me, that huge gap is constantly being closed upon by me every single day.
i put in the work, and trusted myself that i could make it though. whatever the ramifications of my work i would gratefully accept. success was hard to come by, but as the New Year turned, i somehow got it.
i got it. somewhat. passing medical school truly is hardwork and dedication. and it is almost always never enough. i needed to become a sponge. soak it in. learn as much as i could. things would turn out well. i trust that they do.
i just need to work on it.