am i ranting? i hope not.

"talaga?"

"weh, di nga?"

"no stir tsong?"

"ang KJ mo naman!"

"totoo ba talaga yan?"

...

enumerated above are exasperated expressions from people around me. Classmates, friends, cousins, former classmates (high school), and maybe more. try bringing me to a neighborhood inuman and you'll see the little known fact about me that drives these dumbfounded exclamations.

I DON'T DRINK. PERIOD.

no, not drinking water and other fluids per se. don't be stupid. what i don't drink is alcohol, and other drinks that people prohibit you when you are young, or in the case of the US, something that is worth getting a fake ID for.

i remember when i was in elementary, the craze when you're young was Cali Shandy. semi-alcohol. it's like the tutorial for drinking beer. it's got a little alcohol content on it, but not in massive amounts like beer. i heard from my friends that it still had a kick (or maybe because we were little kids back then. grade 5 isn't really old you know), and it was a very enjoyable drink.

when i entered college, i presumed that maybe the majority of people in my school drink. and i wasn't wrong. clubs flanked our campus (i study in Malate for crying out loud) and getting a drink was a few steps away. but i wasn't really into this drinking until my classmates started organizing these forays into clubs. it was like a drinking session for the whole block. unfortunately, i only drank water and softdrinks (and a little iced tea) the whole time. people didn't really notice it, since we were like so many (around 20 something).

the time when my non-alcoholism really went into the spotlight was when we were invited into this drinking session at my former classmate's house (name withheld), organized by my current blockmate (name also withheld) because my current blockmate has been experiencing problems of the heart (love for the stupid man who cannot decipher what i am saying).

so there we were, the six of us, minus me of course, who were drinking. since we were really few, my former classmate really tried his best to persuade me to drink. his efforts were vain of course. but this time, they turned on to my girlfriend (who likes to drink by the way), and well, she refused the first time, thinking what might happen if she drinks in front of me. after much prodding however, i relented. the night was one of the most unforgettable nights of my life. in a lot of ways good, and then some bad.

bad. i don't smoke, i don't drink, i don't gamble. practically i don't have vices. if basketball were a vice then that may be my vice. but i don't really engage myself in items which have a "sin tax" on them.

maybe it's really selfish in my part to prohibit someone from enjoying something that she likes to do. but then again, i really hate drinkers. i remember nights when my dad comes home to the house then pukes on the toilet because he was so drunk. thankfully that's over. i remember being texted by someone who was so drunk that she threatened to slash herself because a certain boy did not appease to her feelings (the boy was definitely not me), and the bad part was that in that certain time i was pursuing her. people do a lot of crazy shit when they are drunk. maybe i can attest to some good things crazy people do. but other than that, nah, crazy shit. either being silent or very audacious, wailing and walking in a very unbalanced manner. it would be a really great idea if i had a video camera with me then i'd record the shit they do. but then i'm not a person who would go out of his way to abuse one's alcoholism and ruin their day afterwards.

i don't try to pull off the image of a holy man for not having any vices. it's just that i don't like partaking in activities like that. and the fact that i am allergic to them (tobacco and alcohol) makes me more comfortable in staying as the way i am.

although a dilemma strikes me. do i pursue the selfishness of mine and forbid a person very dear to me from enjoying happiness or do i let the person be? then i'd deal with what happens later. it's still a big problem to me. something that moves me to tears while thinking about it on the bus. haha emote emote pa no?

i'm still buying to the idea of talking to my mom. i don't really know what would happen if i break down in front of her, but maybe she'll be able to talk sense into my head.

or maybe i should just follow suit and drink? nah, not really my style of coping.

blog roll

kagabi ko pa gustong magblog. tinamad lang ako kakanood ng nba at kasi kating-kati na ako maglaro. hehehe. adik na uli ako sa dungeon siege 2. tapusin ko muna yun bago ko i download yung expansion pack. hehe parang low res na granado espada lang, although limited lang yung classes. tsaka natutuwa ako kasi kada palit ng equips nakikita sa character. parang diablo. hehehe..

kamakailan sabi ng girlfriend ko (nakanang may girlfriend na! haha), nationalistic daw ako. hahaha.. di ko alam kung bakit, pero sang-ayon naman ako sa sinasabi nya. mas may pakialam na ako ngayon sa nangyayari di tulad nung hayskul ako na parang tanga lang. haha.. gusto ko rin na lumabas na ang totoo. gusto ko rin na magkaroon ng kontribusyon patungo sa makabuluhang pagbabago. at gusto kong maging doktor upang magpagaling ng tao at siguruhin na ang lahat ng pasyenteng dadaan sa akin ay may mataas na antas ng kalusugan.

bakit ba ako naging ganito? siguro dahil na rin sa kurso ko at sa pinapasukan kong pamantasan. malaki rin pala ang dulot ng academic freedom sa isang mag-aaral. nagagawa kong makipagsapalaran at makakuha ng ibang ideya mula sa iba't ibang mga katauhan. marami na akong natutunan, pero sabi nga ng isa kong propesor, napakarami pang pwedeng matutunan sa mundo. kaya ngayon nasa yugto ako ng pagpapalawak ng aking mga interes. tambay tambay na sa lib, hanap ng librong pwedeng basahin. nahihilig na ako ngayon sa linguistics at kay Jung. pero di pa ako nakakahanap ng free time tumambay sa lib. siguro next year.

napansin kong tagalog na ang madalas na gamit ko tuwing magbblog. dulot na rin siguro to ng pagiging patriotiko ko. di pa naman nawawala ang kakayahan kong magsulat sa ingles (patunay ay ang 1.0 na nakuha ko sa aking paper na ipinost ko rito kamakailan) at wala akong balak iwala yun. siguro depende na lang sa aking mood ngayon kung anong lenggwahe ang mas pinipili kong gamitin upang ihayag ang damdamin ko. kaya eto tagalog na ulit. hehehe..

so ayan, malapit na pala ang practicum namin. masayang karanasan to. sana maging maayos ang lahat.


aba! nakakatatlong post na pala ako. hehe, kaya nga blog roll pangalan nitong post na to e. :P

something to ponder upon

Of all the ideas that became the United States, there's a line here that's at the heart of all the others. "But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and provide new Guards for their future security."

- Ben Gates (National Treasure)

?!

ilan sa mga bagay na aking napansin nitong mga nakaraang araw:

1. meron tayong rice shortage. oo tama rice shortage. sa isang bansang agrikultural tulad natin. nakakatawa. at naglalaan ang ating gobyerno ngayon ng P60 billion para sa bigas!! aangkatin ito mula pa sa vietnam kung saan ang mga dalubhasa ay dumayo pa sa Pilipinas upang mag-aral ukol sa advanced farming and argicultural methods. nakakahiya!

2. meron din palang mga hardcore na tibak na patron din ng Starbucks at Mcdonalds. ok na yung nagsusuot sila ng havaianas eh, pero maging patron ng Mcdo at Starbs? baka hindi kasama sa pinaglalaban nila yung komersyalisasyon ng pagkain. masyado yata silang busy ipaglaban yung pagtaas ng tuition. pero di mo rin naman masisisi yung mga yon, nagugutom din naman sila tulad natin. split level activism ba ito?

3. nakakatuwang ginawa ang Saligang Batas na naglalaman ng kolektibong kagustuhan ng taumbayan, pero may sapat na "leg room" pa rin ito upang mailiko at maabuso ng mga taong nasa kapangyarihan. (tulad ng isang unano dyan sa Malakanyang)

4. may kakayahan din palang mag-number 1 ang mga kanta ni erik santos at kung sinu-sino pang mga dating kalahok ng mga singing contest sa MTV. (pagbaba ng quality standard? haha)



sa kabuuan, masasabi kong bumababa na ang estado ng lipunan dito sa ating bayan. marami pang magagawa. simulan na natin ngayon.

hindi ko alam ang ipapamagat ko rito

nagbblog ako ngayon. maraming dahilan kung bakit, well, bukod sa hindi ako nakakain ng tokwa ngayong semana santa (hehe :P) e dahil ginawa namin ang taunang "visita iglesia" namin.

kala ko noon 14 dapat na simbahan ang dapat mong puntahan. pero pito lang pala dapat. ayon ito sa pitong katedral na nasa landas papuntang Roma noong Middle-Ages. kasi bawat taong nagnanais magpanata e dadaan muna sa pitong simbahan at magninilay sa harapan ng "blessed sacrament" ng simbahan. hindi pala yung Stations of the Cross yung bida. hehe.. pero dahil napapaloob na ito sa kulturang Pilipino ngayon, sikat na ang 14 na Istasyon ng Krus ni Hesukristo.

masarap ang bisita iglesia dahil para amin, ito ay part nature-trip at part religious activity. at ito rin ang isang araw sa buong taon na ako ay nakakabalik sa aking dating high school. kasi yun ay pinapatakbo ng mga pari, kaya may bisita iglesia rin sila sa chapel kung saan apat na taon din kaming nakilahok sa mga pangrelihiyosong gawain.

marami akong nagunita noong panahong iyon na nagbibisita kami. malaki na rin pala ang pinagbago ko simula noong nagtapos ako sa mataas na paaralan. naisip kong nakakatuwa sigurong magkita kami ng aking sarili noong mga panahon ng high school. ano kaya mapapag-usapan namin? parang tanga lang siguro yun na kausap ko ang sarili ko. pero sa tingin ko, kung nagkausap kami, marami akong ipapayo sa kanya. para matuwid yung mga kalokohan ko sa buhay. para maayos nya yung pag-aaral nya ng 3rd yr dahil dun pala nakasalalay yung UP application ko. haha sana nasa mabilis na daan ako tungo sa medisina. kaso mukhang hindi ganun ang gusto ng tadhana para sa akin. hindi ko naman sinisisi yun, dahil totoo namang marami akong natutunan, nakilala at nakita sa kakaibang daan na binigay sa akin ng tadhana.

kahit ano pa man ang mangyari, pagkatapos ng lahat ay magiging doktor pa rin ako na produkto ng Pamantasan ng Pilipinas-Kolehiyo ng Medisina. haha.

sa kabuuan ng bisita iglesia, nakapagnilay ako sa mga ginawa ko noong mga panahong iyon, mga dalawang taon na halos ang nakakaraan. alam siguro ng iba ang tinutukoy ko. iyon nga yun. hehehe. mahirap pala ang makalimot. mahirap din ang gawin ang lahat ng iyong makakaya na sa bandang huli ay mauuwi rin sa wala. mahirap mapaniwalaan na nangyari ang lahat ng iyon, dumating at nawala, nang hindi ko nalalaman ang dahilan kung bakit kailangan mangyari yun.

sabi ko nga, hanggang ngayon naiisip ko pa rin kung para saan ang karanasang iyon. hindi ko pa rin yata nakukuha ang aral nun.

maraming salita.
maraming luha.
maraming oras.

sadyang napakalaki na pala ng naipundar ko sa relasyon naming dalawa. pero ang konti pa lang naman ng panahong lumipas. apat na taon pa lang. o lima? hindi ko na rin alam.

kaarawan ngayon ng taong mahal ko. pagkakataon upang mapakita ko kung gaano sya kahalaga sa akin.


pagkakataon para masabi kong napakasaya ng buhay na andyan sya.
(biglang kambyo ang pinagsasabi ko ngayon no? ganun talaga.)

weirdo sila

had a great day today. me-ann and I went mall hopping, sale kasi. nakabili ako ng bagong denim jeans. wala na kasi akong jeans e, 3 pares lang meron ako tapos hirap pa magrotate ng damit. hehe ayoko magslacks andali kasi marumihan. i liked the pair that i brought, soft yung tela sarap nung fit sa binti. plus its just 400 pesos. i hated bench for having overly priced jeans, thank goodness for sales.

kaya sabi ko sa sarili ko, tuwing sale lang ako bibili ng pantalon. kasi sa bench lang ako nabili. (may naligaw na human na jeans kasi nga ang mamahal ng bench.)

many people do not know that I only stick to certain brands. really, tignan nyo yung mga damit ko at mga gamit sa bahay. hehe.. brand conscious ako. i even collect their tags (something that i don't do anymore due to lack of space to put them in)

bakit nga ba? di naman sa nagpapakasosy ako. sabi nga sa klase namin bentahe ng brand name ang panagutan ang kalidad ng kanilang binebentang produkto . if a brand establishes itself as a high quality brand (i.e. nike) then we can say that every other item associated or made under this brand can be expected to be of high class production. that's what's up with brands. i look for quality in what i use, plus i'm too lazy to memorize my sizes on different brands and it's too tedious to fit every single item i'm going to buy. saves me the hassle finding the right size for myself. i can just go in their store, and when i see something that may be worth buying, i just ask my size. no need to make tedious fittings.

so there, a little bit of trivia for people who don't know me yet manage to find my blog.

back to what i was supposed to type, i find some things about people which are weird.
things like:
- going inside the mall when the sign clearly reads EXIT
- going through the male line when they are actually females (not gays mind you)

these two things i often observe of people going to malls. are they stupid? or are they just itching to go inside the mall that they disregard the dignity that they have and embarrass themselves in front of people?

siguro kasi sale kaya nagmamadali. pero kakaiba pa rin. antatanda pa naman nila. at marami sila. wala man lang nakahalata na mali yung lugar na pinapasukan nila.

yun lang. hehe. may cable tv na kami. oye oye. :)

blog muna

rambol rambol siguro tong post na to. hehehe.. anyway, kakatapos lang ng pag gawa ko ng mga bagay. bale ang natitira na lang siguro ay:
- hum2 na exam ko
- results ng exam kay doc ed. na magdidikta kung babalik pa ba ako ng skul pagkatapos ng holy week.
- curriculum vitae (hindi talaga nauubos ang gawain kay sir john)

ayan na lang siguro. looking forward to my vacation. kahit maikli lang yun, tas practicum na. ok lang. at least eventful ang summer ngayon. kaso di ako makakanood ng NBA playoffs. asar naman yun. hahaha..

grabe talaga ang mundo ng pulitika. sa dami ng taong involved na gustong makakuha ng pwesto sa konseho, ayun andaming pinag gagawa. ay nako, sakit ng ulo.

answerte pala talaga ni GMA. ayaw talaga syang matanggal sa Malacañang. ipa assassinate na lang kasi yan. tas DCG na. hahaha!!!

ayun lang. para naman maupdate yung blog ko para sa mga taong dumadaan dito sa aking site.

p.s.
sa sinumang may alam kung san makakakuha ng kopya ng And1 mixtape tour (kahit anong volume), mangyari lamang na kontakin ako. hehe. :)

three things

medyo may sakit ako ngayon e. napasobra ang singhot ko ng alikabok kaya ayun nagkasinusitis ako.
sakit sa ulo. hehe tulo pa ng tulo yung mga bagay sa ilong ko. kailangan ko na rin pala magpahinga. pero update muna.

nga pala, salamat kay me-ann para sa cap na bigay nya. ang ganda talaga ng cap. nag abala ka pa talaga no? hahaha! salamat ulit! :)

tatlong bagay lang ang pagtutuunan ko ng pansin dito.

1. freedom wall ng UP
- aminado akong isa ako sa mga tumutuligsa sa freedom wall ukol sa mga nakasulat/likha na napapaloob dito. at dahil dito ay samu't saring mga reaksyon ang nakuha ko, kesyo raw karapatan naman daw nila ang iensayo ang kanilang kalayaan sa pagpapahayag.

medyo napaisip ako, siguro nga ganun iyon, pero may mali talaga sa ginagawa nila. hindi ko malaman kung ano ito, hanggang sa isang araw nakita ko sa akda ng isang librong nabasa ko ang mga salitang ito..

"freedom is only a negative aspect of a whole phenomenon whose positive aspect is RESPONSIBILITY. Freedom degenerates into an arbitrary agent once it is lived beyond the lines of responsibility. As with the United States of America, I propose a Statue of Responsibility as a counterpart of the Statue of Liberty."

sa wakas. ngayon medyo alam ko na ang kulang sa freedom wall natin. ito ay ang responsibilidad. responsable bang paggamit ng kalayaan sa paghahayag ang paghahanap ng textmate sa pamamagitan ng pagsulat ng numero ng iyong cellphone sa freedom wall? gamitin naman natin sa wasto at responsableng paraan ang ating kalayaan mga taong nagsusulat sa freedom wall. wag nating hayaang bumaba ang grado ng responsibilidad at kalayaan sa ating pamantasan.

2. jun lozada
- pareho kami nung pamangkin ni ruthy. masakit na ang ulo ko ke jun lozada. wala man syang pakialam ukol sa kanyang "celebrity" status ay tila sinasamba sya ng mga taong sumusuporta sa kanya.

tama lang siguro na sabihing isa sya sa may hawak ng susi upang malaman ang buong pangyayari. tama lang siguro na mag-ikot sya sa mga paaralan upang ipaliwanag ng husto ang tanong at haka-haka na namuo sa mga kaisipan ng taumbayan ngayon.

pero, sa sympo na tinampukan ni lozada na aking nadaluhan ay napansin kong tinatanong sya ng mga tao roon kung ano ang dapat bang gawin ng taumbayan, kung ano ba ang dapat gawin para umunlad ang Pilipinas at kung ano ba ang dapat gawin upang lumabas ang katotohanan.

hindi ko lang alam ah, pero parang mali yata kayo ng taong tinatanungan.

siguro may punto ang kasama ko nung sinabi nyang gusto lang marinig ng tao ang pananaw ni lozada tungkol sa mga ganoong bagay, pero dapat sigurong alalahanin natin na naging prominente lamang si lozada sa kanyang paghahayag ukol sa mga anomalya sa ZTE broadband deal. hindi po sya isinugo ng Diyos para sabihin sa atin ang dapat gawin upang umunlad ang Pilipinas.

nagtataka lang ako, bakit nga ba tayo may National Broadband deal samantalang hindi naman 1:1 ang ratio ng tao sa computer dito sa ating bansa? hindi naman lahat ng tao ay may access sa mga teknolohiyang ito. mas abala pa sila sa pag iisip kung paano maitatawid ang kanilang pamilya mula sa gutom sa araw-araw na pamumuhay. anlabo nga naman o.

3. campus politics
- sa buong buhay ko sa UP, ngayong 3rd Yr lang ako nakialam sa napakagandang mundo ng pulitika sa pamantasan. dahil nalalapit na ang eleksyon sa UP, narito at nagkalat na naman ang mga kandidato.
ang aking reaksyon sa karamihan sa kanila ay:
"wow, tatakbo pala tong taong ito. ano kaya ang plataporma nya?"

karamihan sa mga poster nila ay hindi naglalaman ng kahit ano bukod sa kanilang pangalan, partidong kinabibilangan at posisyong tatakbuhan. nitong linggong to lang nagkaroon ng mga "kakaunting pagpapahiwatig ng kanilang plataporma" na nakalagay sa kanilang mga posters. (na nagkataon namang huling linggo na ngayon ng kampanya dahil march 7 na ang eleksyon)

kakulangan ba to sa RTR nila? siguro kailangan ko nang puntahan yung miting de avance ng CAS para naman may ideya pa ako kung anong pakulo meron ang mga kandidato ngayong taon.

kanya-kanyang raket. kanya-kanyang papansin. kanya-kanyang pauso. kanya-kanyang pabango. kanya-kanyang sabuyan ng baho. dirty tactics. election protests. di pa kasama dyan ang mababang voter turnout sa pamantasan (na sa aking palagay ay nasa 45-50% lamang.)

ok to a. pareho lang din halos ang pulitika sa national level at sa campus level. sayang, kala ko medyo iba pagdating sa campus level eh. hindi rin pala. ay, siguro ang pagkakaiba lang dito, di masyadong malaki yung perang nadadamay. pero may pera pa rin. bale magkapareho pa rin sila. ay ano ba talaga?! naguguluhan na ako.

paper ko sa hum2

nasiyahan akong gumawa ng paper kaya eto ipopost ko rin dito para masaya. :D

Man’s Search for Meaning

For many of us, deep contemplation of our humanity only comes into fore in the face of immorality. When events dawn upon us which bump us out of our comfort zone, we begin to realize the fragility of our humanity. What does make an individual human? Does being human become limited to the use of spoken or written language, culture and making mistakes? (to err is human as they say) Our humanity has always been tied to our existence on this world. To this we may ask, does humanity go deeper than what we can imagine? Is there more to humanity than culture and spoken/written language? In his popular book to which this paper has been named after, psychologist Viktor Frankl provides simple answers to these questions. His experiences from the Nazi concentration camps not only gave him a chance to observe humanity at its barest essence, but also go through the same pains and small pleasures that inmates had to endure during those years. Humanity, as Frankl observes, aims to find a sense of purpose or meaning behind every event of pleasure and suffering to which an individual encounters. The instinct of survival is closely associated to one’s meaning of life. Without it, man becomes disheartened and thus, succumbs to death.

Death is one strong indicator of humanity. For the author of this paper, death presents itself as a sign of the finiteness of human life. It comes without warning, and the notion of it compels an individual who is aware that his death may be just around the corner to make full use of his lease on life. Death on the concentration camps as noted by Frankl, become ordinary events which are very contrasting to how modern outside society treats it. The conditions to which the inmates of the concentration camp were subjected can be very disturbing to an ordinary person whom has yet to experience the numerous horrors inside the camps. Deprivation of almost every comfort accessible to man outside of the camp led the prisoners to a state of heightened apathy. It came down to every man for himself, and survival hanged on the balance of the will to live, as Frankl observes. Suffering in an extreme degree has stripped down the individual, Frankl included, to the barest shred of humanity that they had. Aside from the withered and battered shape of their bodies, the blatant disregard for life by those who kept them in the camps have fostered a sense of disregard and hopelessness to life in itself. Should it be unbelievable to imagine that such torture has been endured by someone who actually survived and was able to tell about his experience? The author of this paper thinks so, and with this a vital point of humanity is seen: the will to live.

Frankl describes human will as the primary motivation of man to live and survive in his life. The human will is not a product of his primary instincts (i.e. the ego), but a manifestation of a unique meaning inherent in every human individual. In meaning we also relate the term objective or purpose, or an end to which a human is entitled to fulfill in his/her life. The willpower of a human is nourished by the will to life (or will to meaning in Frankl’s terms), love (in its many forms) and suffering. Why include suffering? Before answering this, we must first focus on how the will to live and love strengthen the ties that bind the human will together. The will to meaning, the general urge to find one’s purpose in life, provides man with a goal that is unique to him/her and which only he/she can accomplish. As Frankl notes, not all of us are able to see instantly the meaning of our lives. Some of us may have a hard time acquiring this, while others travel along paths which lead then further away from this. In the acquisition of this purpose, man finds stability and inner peace within himself together with a new general direction for his/her existence. What about love? Love, other than being a feeling, is a consolidating force which enables a person to see the fullest of another. It is through love, Frankl says, that a person’s full humanity is displayed. The human potential can only be seen through the eyes of the one who loves him, and it is this phenomenon which empowers individuals who share love with one another and lift each other in times of need. Love preserves the fire to live, and as Frankl shows in his book, his love and longing for his wife has been a crucial factor in his survival from the camps.

Suffering, though not something of pleasant orientation, also serves as a crucial factor in the fostering of the will. This combination of pain and stress is a key to highlight another point which defines humanity: the ability to change. In the face of a hopeless situation, or within the experience of suffering, man is given a chance to redefine himself. To find light in the midst of darkness, to be able to see hope in a dire scenario and to be able to transform defeat into a moral victory is a defining trait of humanity. The load of potential which is locked within an individual can be released by adversity, and by going through this problem man finds the virtue of sacrifice. The virtue of sacrifice alters the complexion of a man, and moreover, gives meaning to his suffering. The ability to see meaning in pain and suffering has been a skill unique to humanity. The actual process of experiencing distress enables man to improve upon himself even more, allowing him/her to actualize the human potential locked within. This property of suffering also feeds the human will, and thus completes the triumvirate for it.

Frankl’s book also details the fundamental human freedom, the freedom of choice. Humanity gives man the freedom to choose. In a lot of situations in our lives we are required to make choices, and a lot of times the choices we make have a lot of implications in the long run. Ranging from small and insignificant to big and life altering, the freedom of choice has always been inherent to man. According to Frankl, the practice of this freedom by an individual is a vital part to life. Ultimately the concept of choice directly puts into the hands of an individual the control for his/her life. In having sight of their respective purposes in life, one may choose to fulfill them and have inner peace, or do the opposite. Freedom works hand in hand with the human will to fully utilize the innate human potential of man. With these traits man is able to make use of his/her life to the fullest, IF this is the choice being made. Freedom and the human will guides an individual towards the actualization of his/her life’s meaning. They are the means provided by our humanity to achieve our own ends.

Humanity, when stripped of all the comforts and liberties it has enjoyed, bares itself in its purest before the eyes of an informed observer. The primary facets which include the human will and the freedom of choice allow an individual to attain an ultimate goal or end to which his/her life has become the means. The vast potential of humanity is unlocked by the raw power of the human will, and directed by the freedom of choice. The integration of these two gives clarity and direction to the human life. Abstract as it may seem, the achievement of man’s meaning leads to a sense of fulfillment and inner peace. At the end of the day, it is these two factors that give humanity a tangible face which can be seen, appreciated and used to develop oneself into his or her best.

rally

FRIDAY. our class did not have the supposed exam because there was a walk-out of the classes which was spurned by the progressive sectors of the University of the Philippines.

being part of this event left an exhilarating impression on me. for the first time in my life i stood up for my rights as a Filipino. in my mind the people are not apathetic, but they are divided unto what course of action to take.

it is the search and clamor for truth which has unified the people. the masses should be careful though, for unplanned action can be used by the ruling bourgeoisie to slither their way unto electing a new leader which is more of the same mold as of its predecessor.

i think everyone should take action. the time is ripe to make history once more.

(sa mga nakakita sa akin sa tv kung meron man, saludo ako sa inyo dahil nanonood kayo ng late night news :D )

new shoes!!!!

wow, my first post for February. (somehow, the spelling still looks weird to me. i'd rather spell it just Feb than February.)

department week is coming up. i hope to have a lot of fun, since i had a hand in planning the big cosplay event. (i'm sure it's gonna be BIIIIG.)

anyway, mom's birthday is also up for the first week, and we plan to buy her a new pair of slippers. sana magustuhan nya. :)

highlight of the day: somehow i had persuaded my dad to buy me a new pair of shoes. i've been dying to have those shoes for a while now, but i haven't had a chance to stock up some money to buy it. then came the 30% off nike sale. i went nuts. i had to have the shoes. haha! so there, i have a new pair of shoes. i wasn't this happy getting shoes since 4th year, when i my cousin bought me my basketball shoes.

i loaned the money to buy those shoes, which means i'm going to pay them off soon. i've always wanted to buy a pair of shoes for myself. so thanks a lot to my mom and dad!!!! :D

didn't have an active day today. just a typical lazy sunday, loafing around and staring in front of the computer. i've downloaded and converted shows that i am plannning to watch on my ipod. i just installed The Sims 2 plus a few expansions, which means i now have around 5 distractions in my pc right now. i just hope that my pc doesn't break down again. i really become displaced whenever that happens. so now i'm considering an OS downgrade because Vista is totally punishing the pc. It's either that or somehow i hope to get around 20k to overhaul my pc. haha, maybe i should try my luck on the lottery. :P

a few nuisances aside, overall, life's been good lately. hope your life's good too. :)

wala pa rin akong tula

yes, i still do not have a poem for my class tomorrow. i am having a lot of difficulty trying to piece together words which would be creative enough, yet still pack the informational power for it to be considered, well, good.

i admit, wordplay isn't my cup of tea. prose is. so here i am sending out my apologies to those whom have listened, and may have become offended with my not so good use of words. really, i appreciate you all for not covering your ears as i painfully recite the piece of poetry i created.

poetry made me think twice of going into music too much. maybe i doubted myself writing songs. songwriting isn't the way for me, i thought. producing the song is. applying the beat to it. listening to the song itself. one day i'll produce a song. kumbaga, gusto ko yung trabaho ni errol choi sa coffee prince. :) (pero di ako babaero!! haha!)

yeah, music producer. i want that job. i also want to try my hand at being a club dj. mixing sounds. making people groove to the beat. controlling their emotions through the pulsating beats coming from the turntables. that's why i love daft punk, the chemical brothers and sunset daze. my interest for music production led me to club, techno and house music (though i don't do clubbing). i can envision myself doing such. aside from becoming a doctor. heck, maybe i'll try to integrate that music recovery therapy to my future patients. music relaxes the brain. a relaxed brain equates to a stress free body. finally, a stress free body heals faster, and is healthier.

tonight i was subjected to a lot of stress. my pc went haywire thanks to my sister. luckily, i was able to rescue it. the bad news is, i'm still in recovery mode right now. i think my pc and i share a connection. whenever the pc is broke, i'm broken too. haha!! its funny at the same time very weird. well i can't blame myself for loving my computer. di pa naman ako addict, wag kayong mag-alala. hahaha!!!

i'd rather live without a computer than stay with a broken one. :P

a few updates

because my blog has degraded itself into a pathetic waste of bandwidth, i have decided to embark upon a journey to refresh it with my new thoughts. wow, such a deep use of language to explain an excuse for not blogging recently.

i don't see myself as an active blogger though. i only write when i feel like it. i let the urge come to me. i don't like forcing myself to write. i think i am a lesser individual when i force myself.

anyway, a few updates for those who still come.
- toxic days are upon us once again, fellow isko and iska. the antagonistic tendencies of our professors have not only resulted unto more sleepless nights, but also a lot less time for us to socialize, enjoy ourselves (in a non-sexual way of course) and and get in touch with nature (something i have enjoyed doing)
- yet somehow, we find opportunities in which to breathe. 3 hour breaks and afternoon classes are such a welcome sight.
- i have expanded my list of things to buy once again. it now includes a pair of sunglasses and a basketball
- unto the subject of basketball, it is the only activity in which i feel most alive. and it unclogs my brain. i just played a few 1 on 1 matches a while ago, and i never felt so alive again. it is alienating to just stare at the computer monitor all day long.
- washing the dishes has now become my official "thinking time". yes, i got to solve a lot of stuff in my head while washing the plates. :)
- i want my SBC mug already (and the planner, and the tote bag, and the pen, and the free drink coupons)
- i noticed that i am now searching for books related to my course, and am now involving myself pretty much into politics, especially the campus variety. damn school. haha.

so that's pretty much it. go visit my multiply. i have pictures there. haha! :P

woo vista!

wala pang 1 week yung pc ko, nadali na agad ng virus!!! ayus! kaya ayan nagpalit ako ng OS. ganda ng vista, kaso parang kailangan ko nang mag overhaul ng pc. naghihirap na yung pc ko e. hahaha!!!

hurrah for 2008!

wow, and to think that 2007 wouldn't end any faster. welcome to the year 2008. i'm not in any position to tell you what's gonna happen, but i am obliged to tell you what has happened to me.

my PC is back in action!!! my, my, my i am having so much fun right now. no more disconnections for me now. 1GB of RAM and a 160GB HD is coolness!!!

This New Year marks a noticeable drop in fireworks sales and usage. come on, it is good news that a lot less people are hurt, but the reality that people don't see is that the noise has considerably gone down. it's not that people are not buying fireworks, but rather, they are unable to buy because of the prevailing state of our country. hopefully something goes right this year. something that all of us could enjoy.

i'm not really feeling good right now. actually, i think i'm sad. something is awfully off. great, something to start my year with. hahaha.. maybe i shouldn't think about worthless stuff that i don't even have a right to know. i'm not the privy type you know.

in a few days some of us (unfortunately, including me) would be off to school again.
things to buy
- maybe a wallet
- definitely a y-splitter cable
- and a couple of more stuff

so there. happy new year to y'all! :D

because it is a midnight and i am hungry

i've got this feeling in my head right now. i can't point a finger on it, but then, it's a feeling that compels me to do something. something like contemplate, which i don't actually do a whole lot. or even read a book. just do something, my head tells me. but what it is, i do not know. i this an effect of the end of the year fast approaching? or maybe it was the combination of coke and gatorade that has put my head into this state of being.

somehow today has been the climax of me feeling really, really old (maybe mature, but i don't really think i deserve to be called as such) these past few days. my younger sister is almost rebellious right now. something i did not think would happen, but it did. so here i am, watching, talking to her. i don't want to see my sister cut herself or something. i think that's a total bummer. or maybe i just hate the fact that people mutilate themselves due to emotional distress. really pointless. i hope i can pull this off. heck, i am growing old, i'm even starting to become the man in the house. of course next to my dad.

when i was a tad little younger i didn't think i'd be in this situation, growing up to be a man (haha, i am still apprehensive in typing this, but i have to let this go.

or else it's gonna explode in my face.

i've always liked to be depended on, i've always wanted to help. somehow growing up, i get tasked these responsibilities, chores or whatever. then i watch the other people grow together with me. i've seen my folks grow, i've seen my friends grow, i've seen my sisters grow and i have seen myself grow, amongst others. somehow i have probably reached that part in my life wherein it is me who shall take on the reins and direct my life to where i want it to go. slowly, but definitely, independence has been given to me. then that point would come, where i am my own boss in my life.

somehow i'll have to be able to accept the changes happening in my life right now. my sisters need me. my family needs me. and maybe someone else out there needs me. i'm thrust into this scenario where i to tell myself that i am no longer a child. not that i'll be growing up into some ridiculous, pessimistic monster, but i'd rather not lose the optimism in me that keeps me going. it may make others happy, and seeing others happy makes for a smiling me. (haha) looks like i'll be graduating from my teens sooner than i thought. my goodness. and i thought i was going to go through that twen-teen syndrome a lot of people have.

someday i'll go through all these things which i wrote. the dreaded blog archives. haha. then i'll get a better picture of me. growing up.

i'd pick growing up, rather than growing old.
i hate the word "old". reminds me of a very sad dream i had. peace.

what time is it?! it's christmas time! hoooo!

contrary to what i've thought for the past few days, i would not be posting a very serious blog post due to the fact that it may spoil the holiday spirit. and who wants to read something too serious when everyone is happy and merry-making eh? so here i am, updating my blog.

hooray! this would be the 100th post! on Christmas Eve! haha! life is good my fellow people. indeed. although i threw away 400 bucks for a set of crummy earphones (damn you odyssey. i still can't get over it), i feel though that everything would work out, starting today.

i've completed the nine mornings of mass!! wooop wooop!!!! i still don't know if my wish would be granted, but i do hope so.

moving on, i wish that everyone enjoys this Christmas season, where it be an up or down year for y'all. it's always good to end the year with a bang, and with the new year just around the corner, this would also be a good time to evaluate oneself. what you did, what you learned (side note: suddenly my stomach is aching. not good), what you've accomplished during the past 365 days. then thank the Lord for every blessing you have received. people often overlook this, so be a nice boy/girl and give thanks to the man above.

i suddenly realized that I too, am growing up. like what my long time friend has jokingly said to me, "nagbibinata ka na?". which got me into thinking. well, somehow, i've encountered experiences that have shaped me into what i am now, and i am glad to say that, well, i've grown as a person. so too are the people around me. i think surrounding myself with the right mix of people has made me better and wiser than the year before. wow, so feeling ko naman antanda ko na. pero ok lang. i really think i've outgrown myself from last year. i hope this bowls over to 2008. that would be fun. :)

i want to say once again, thanks to all of the people whom have made this year as memorable as the other years. in a few month's time we would all be in our last years in college (well, not for me, i still have med school), and a few more moments after that, we'll be graduates. Christmas, i think, is the best time to thank all of those people whom you have made memories with. do remember that i love you all!!!

happy holidays! :D

futures

for my 99th post, i have decided to talk about something i have recently contemplated about. usually, everyone wonders what our tomorrow would look like. since we live in a society dictated by our endless hours of toil, confusion, and grumbling of our stomachs, no one has risen up to provide us with a vision of what we should look forward to in the coming days.

while our pathetic government gives us a vague picture of our nation's "development", we Filipinos are still here, living on a day-to-day subsistence. Where the meals we worry about are the meals we eat today, not giving so much thought on what tomorrow brings. we have holed up ourselves too long in this "present day" attitude of us. because in order to bring forth change, a vision is required.

as our high school class valedictorian has said in his inaugural address, "ano pa ba ang nasa dako pa roon?" ("what is thee over thy yonder?" for the common playwright). usually, we may reply with the i don't know and i don't really care face. or maybe that was just my case. i was the immature young man back in high school. i can happily say that i am now unlike that young man nowadays. life has made me a bit more mature, a bit more ready to take on life. in order to achieve what we see the in future, it is vital that ample preparation should be undertaken.

recently i have convinced myself not to believe in those fortunetellers out in the streets, claiming to know your future. not that i really believed them, but the false overtures that they give sometimes get through the people so much that those whom had seen them attest to their credibility. nagkakatotoo raw mga hula nila. e ayun nga, mga hula lamang iyon at hindi dapat pinapaniwalaan. "manghuhula" nga sila e. hinuhulaan lang nila ang mga pwedeng mangyari. i think that mentality is wrong, but this assumption cannot be helped for their prediction presupposes the forthcoming events. that being said, i theorized that any kind of message related to our immediate future brings to our innate subconscious a kind of message that, these certain events should happen. accordingly, we actually do steps in order to achieve what the fortuneteller has told us. that should not be allowed to happen. we ourselves are in direct and total control of our lives (unless you yourself are being controlled), and our future is a big part of it.

unlike other creatures, we are unique because a) we have a thing called culture, and b) we are the foremost agent of change in our lives. we must not let our visions for ourselves be limited by those who are around us. we are not forbidden to stretch the limits of what we can achieve for the human being is capable of anything that he puts his mind and conscious effort into.

as my professor has told in our class, the construction worker who sees the formation of a church in the piles of hollow blocks and cement is the best worker, for he has established a vision, a visible goal, an end for which all means would lead up to. we must be like this worker. we must work on our lives, set goals and work hard to achieve them. any obstacle in the way is to be conquered. every failure should be taken with lessons learned. every critic should be silenced. this is how human life should be. an adventure of unlimited discovery and achievement. a testament of the power of the will.

the true power of humanity is its ability to change the world. it is in everyone's hands and therefore, all must work for the better life. it may be idealist but what the heck, if it is for the greater good, then it should be done.

My will shall shape the future. Whether I fail or succeed shall be no man's doing but my own. I am the force; I can clear any obstacle before me or I can be lost in the maze. My choice; my responsibility; win or lose, only I hold the key to my destiny. - Elaine Maxwell

not today

i was supposed to blog about something today, but apparently, i don't think i would push through with it right now because my pc has acquired this habit of disconnecting from the internet (which is a lot of bull)

please let Christmas come early. i need the money to upgrade my beloved computer.

ka-BOOM!

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder

- Boys Like Girls

by accident, i stumbled upon this song one boring day surfing your friendly neighborhood mp3 streaming site. the first time i heard this, i was, well blown away. i desperately had to get myself a copy of the song. i actually downloaded the original song, then a few days later i learned that they had an acoustic version. then and there i realized that it was the acoustic version that dragged me into this hole where i can just spend one whole day listening to one song.

the last time i was so hooked to one song was during my senior year in high school. then now as i am spending my third year in college, i stumbled upon this. this is such a good song for those who love somebody.

the song was originally about a summer fling. which, by the time it ended, made the person singing realize that he didn't want another fling and decided to take on his fling to another level, but that was already impossible because it ended pretty badly.

i think being in love gives a lot of people this aura of invincibility. this "you and me against the world" attitude. but sometimes, we need to mix this invincibility with a dose of realism. we need to put into perspective the possibilities of sourness and bitterness in a relationship. having realism in a relationship means that each one of you needs to work hard in order to preserve what has already been established. love is about hard work. being in love is already a commitment and staying in love is a passion worth taking risks for. it's the happiness and the fulfillment that people yearn from love. i think it is what they are looking for in their significant other.

but at the end of the day, we all like to feel invulnerable at some point of our lives. that's what the song points out. it poses a challenge to the world to bring it on. because he can take it all for he is in love.

too bad a lot of people don't know about this song. nice. i hate it when something i like becomes too popular. :)

the week that was..

*due to insistent public demand, i have simultaneously updated both my blogger and multiply blog with the same post. A FIRST! :D*

the first week of my second semester isn't really finished yet, but i did do a lot of things, some of which are entertaining while the others aren't really interesting. i did pick up some new things while i was out there in Manila doing my business (which was to spend and save money).

next week would be our first reporting and our group reflection paper. should be a piece of cake for our group THE FIRM for we are, should i say, the best of the best men in our block.:)

what did i do this week which merits a mention in this space of mine?
- went to Dulce Saguisag's funeral. then the President was there, which explained the tons and tons of security people both outside and inside of St.Scholastica's
- had to adjust myself of going back and forth to Manila (again, the daily grind has left me tired, but nevertheless i find solace in the fact that i got to know something new, although i don't really know what it was)
- spent more time strolling at the mall rather than sitting in the classroom (due to cancelled classes)
- first time for me to encounter a super early bird professor (which made me look like someone who was late)
- bought my coveted nike thong slippers (OH YES!) next on my list: PC UPGRADE!
- had my allowance reduced *sigh*
- thought about blogging my opinion regarding the thin line between being thrifty and being a cheapskate (maybe it's going to appear in my blogspot, when i have the time)
- affixed my signature in a number of accomplished form 5s of the UPM students (salamat chairman Robert sa iyong pagpapa-unlak, kahit di ako USC. wahahaha!)
- thought about joining an org (FINALLY!)
- finally went to Cerealicious, which was delicious by the way, and no, the cereal doesn't get soggy even if it was dipped forever in their milk. SUGOI!
- watching Air Gear (also shown in ABS-CBN), really cool anime. i hope they have prepared a next season
- loving and appreciating life with friends and with the one i love. naks. anlandi. :P

and so it was my Monday to Friday. i still have Saturday though. Chaikofi mode raw kami. Nice. I want the VIP lounge with the strobe lights inside their tables. :)

memory plus

because of a lack or should i say, drought of inspiration to post, i haven't been able to write a lot in my blog for a while. i guess i'm not the type of person who's passionate about writing so that means either i blabber a lot or i write a load of non-sense in my posts. or maybe i'm just too lazy to write about anything. my middle finger hurts (it's sore) which means typing nowadays would become a tad too tedious to engage in. so anyway, after this useless banter i should get on talking about what i'm supposed to discuss about: memories.

after some blog hopping, and after watching episode 1 of eureka seven for the nth time (must watch anime, really!) i stumbled upon a concept which is a worthwhile topic of conversation, the thing we call memories.

because time does not stop for us, and because you can't step on the same river twice, we have memories. these fragments of thought which are used to store specific events which happen to us in our everyday lives. they range from small ones to big, cinematic ones. even those idle moments some of us take for granted can be considered great memories for some.

all the memories we have are stored in the brain. nothing is spared. i suppose it only boils down to the preferences of the individual whether he decides to repeatedly remember a specific moment of his or her life, or none at all. i don't think this is about the brain's power to recall data, but rather it is the willingness of the person to remember which powers the resurfacing of his/her memories.

we all have our favorite memories. we also tend to attach them to people, especially those who are dear to us. for me it is an imperative that each and every person we meet has a memory associated to them if ever we want to recall them. our memories of them serve as our tags to organize them inside our head.

i have a quote about memory.. goes something like:
"the thing about movies and music is that they aren't about the stories they tell, but rather the memories they create. they remind you most of all the past relationships and realizations you have made in your life."

i have a little theory about hit songs and movies. i think those which remind us most of ourselves, of what we have experienced in our lives, of the people we have met, are the ones which we love the most. that the most beloved movies and music are those which share the common sentiments of the people. i suppose that's why the topic of love is thrown around a lot, because people are drawn to it, because they can relate. because they see themselves in that man standing outside the window, drenched in the pouring rain and waiting for his love to come out. somehow a lot of us have these kinds of memories. or maybe not, but they easily associate themselves to these characters.

i think everyone is yearning to find someone who shares the same set of memories about a certain situation as they do. that's why it is best to ask help from someone who has been through what you are going through, although it is hard to find someone who had the exact same experience as you did, a few parallels should readily bridge the gap between two people.

memento. it is an object which represents a memory. it was there when that moment happened, and as such, it becomes a silent witness to what transpired that day. i think everyone possesses a memento of his or her favorite memory. it helps in the recall process. and well, it serves as a reminder that, in some point in your life, you experienced this and this object becomes evidence that, indeed, such a moment happened in your life.

memories, no matter how fleeting, how painful or how long, are always cherished by those who share them with other people. for many individuals, sharing memories with other people is an affirmation of their lives and existence. it is the keystone which unlocks a trove of emotions, both good and bad.

remember when they say, "you don't know what you got till it's gone"? it's the memories which remind you of the real value of what you just lost. memory is an intangible carrier which is controlled by the surrounding environment. it is the clay which is molded by the surroundings and hardened by time. for us, it is the clear testament of the moments that we have had, both good and bad.

one year

i haven't really noticed it, but to my disbelief my blog is already a year old. poor me i didn't notice it earlier, but its better late than never. so...

HAPPY ONE YEAR TO MY BLOG!! WOOHOOO!!!!

i remember trying to think of a domain name for my blog. medyo nahirapan din ako noon, kasi ayoko gamitin yung pangalan ko, at the same time ginusto ko ng unique na phrase or something.

then after playing through the whole 4 campaigns of Warcraft 3: Reign of Chaos for the nth time, i hit upon the word "ethereal".

in my own lexicon ethereal means false or illusionary. cool. then i stacked in the word reality, and there you have it. literally my blog name means "false reality", a very common philosophical paradox often found in the works of Focault, Eco and Kant.

but that doesn't mean that everything in this blog is false. nothing is. this is me, this is what i do and what i sometimes think.

writing for me has become an outlet and a refuge, much like the game of basketball. it can be emotionally charged most of the time, and there are those rare times where intellectualism kicks in and then there would be too few people who know what i talk about. its fun really, especially when people come in and read then leave comments (paparinig sa mga di nagcocomment! haha) and when people appreciate or somehow relate to what i write. it is a good feeling, and so i continue to write when i have both the time and the material to go with it.

so to all of those who regularly drop by, please leave a comment. it is very much appreciated. and don't worry, i'm not going to diss you all. maybe just one at a time. :D

the beginning of something beautiful

i can't really put a finger on it in my head, but i think there exists a song with the same title as this one.
well, i'd have to admit this one came pretty late. a bit of time has flown since i have rebooted my life and everything is in tippety-top shape so far.

called me blessed, or maybe i'm just that lucky.
but i'd be forever thankful and grateful to a lot of people.

okay, so there are a lot of people. but i just want to train my eyes on this particular person.
can you imagine going home at night, getting inside your room with the lights off, slipping off your sneakers then plopping yourself down at your bed, heaving a big sigh saying to yourself that the day is officially over...

then suddenly smile? parang tanga lang no? hahaha...

then there would be times when you're down. times where days can be a drag. may it be because of the annoying rain, flunking exams or pesky people around you, it just puts you down at times. but in spite of all of this, here you are silently laughing to yourself because something funny happened.

i can't remember the last time anyone really went out of their way to make sure that i wasn't cranky or sad anymore. but hey, i have that someone now. and well, i can heave a collective sigh of relief to my problems. take that! haha!!

i remember telling myself when i was a little kid that no one's ever going to like or even understand me. i remember meeting people who have proven me wrong. i remember the ups and downs with them. then i remember us parting ways because of me screwing up big time.

then i remember her. and i remember how hard it is to write about her because i couldn't stop smiling and i can't start typing.

to hell with having a lot of people. just give me 2 or 3 really good ones. i'd take that anytime.
or better yet, give me someone like her. i'd be set for my whole life.


"this is the story of a girl, who cried a river and drowned the whole world, and while she looks so sad in photographs i absolutely love her, when she smiles..."

something i learned this semester

to review for a final exam is boring.

in lieu of reading a whole lot of words regarding our national hero, here i am now, typing them instead. a lot has been said about what he said, a lot has been done since what he has done himself, so frankly i don't think anything substantial would be bound to come out of this post of mine.

the only thing that would matter this time would be my opinion, for this is my personal space.

as of this time, maybe there would also be other people who are bound to study more about our national hero. not that their school requires them to, or that a certain subject of theirs needs a little backgrounder about Rizal, but because they want to. after all, it takes a lot of things to be tagged with the alias "the pride of the Malayan race" or "the greatest Malayan who ever lived.". from food to fencing, from education to engineering, from ladies to linguistics, Rizal has took them on and has excelled at them with immense style and ease. he was, as i would like to call him, an academic machine. a tank with perpetual motion, able to operate at dizzying speeds and accomplish a whole lot in a very short amount of time. to calculate his efficiency would be something of a beauty. no movement wasted, nothing taken for granted.

calm, cool and smart. not your typical nerd. he could lay down his fists as if it were the law if he wanted to. he was the school valedictorian with the bully's strength. he was the doctorate holder who had a jiu-jitsu black belt. he may be, in our time, the Nobel Prize laureate, Olympic Gold medalist and UFC lightweight champion all at the same time. he was THAT good. and he was a Filipino.

but apart from all the accolades (including the 22 languages he speaks fluently), he was first and foremost a nationalist. a reformist who wanted equality practiced in his homeland between his people and their conquerors.

he whom wrote two blockbuster novels which depicted scenes of society delivered with his own critical commentary in the form of his lead character. part historian and part sociologist, our national hero gave us a 3rd person perspective of what the Filipino has endured during the arduous and taxing reign of the Spaniard. noting that not only was thorough critique given but also comprehensiveness not being compromised unlike in other history books written today.

Joe was THAT good. his teachings are timeless. his writings have a certain prophetic ring to it. fanatics to him claim that he is a godsend. a reincarnation of Jesus Christ. yet the mere fact that his writings about society which were published more or less 300 years ago are still applicable today indicate a sad truth: we still have not progressed as a nation.

backward, neo-colonial and marginalized. this is who we are. and unless a conscious effort is given to make sure that our national hero's works are to be rendered ineffective in today's world, we would still be stuck in where we are. still a conquered and beleaguered people whom owe their identity to foreign powers in control. the only things which are different in today's society is the fact that we are being controlled in more subtle and psychological ways. our patronization of the english language is one. sabihin nyo nagsusulat ako ngayon sa ingles. oo nagsusulat ako para yung mga nagfifeeling na magaling dyan at nakakaintindi ng ingles (kuno) e basahin yung blog ko. para mamulatan naman sila. para di sila tawaging tanga at ignorante.

if what Rizal wrote a couple of hundred years ago still holds true today, then we have a lot of work to do. if what we see in his writings still reflect in our society today, then we can say that we still live in the Spanish era. Filipinos still being a minority in their own land. peddling what remains of their "culture" to tourists who feel that they immerse themselves in deeply rooted cultural activities. in a world where everything is sourced to maximize profits and gains, nobody has yet taken that step backward to see if we have moved even a little bit as our national hero envisions us to, or there are a lot already, such as the Constantinos, but their influence is heavily limited to those who have access to the vast syntheses they have made for Philippine historiography. our national hero's writings are preserved for a lot of reasons, one to for us to appreciate his vision for a better nation, and another to be a guide or a point of comparison for us to know if we have indeed made strides forward towards national development. if we still see ourselves in the picture Rizal has painted in his works, then what we have done is inadequate.

there is more work to be done. and there can never be too many hands to do the dirty work.
if we fight a mirror image of ourselves, all we have to do then is to break the surrounding glass.

SENATE

galing kami sa senado kanina. kasi kinapanayam namin si Senador Pia S. Cayetano ukol sa isyung e-waste.
eto mga nangyari:
- late si mark at nilibre nya kami ng pamasahe (taxi pa) papuntang GSIS kung saan nagtatrabaho ang mga senador
- di pumasok yung magaling kong titser kaya di rin kami nakapagpasa nung case study na pinagpuyatan ko. haha laking abala talaga.
- daming media at senador sa senate building (malamang)
- dami ring kupal. mga mayamang squatter. mga kakandidato sa eleksyon kaya pumunta sa senado para manghingi ng suporta sa isang senador.

halimbawa.
lalaki1: oi pare! long time no see! balita ko kakandidato ka raw sa barangay ninyo a.
lalaki2: oo nga pare. kaya nga ako andito e. hehehe!!!

tignan ninyo, ultimo mga taong kumakandidato sa mga mababang posisyon ay nag-aabala pang lumuwas ng maynila upang mamalimos. ang gastos ninyo. para kayong mga tao sa wowowee. napakahayok sa pera. tama yung kinaiinisan naming security sa sinabi niya.

"mga maliliit na buwaya lang naman yang mga yan eh."

- dumalo rin kami ng senate hearing. may mga bill na madaling napasa. at dun ko narealize na ang privilege speech pala ay maaring maging tungkol sa kahit saan. sa senado, pwede kang dumaldal ng tungkol sa kinain mong almusal kaninang umaga kahit na tungkol sa national budget ang agenda ng inyong meeting.
- sa wakas nakita ko na rin sa tunay na buhay ang pagwawala ni Miriam Defensor-Santiago. ayos.
- andun din si Rez Cortez. baka papanoorin nya si Kiko Pangilinan. o kaya sisigaw sya ng "NO TO MR. NOTED!" habang nagsasalita ang asawa ni Sharon.
- walang pumapansing taga -media kay Migs Zubiri sa Senado. hmmmm bakit kaya?
- nagresign na si Benjamin Abalos bilang Comelec Chairman
- may babaeng dumating na galit na galit na pinagmumura ang mga Aquino. malamang isa sya sa libu-libong sakada na nabiktima ng pangmomolestya ng mga may-ari ng lupa.
- MAY TWISTER FRIES NA ULIT ANG MCDO! :)
- at may bago na kaming crush. si Art Angel! woohoo!

yun lang. masaya mag-ikot sa senate building. at tama naman ang mga senador natin. may mga problema tayong sana ay tapos na kung maayos lamang ang pag implementa ng batas.

salamat sa bench

yesterday BENCH saved my day. and my life.

bow. :P

an apple a day keeps sadness at bay. :P

an apple. so? masarap yan. hahaha!!! weird yung fusion ng caramel at yung fruitiness ng apple. it's a new experience for me, este, for us pala. hahaha!!!

more apples to come! woohoo!!!

next up: frozen bananas and caramel fondue!!!!
*rawwwwwwwr*

mga kwentong regular bus

Mas masarap yata to ikwento sa tagalog. Hehe.. mga kwentong bus daw o. ayos. Hindi ito yung bus na de aircon ah. Eto yung bus na regular. Yung sinasakyan ng karamihan sa ating hindi gaanong kalakihan ang laman ng bulsa matapos ang isang araw ng pagtatrabaho o kaya’y pag-aaral. Yung sinasakyan ng mga nagtitipid tulad ko kapag malamig naman ang panahon at hindi gaanong brutal at nagpapawis ang aking balat. Eto yung bus ng masa. Eto ang pinakamalapit sa tao, at sya ring pinakanaglalaman ng mga samu’t saring kwento ng pakikibaka, pagtatagumpay at kasiyahan sa gitna ng laganap na kahirapan at paghihikahos dulot ng mga garapal sa itaas at ng mga nagpapatakbo sa kanilang mga banyaga.

Nung igala ko ang tingin ko sa mga pasahero ng bus noong gabing yon, nakita ko ang mga pagmumukha ng mga taong pagod, at kung minsan naman ay, kuntento sa kanilang nagawa ngayong araw. Sila’y mga manggagawa, mga estudyanteng dugyot tulad namin, mga klerk ng department store, mga trabahador sa pabrika at kung anu-ano pang mga samut-saring trabaho. Dito ko naisip na, ito ang realidad ng lipunang ginagalawan ko. Dito rin nagsimulang umagos ang daloy ng inspirasyon na bumalot sa aming dalawa ng aking kasama rin sa bus. Sa hindi inaasahang pagkakataon, napagnilayan namin ang aming mga minimithi, mga pangarap at mga gustong makamit pagkatapos mag-aral. Napag-usapan din namin ang realidad ng buhay dito sa pilipinas, mga nakaraang nakakawiling ungkatin tulad ng mga ala-ala nung hayskul, mga nakaraan ng ibang tao, mga ex boyfriend nya, mga taong hindi marunong magbasketbol at ang tatak ng pulitika na umiiral dito sa ating bansa.

Malaking tulong din pala ang paglanghap sa tunay na hangin, mabaho man ito o hindi. Masangsang man ang amoy ng hanging ito o kaya’y mabango, hinding hindi mawawala mula rito ang katangiang ito ay buhay, kabaligtaran ng hangin na lumalabas mula sa bibig ng isang air conditioner, na bagamat malamig ay likhang tao lamang na hindi nagtataglay ng buhay.

Tinanong ako ng aking kasama kung bakit napili kong mag-aral sa UP manila.
Ganito ang nasabi ko sa kanya.

Tignan mong maige ang paligid mo, walang mga puno di ba? Walang lilim, walang proteksyon mula sa kalikasan. Ano ba ang andito sa Maynila? Walang iba kundi ang katotohanan ng mga nangabubuhay dito. Ang kahirapan, ang masangsang na amoy, ang kriminalidad, ang hindi kasiguruhan ng iyong buhay at ang nakakapasong init ay araw-araw na hinaharap ng mga tao rito upang mabuhay pa ng isa pang araw at nang sa gayon ay panatilihing buhay ang kanilang pangarap na kasaganahan. Sa tingin ko’y kapag nalampasan mo ang apat na taong kurso sa peyups maynila ay maari mo nang harapin ang ano mang kalokohan na pwedeng ibato sa iyo ng buhay.

(medyo pinapogi ko yung nasabi ko, pero eto rin naman yung punto nun e. haha.)

delikado ba kamo sa diliman? Subukan mong dumaan sa pedro gil ng gabing gabi. Tignan natin kung di ka masaksak pag napagtripan ka ng mga kumag dun.

Pangarap kong magduktor. Hindi dahil sa pera. Hindi para sa angas. Hindi para sa karangalan. Gusto kong gawing mas mainam ang kalusugan ng mga taong nagkukumahog magtrabaho upang may maipakain sa kanilang sarili. Gusto kong tulungan ang putang nagbebenta ng kanyang laman para lamang mapaaral ang nakababatang kapatid, ang manggagawang sumasali sa kilos protesta upang siguruhin ang kaayusan ng kinabukasan ng kanyang mga anak, ang guro na walang sawang nagbabahagi ng kanyang kaalaman hindi lamang sa kanyang asignatura kundi pati na rin sa kanyang kaalaman ukol sa buhay. Nais kong tulungan ang mga maliliit na mga mamamayang ito, na kahit wala sa upuan ng kapangyarihan ay nakakakita pa rin ng paraan upang makatulong sa pagsasaayos ng lipunang sinira ng patuloy na pananamantala mula sa mga nakakataas. Nais kong tulungan silang maging malusog, nang sa gayon ay mabuhay pa sila ng isa pang araw upang ipaglaban ang kanilang mga paniniwala’t adhikain.

Ito ang kwento ng isang tao na sumakay ng isang regular na bus. Isang tao na kahit papaano ay naisagawa ang mga ipinukpok sa kanya ng kanyang mga propesor sa kolehiyo. Ang taong kahit papaano’y naanalisa ang katotohanang tumambad sa kanyang harapan. Isang taong nag-iisip. Hindi na ignorante. At higit sa lahat, isang taong mulat.

Let's GO UP!!!

*the following are thoughts of someone who has watched his favorite team literally resurrect themselves back from the depths.*

i've always been proud of my school. though i'm not the blabber mouthed, active and engaging student who parades himself/herself as a bona fide member of the UP constituency, i am still, by heart, a true Isko. someone who has lots of stuff to do in my everyday life, yet still manages to squeeze out free time and funds to show my support for the school's team.

yeah i know, we are 0-15 (i think). we suck. we have the worst record in the UAAP standings. i've never seen a team with such a record that sucked. we were supposed to suck anyway, but not by this degree. hell, we're even heckled by people we don't know who relentlessly throw one-liners at us.

"o bigyan nyo na yang mga taga-UP na yan, andami namang panalo ng mga yan e."
"o tatakan mo na yang mga yan, para namang mananalo sila di ba?"

this kind of mediocre verbal attack places them at a level way below what we perceive as standard decency. di ko nga magets e, anlaki yata ng mga problema nila sa eskwelahang pinapasukan ko. di naman sila napasok sa ibang eskwelahan. di naman sila mukhang alumni. mga pangkaraniwang manggagawa naman din sila, na binabayaran yung pag-aaral ko. i really don't get it.

what i do know is, despite of our dubious record which i think no team would ever match, our boys have lived up to our school's name. FIGHTING Maroons.

Yeah, there have been times that the losses were too much to swallow (30+ pts margin in more than 3 games) but the boys showed up to play once more the next game. There were also disheartening losses (like the one in FEU) which would really make you wonder how these boys got up from where they were sleeping on and trod the path towards the gym in the wee hours of the morning or afternoon, while all the time thinking of the bundles of requirements they also have to submit (they’re students like us, you know). Being a varsity member doesn’t mean you’d be excused for slacking, because you’re not.

Yes I know, I’m cutting once more the slack that these boys burden. The high expectations, the bitter taste of loss, the fact that every loss amounts to something more as they pile up and the utter frustration and gloom (thank you Studio 23) they have to suffer everyday.

No, I’m tired of pointing fingers. I’m tired of the politics and the whatnot. Let those who are ambitious enough for their own good deal with such bullshit. Joe Lipa is a good coach. Papa Rod (assistant director for athletic recruitment) wouldn’t be lying to me if he said that they always had great practices. Overall it’s the general willingness of the players which are to blame for this. None of them execute plays, none of them plant screens, none of them sacrifice for the team. Sabi nga nung nakausap kong matandang lalaki (UP Alumnus and probably a former Maroon himself) walang puso maglaro yung mga bata ngayon. I kinda agreed with him. I’ve had enough of the “me-first” attitude and the scorer’s mentality they bring to the floor every time. Why won’t they mold their attitudes to the school’s founding principle? The Oblation means giving oneself for the greater good of humanity. Why won’t these guys sacrifice for the betterment of the team? I really don’t know the answers to that question. I’m leaving space for them to prove me wrong next year. I want to see selfless team basketball. I want to see set plays being run. I want to see players who cut hard receive a good pass, and of course, I want to see them win it all. I’m not rushing. Just win it all while I’m alive. Haha.

Supposedly, this blog was for bashing the players for their selfishness on the court. But something happened that changed my mind. Something that happened for 10 minutes.

T’was the last game for the year, and we were against Adamson. Again, mediocrity set in, and we found our beloved school down by 27 at one point of the game due to stupid turnovers and porous defense. I was already waiting to throw in my version of the white towel, or wave the white flag, or whatever to stop the game and further humiliation of our Alma Mater. But the boys bought in something that was missing for fourteen games: their heart.

Suddenly, stops were made, shots were swat, defenses forced turnovers which led to easy baskets, and a few loose balls chased here and there, and suddenly that huge 27 point summit was whittled down to twelve with 8 minutes left on the 4^th quarter. I’ve never seen Mike Gamboa run like that. It was like he was running for his life, along with his teammates. He celebrated, he jumped for joy with every made basket. I was impressed by Zarlo dela Victoria’s defense on Patrick Cabahug. He shut down his man for almost the whole time he was on the court. Too bad he got victimized by a lot of touchy calls and he got strapped with 4 fouls. I was enthralled by the UP crowd and by the Maroons themselves. For an immaculate period of time, momentum was with us. We cheered and jeered. My voice gave out shouting those chants by the pep squad. For some unknown reason, we truly had something to cheer about our down-with-their-luck team. We were one with them. And there we were, surprisingly alive and well, coming up from the pits of a 27-point deficit. And it was good. Really, really good. I was alive and so were all the people around me. The energy was insane. We all stood up to see what would happen next. It was though we were winning. We lost in the end though. But we kept the score respectable and the game became a thriller at the end. It was a very enjoyable experience. And it made me think of how much I am proud to be a part of the UP experience. The thrill, the heartbreaks, the upsets and the joys. All of those were in that game. Our team gave it all. We gave them our all, and that was all that mattered.

I sang the University hymn with pride and honor. Something I haven’t really done yet until now, and it made me happy.

So, see you boys next year. Hopefully you’d be playing really good team ball by that time.

Sa puso at isipan, MAROON ang aking tangan.
U-niber-sidad ng Pilipinas!
Let’s GO UP!

maroons

i'm a basketball freak. i think everyone whom has come to know me knows that. i live and breathe the game. i'm this guy who could talk about it all day. i play when i have time. i watch basketball shows. i am begging God to please give me cable tv so i could watch basketball games more often. when summer or sembreak comes, i come out every morning and shoot the lights out of our court (ok i admit it, my friends and i have ruined 2 nets because of shooting too much).

so here i am, a basketball crazy guy, wanting to talk about my school's team, the University of the Philippines Fighting Maroons Senior Men's Basketball Team.

i've been watching games of the UAAP since 2002. back then people practically worshipped wesley gonzales and enrico villanueva from Ateneo versus the Mike Cortez and Ren-Ren Ritualo show in La Salle.

now all of the players of then are now in the PBA.

what about me? well, i was watching Jino Ferrer, Toti Almeda, Nestor David, Abi Santos, Jireh Ibanez and Marvin Cruz will my favorite school to win games. really, life is hard for UP. as a fellow Isko, i too am being subjected to arduous torture, freakishly short deadlines, endless activities and terrorist professors every single day. now these guys, well aside from those mentioned above, also worry about team strategy, the Xs and Os, and the big guns of the other schools. they had a coach (whom i cannot remember if it was Lito Vergara or not) who supported them and raised hell whenever they were messing it up at the court. the team was good, but they always came up short to qualify for the Final Four.

fast forward a few years. i am now a junior in UP. i've practically seen it all of what the school can offer. and now what happens to the Maroons? here we are, strapped with a whole bunch of kids who play well individually, but can't play well as a team.

where do we stand right now? we are here, in the lowest of lows. where we can't even look at the eyes of our schoolmates and co-constituents while singing our school hymn.

yes Ateneo alumni, i agree with what the lady on my right said during the ending ceremonies of our little game.

"we don't need your fucking applause."

The Maroons have become a running gag in the UAAP. are we proud to have a 0-13 win-loss record? i don't think so. I think all of us here are freaking tired of losing. Who wants to get used to losing? Not fucking me. Not anyone inside the UP community.

How many times has our beloved team come up short for a win? The closest one was the game with FEU, the team with potential ROY winner Marnel Baracael. We led that game 80% of the time, then we collapsed.

No more excuses. I want a win on Saturday against Adamson. Fuck the politics. Screw the point shaving and the gambling of games. Stop the pointing of the fingers. No one wants this “sweep” of ours. Let us deny Adamson a season 70 sweep. Their only win this season came at our expense. Let us return the favor shall we?

Let me say something that may produce a ring to your ears. The UP Fighting Maroons are good. Really? Yeah, they really are. INDIVIDUALLY that is.

Imagine this, have you seen these guys play a good quarter? Have you seen these guys spill their blood out on the court just to put points across the board? Have you seen them dive for those loose balls? Have you seen them clawing their way through thicker and bigger guys to get offensive rebounds?

I’ve seen them do that, and more. We are, and can actually, able to win games from any school save UE. Oh wait, no I’m taking that one back. WE CAN WIN AGAINST ANY FUCKING SCHOOL IN THE UAAP. PERIOD.

A step behind, a step too slow, a step too late. That has been the case of our players whose feet are too big to move around the court.

I’m cutting the slack for these guys right now, because they are receiving more flak and criticism than they should deserve. Come on haters from our school, stop pointing those fingers at people. What they need from us is our support. Not some dissin and trashtalk from you.

And for the players who represent our school, just hear what I’m going to say to you:

Mike Gamboa – you’re a good guy Mike. Tama yung anak kong si Bea, magaling ka nga. The comparisons to Marvin Cruz are well deserved. If you want the school to win, stop giving the ball to the opposition. Four turnovers a game? How many of those were on errant passes? Come on man, look before you pass. And stop poking the ball. Hindi lahat ng tao masusundutan mo ng bola. Try and play honest defense man. Naiiwan ka lang ng bantay mo pag sundot ka ng sundot e. And try not to force your way into the paint. You don’t want to miss a whole year like Marvin Cruz with an ACL do you? And oh, can you shoot the ball better next year? If you wanna be Marvin Cruz, heed my advice, improve your shot. Remember man, Marvin Cruz is the one you wanna emulate here. Not Japs Cuan.

Migs De Asis – “the assassin” eh? Yeah, for a while in your rookie year, you were. Betcha don’t know what an uncontested shot feels like. Look at your game man, a hand in your face every time you shoot. And in a fadeaway? You’re not Kobe or Michael, come on! Why not try and copy Reggie Miller for one? Make liberal use of screens. Cut fast, and cut hard. You have a big body Migs. Hasn’t it come to you to use that tank like body of yours? Konting gulang pa pare. You’ve managed to floor Chris Tiu last year (my favorite Migs de Asis highlight), certainly you can do it again right? At wag pikon. Man, you are the 1^st player I’ve ever seen draw 2 fouls within 30 seconds. Try to keep your cool.

Woody Co – wow, anlaki mo pala sa personal. And you can shoot man. Really. Ano bang pwede kong sabihin sa yo? Well, the point shaving controversy got me somewhere and I thought, you’re freakin rich pare. Ano yun? Sana di totoo yun di ba? Just play the way you play. Good things come to those who work hard.

Jayfelson Agbayani – pare nakakatuwa ka maglaro. Lakas mo magcut, masipag ka sa depensa, mahilig ka sa ilalim ng ring. Tama yun. A few effective post moves should do the trick. Nestor David material ka tsong, galingan mo pa.

Veejay Serios – along with Martin Reyes and Woody Co, you my man are one of the most productive players in UP. Too bad your unbridled effort goes together with a L. I hope you continue what you do for the years to come. Sana di pa totoo na last year mo na to sa UP. You’re a very vital piece for the Final Four bid.

Martin Reyes – I was blinded by the brilliance of Migs de Asis back in your rookie year, yet now in the long run, you have shown the consistency that everybody loves. Allan Caidic-esque shooting, a fellow lefty jumpshooter like me (ehem) with the length to match. Like what I said earlier, use more screens, cut hard and be aggressive. I’d love to see you going strong to the basket.

Mark Lopez – was I hallucinating? The first time I saw you I thought Jason Castro transferred from PCU to UP. But then it wasn’t the case. You’re built and strong man. The only thing I wished you could have is better ballhandling skills. For me Mark Lopez bringing the ball up court is like a turnover waiting to happen. Don’t let the defenses abuse you man. And don’t overdribble.

For the rest of the UP players whose names I have not mentioned, try to play honest defense and contest shots and deny passes. And make the most of your time on the court.

A special mention to Coach Joe Lipa:

I really don’t know what you are up to, but I hate your player rotation. You see, for me it isn’t good to take out a player who is shooting well on the floor and putting him on the bench to cool off. Really, that’s not good.

On the brighter side, I wonder what would happen if the real you showed up. You know, the former you. The spunky, hot-headed, animated and passionate coach you once were. Obviously, I think you’re not really playing to win right now. You’re not coaxing players to play at their best. This isn’t practice Coach Joe, and if you want us to win, we’re going to need every bit of help we could get. I wonder if you’d still be around next season when the UP Centennial hits. Maybe you have a grand plan for that, but too bad, you were giving up all hope for this season.

You’re the only coach who has gifted us of a UAAP basketball title, and I believe you could do that again next year. But I would have liked you to use this season as a preparation for next year, not as an opportunity for us to be laughed at and bullied around by others.

Thus my rant is now complete. Wooh, haba rin nun a.
Good luck to us all.
U-niber-Sidad ng Pilipinas!
Go! UP FIGHT!

paint the streets with blood red

"GO AHEAD, TELL THE WHOLE STORY MY DEAR."








yun lang. just needed to get it out.
*nnnggggyyyyaaaawwwwwwrrrrrr* >:P

:))

Oh, It is love - Hellogoodbye

Oh, It is love
From the first time I set my eyes upon yours
Thinkin' oh, is it love?

Oh dear
Its been hardly a moment and you are already missed
There is still a bit of your skin that I've yet to have kissed
Oh say "please do not go" but you know oh, you know that I must
Oh say "I love you so" but you know oh, you know you can trust

We'll be holding hands once again
All our broken plans that will mend
I will hold you tight so you know
It is love from the first time I pressed my hand into yours thinkin' oh, is it love?

Oh dear
Its been hardly 3 days yet I long to feel your embrace
There are several days untill I can see your sweet face
Oh say, wouldn't you like to be older and married with me?
Oh say, wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be?
Some day, holding hands in the end
All our broken plans will abend
And I will kiss you soft so you know

It is love
From the first time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinkin' oh, is it love?
Ohhhh

Your heart may long for a love that is more near
So, when I'm gone these words will be here to ease every fear
and dry up every tear
and make it very clear
I kiss you and I know

It is love from the first time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinkin' oh, is it love?
Oh, it is love from the first time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinkin' oh, is it love?

Oh I kiss you and I know it is love
From the first time I pressed my lips against yours
Thinkin' oh is it love?




_haha. nakyutan sa kanta o. :D

BIOHAZARD!

tis the first week of September and boy, there's a lot going on in my student life.

nakakawindang!!! woohooo!!!

toxic! toxic! toxic!!

for the first time in my whole college life, i am able to use the University jargon when there are many things to do.

at ngayon pa ako naramihan sa gagawin. oh well.

good luck!