Moody

i am not doing the urinary system notes that i should be doing tonight.
because of one reason: i am not in the mood.


though i may not look like it, i am a person governed by moods. when i am in the mood to work, i am instantly motivated and turn out my best work. when i am not in the mood, well, forced shit happens. not that the quality of work looks really bad, but rather a veil of dissatisfaction covers my work done while not in the mood.


ever since grade school, i already have pointed out the importance of being in the mood, the right state of mind to do things. i think i answered the question "what motivates you the most to do your work" with the phrase " i have to get into the mood."


it's like having sex. you don't really want to be banging all the time because you are just too aware that the human body has its own internal limits. and making love while not enjoying it, ergo being "not in the mood" may suck in its entirety. tv teaches a lot of things of this nature right?


so, what does get me amped up to go to work? that i really do not know. sometimes i operate on a whim, sometimes i sleep and wake up feeling really powerful and trying to do everything in a flash. but i know it won't happen, not when the mood starts to flag down a little. you see, getting into the mood and staying in the mood are two different animals to contend with. that is why having this style of working by the mood cycle can sometimes be both a blessing and a curse. you may turn out the best work when you are in the zone, but what if the situation demands something now and by all chances you're not in the mood? in my case i get stumped. which is not the best situation to be in.


my girlfriend preaches the "motivation gets you started, discipline takes you there" mantra, and there have been times that i've bought into it. i try to stoke myself up and fight the laziness which was inhibiting the working mood from manifesting itself. there are times where it works and times where it doesn't. and then there are occurrences where i am totally focused or totally lazy. such is a guy being governed by his moods.


damn, i sound like a girl.