N.N.N.N.....!

sex videos are the rage of news networks right now. by networks, i mean ABS-CBN and GMA. by news, i mean the shit they broadcast between 6 to 8 PM every weekday.

for a show aptly named 24 Oras, all they actually did today was stand by the Senate halls listening to the Senate's hearing on the maligned doctor's sex videos. TV Patrol was committing the same sin as well. about 70% of air time was devoted to Hayden Kho and his family. somebody needs to see the tv ratings they have produced right now and give them a reality show. something like, Keeeping Up with the Kho, or any other shitty title.

as it stands right now, Hayden Kho has flipped the switch from upstart, cosmopolitan, hunkish doctor into a deranged, drug abusing, psychologically impaired shell of a man in a span of one week. to me, this psychologically impaired part was manufactured by his lawyers.

maybe, the psychologically impaired part of Hayden was that he failed to get his hands on a HIGH-DEFINITION camera instead of a low-res one that shoots in MP4 and 3GP format! really now, this makes the video size really small, and makes it really, really tempting to be uploaded.

anyway, what i hate about this whole scenario is the fact that the storyline has changed directions too many times. it started with Katrina Halili going to the Senate to ask for help because her rights were violated due to the uploading of the explicit videos. that was then, today, everyone is training their eyes on Hayden Kho's apparent durg addiction, coupled with the fact that he still hasn't mentioned the supplier of his drugs (whom he allegedly says is a VERY, VERY big name). so today, the whole thing has evolved into a new monster altogether. and the networks are really happy because the story lives to see another day, with all the implications still intact and bursting at the seams.

the ABS-CBN comedy show Banana Split, spoofs the late night entertainment gossip show by Kris and Boy, entitled S.N.N. or Showbiz News Ngayon. they retitled it, N.N.N.N., which stood for eNtertainment News, Na Naman. which is probably what every sane person is thinking right now when they watch the news.

things that i should be anxious about

so i finally enrolled myself (c/o Mom) to medical school. for the past few days my mind has been wandering around imagining things that are bound to happen once i start med school. but i wouldn't really bother entertaining such thoughts right now.

fortunately for me, i have around 1 1/2 weeks left in my vacation. that's before the real work starts. i'd want to enjoy this summer to the fullest, so that i can start fresh and amped up for school.

i'm really stoked about watching the new Eureka Seven movie. i really loved the anime series, and for them to come out with a movie after four years is great. never mind that some of the old animations would be used, i just loved everything the series had. the action, romance, the sounds of the series, everything was just gravy for me. so i really have to watch this one, because i know that it would not disappoint.

to somehow get over my Eureka Seven fix, i've watched dvds and downloaded pictures of Renton, Eureka and the gang. really, i love those guys.

so much is going to happen within the next months or so. a lot of it however, hangs on me. for the first time in my life, i study to help my parents. i can now feel the urgency of the situation. i do hope i can get a scholarship that would allow my sisters to get into top-notch schools in order for them to have the best education possible. my parents have done their part. now would be the best time to do mine.

after almost a month

i feel kinda weird right now. all of a sudden, after saturating my eyes from watching tv shows all day in front of the pc which literally busted my butt to having to play SF with the homeboys til 3am, words started to fall in line here inside my mind..

for the past week since we've been eliminated from our little summer league, i found myself trying to enjoy what's left with my summer. so far, it has been great although i wasn't really given the freedom to go out whenever i liked because i did not have any money (literally pockets and piggy banks EMPTY).

fortunately, people around me have been finding ways to enjoy the summer heat (and rains!) without stretching the wallet much. many times i found myself either in debt or piggy-backing my friends who had the patience to lend me money. i swore that i'm going to get their money back (i WILL pay them off, EVENTUALLY. haha.)

but so far, summer has been good. a lot of good times, high times and first times. a lot of songs blaring through the speakers as i ran through the first summer after i graduated, telling stories of fun and adventure, of heartache and heartbreak, of the good times and the bad.

did i get better this summer? kind of. basketball wise, yeah there has been a little improvement. we finally got ourselves a team we can call our own. we call the shots, we play off each other's strengths, we make plays and we practice hard. i love it. hopefully next summer we can put ourselves back in a position where we can win, and we will do our best to achieve our goals.

as a person? again, somehow i've noticed an improvement. i did a lot of introspection when i was crawling past my last semester for my bachelor's degree, trying to analyze the positives that came with the negative experiences such as failed expectations, failed projects, exams, etc. but generally, it centralizes itself upon failure, and how i should handle it. this summer taught me a lot. although we lost, but we had fun. yeah it sucked, having to be at the tail-end of jokes from the people but that pretty much was it. no one really degraded us or anything, and we even got respect from others. overall, i learned that you should take failure with a smile, that i should give everything on the things or activities i involve myself on. i should work hard, but most of all, i should enjoy..

when i was finishing my degree, i didn't really enjoy some of the subjects i took, and not coincidentally i had subpar grades coming from these boring subjects. this reinforces my theory that whenever i enjoyed a subject, i usually got high grades from it..

now, the challenge from me is how to find fun and life within things or activities that strike me as boring. that would be... well, fun. i guess. haha.

this particular summer has been a ball. aside from the lack of money, i don't find anything to gripe about with this year's season of the sun. i hope you are enjoying your summer so far. make sure you get the most out of what is left of it.

something to think about as i put the finishes to this entry:
when you fail, do not forget what the experience taught you. sometimes the beauty is in the attempt, in the "try" section, in the journey. no one found beauty in giving up.

rainy summer nights

nobody really goes to my blog nowadays. or maybe they do, i just don't know about it. haha! i really am too lazy to put a hit counter on my site, since from experiences in the past have taught me that counters have expiration dates. (eeks!)

anyway, twitter, basketball and just hanging out with friends occupy my summer right now, if it is indeed a summer since for the past few days torrential rains ran down our roofs. what's good about it is that we have extra time to rest our nagging injuries (my sprained foot is still a bit swollen). the bad news about it is that, i feel so antsy waiting for our next game. we lost our 2nd game in the summer league due to our carelessness. and the fact that we didn't make any adjustments as urgently as they were needed.

but i still hold our team with high regard. we just have to instill more discipline and lay down a more stable system. so far we're caught up between going with our natural plays and trying to execute structured offenses, so sometimes we seem really lost in our play.

i don't really feel like graduating this summer. as far as i know, i'm in vacation mode. haha! but i'm trying to help my girlfriend find a job so that she doesn't go to the provinces. good luck on that.

so far, summer rocks. haha! nothing much to worry about. i have the time for my friends and family. i just wish i had more time with my girl so that summer would be complete. :x

to all who will be graduating this summer, congratulations! you probably deserve it! :)

thoughts

it's been a busy week for me and my girlfriend. clearance, fees and other activities typically signify one event which signifies the end of our undergraduate years: graduation.

but this isn't really about any sadness or happiness that graduation invokes within me. but rather, i'd like to take this opportunity to think about things a little bit.

if there is anything i learned about myself in my senior year of college education, its that i think too much..

ever since i became "responsible", i found myself fussing over things a little bit more than usual. giving them a tad more attention than needed. in the end, i tend to overthink and frustrate myself with so many ifs and buts.

not that i want to save everything until it blows up in my face, but as one old friend has said to me a long time ago, i tend to go back and play with the what if scenarios. that may be the worst trait i have attained this year.

of the many things that have happened to me, its failure that most compels me to think. of what happened, and what SHOULD have happened. then somehow i try to plan towards the best solution to the problem. then it fails. then i plan again.

it has become a very cyclical and deadly process for me. it puts unnecessary pressure on myself, and then expectations which are not realized also contribute to the damage caused by failure.

i'm afraid of failure. i really am.

never did i condition myself to fail, or put myself in a situation that losing was the only way out. people say that in order to succeed, one must accept failure.

i think i haven't really grasped that part.. yet. but i continue to work. the problem is, by working hard, things don't turn out the way i wanted them to be.

maybe that's just the start. i don't really plan on ditching the whole hard work and determination that i have demanded from myself this last year of my bachelor's degree. i've fallen down many times this year, but somehow i managed to put myself together again. maybe that's the key, that unwavering persistence and that stubborn belief that i can do it.

in a way i have cobbled together a post that deals with my ideas on my fear of defeat and shortcomings, though this really isn't all that's in my head right now..

i want to thank all those people who stood by me during the dark times: my mom, my girlfriend, my friends, the game of basketball which has remained as my relief from the stress of the real world, and that hope inside of me that never disappears.

i hope i get everything right someday. when i get to sort out and throw out all of these junk thoughts that litter my mind.

maybe my friend was right, what if never equates to WHAT IS. i should start appreciating what is, rather than what isn't.

grrrr

the last time i posted an entry here, it was kinda rushed.
this post would also be one of those rushed posts, and motivated by a great anger towards people who have no consideration.

i have no beef against any professors, but i don't think that being an impediment to the life goals of a great student-leader is not really something that should be handed down to.

sayang naman, hindi makakasama ang chairman sa paglalakad namin. tsk. nakakainis.

updates

lot of sh*t to finish. still hoping that i get exempted. want to graduate. hahaha!
eyes hurt. something stuck in my eye. my goodness.
(post that looks like a twitter feed. love twitter. haha.)

basketbol muna!

my man, D-Wade, has flipped the league upside-down with acts of stupendous will to win and undeniable ability to put the ball in the hoop.

i've been playing a LOT this weekend, which means that the time allotted for reading materials is cut down! haha! my teammates have been coming together right now, a little more practice and we would be back where we were a few years ago. we're gonna make a killing in the summer leagues. i can guarantee it. :D

3 things we need to do every game:
1. defend
2. execute
3. focus

the only way we can lose is by going up against really strong teams. you know, overmatched. haha! but i'm really excited about the coming league. wish us luck! ^_^

whew!

finally! i am done with my thesis. but i still have a long way to go. so much to read! papers to do and exams to pass with flying colors! my goodness! i hope i can do it. i still have a summer basketball league to worry about. whew! :D

post number 160

sadya kong ikinalulungkot na napakatanga ng aming butihing mayor. nasayang lamang ang aking boto sa kanya, sa buong akala ko na may maibibigay siyang bagong paglilingkod sa aking minamahal na Imus.

kaya simula noon ay hindi na ako magiging hunghang sa pagboto. dapat kilalanin ng mabuti ang lahat ng mga kandidato. humanda sya sa akin sa 2010.

(inspired by a phone conversation i heard.)

on being normal

i feel relieved typing this post right now. for one, this would be another addition to those prophetic posts (or motivational posts, whatever i may call them depending on whoever asks me) that litter my blog whenever i wanted to do something or wanted to change something about myself.

for the longest time, it has been my greatest joy to please other people, or offer them help, or just be there for the sake of having someone who always can lend a helping hand or a listening ear. while being engaged in such a noble cause, events have happened which have set off things (and thoughts) in motion.

for the last few days, i took a long, hard look at myself.

part of me loathes being in this situation. not being stable, desperately fighting to keep a dream alive (sometimes even having thoughts of abandoning the dream altogether), punishing myself because things did not work out and worse, not having the balls to admit that i was wrong in some aspects and therefore being stuck in this confusing situation.

don't get me wrong, i love my undergraduate course, but the hard part is selling it as a preparatory course for medicine. that, and i'm not really good at selling (and interviews).

but the bigger part of me sees something else. if i had indeed pursued my dream selfishly, then i would not have met the wonderful people i've encountered in college (and my most wonderful girlfriend), and then my dream would not have a concrete purpose (from being a misconstrued version of what a male nurse was to being able to serve people who have not had any medical attention).

my interviewer was right. i did not cover my tracks. i misled myself into attaining something that i could not attain. my mind is still in conflict right now. had i been too little, too late? or was getting there really not really meant for me?

for days i thought i was going crazy. so many ideas coming in and out of my head. trying hard to balance regret and rationality as i tried to get out the mental traps i have set for myself. too much thinking indeed, and i would really not be able to get out of this if i did not stop myself from bullishly going forward without taking anything out of this.

yes, i know odds are stacked against me. i'll have to fight through a lot of these forthcoming years of my life. but still, i know i can do it. not in a omniscient kind of way, no swagger this time.

by going through this, i now know that i need to be humble enough to accept my mistakes and shortcomings in order to move on with my life. i have become tired of being normal. i feel that my skills have deteriorated somehow. i feel like i have underperformed. i feel the aura of mediocrity surrounding me. all of this has to change now.

now is the time to kick some major ass. time to prove the doubters wrong. i do have a lot of potential within me but now, more than ever, is the time to realize it. unleash the tiger kumbaga.

no more timidity and reluctance. no more nice guys here. i'm going into the real life and i am going to give some ass whoopin to those who get in my way.

the killer instinct should be there.
leave no stone unturned.
try to get better everyday.
lick the blood of those whom have fallen in your hands.
excellence should be seen in every work.
be humbled, and learn from defeat.
be jubilant and thankful in victory.

and of course, have fun. and take everybody else up with you. no sense in being Superman if you can't lift a 100 people, right? ;)

in the end, life really ain't that bad

somewhere in the back of my mind, i am breathing a sigh of relief. or as Spongebob Squarepants calls it, those allegorical personifications used to illustrate the concept of thought (yep, those mini-mes running around my head) are breathing the collective sigh.

i didn't really lose everything after i thought i lost it. my mom always told me to be prepared, and yes it looks like i would be treading the path not followed by everyone. you know, when you thought everything is already figured out, the monkeys come out and mess it up. but again it should be taken as a chance, to prove to yourself and to everyone around you that it can be done.

and that's the best thing to do: show everyone you made it.

i loved what happened to me this past week. i've been very productive, proactive and happy. i am now engaging myself in projects which are of a lot of value to me, and i would make it a point to see them get done on time. i hope everything works out. i'd love to go out of UP with a bang, while saying to myself that i did something great and of value.

i love UP. i loved the institution that has molded me into who i am right now, and of which has taught me the values of service, sacrifice and excellence all for the greater good. i met a lot of people who have had a profound influence on me, and still met a lot of people who act like jerks and asses.

but still, UP has been good to me. and life too, as of late, has been good. i hope i can ride this wave all the way through graduation and into med school (UE or LaSalle? red or green? hahaha!).

till then, enjoy life! :D

its back

i feel kind of funny writing this. but somehow its the relief that's getting into me now which makes my day.

a week ago i bottomed out. i didn't know what to do after that.

then things looked up. somehow i've had a glimmer of hope.
let's make sure this one works. ok?

you'll never catch me dead with this one

I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
- "What a Catch, Donnie" - Fallout Boy

Jubilant in victory, gracious in defeat was what some old men say..
yet in my whole life i never really liked swallowing losing. nor showed any grace after that.

so in the end, yeah, f*ck losing.

me. or so i think.

i'm really confused. ever since i've taken those psychology and career aptitude tests i would always score high ratings in creativity, most probably described as spontaneous and extroverted, and have a successful career in the arts.

heck, when i took this online test about which medical specialization i was most fitted to take, cosmetic surgery came in a landslide! unbelievable. those career psych tests i took were the most disagreeable pundits, since they suggested that i had a skill set completely opposite of a doctor's.

i really don't know. maybe that was life's way of telling me that i could not be a doctor. i'm in a non pre-medical course (although in a lot of ways, it solidified my reasons of pursuing medicine), and my NMAT results aren't in yet (the waiting is killing me!) thus another day passes with me imagining myself losing it because i did not make the cut, or breathing a sigh of relief because everything went my way. either which situation happens, it's getting in my head pretty hard right now. anything that happens is tough to swallow, but i guess i'd just have to live through it. di ko trip magpakamatay para lang takasan lahat to eh.

i'd have to admit, a lot of things i know about myself come from what people tell me. its some kind of a third person way, like a looking glass self. or some theory to that effect (i'm sorry madam inton but i forgot my comm3 already).

i don't actually like seeing myself in the mirror. or perhaps i lack the ability of knowing what i can do, because in my senior year i've actually managed to surprise myself quite a number of times because i was able to do things i did not know i was capable of doing.

ignorante lang ba talaga ako?

it's kinda crazy, but i never wanted to be someone who only consistently underachieves. someone to be written off as an individual with talent that didn't make it.. i want to make it. i know i can.

so its make or break time for me. a lot of things hang on that goddamn NMAT result. basically my whole life that is. haha! good luck to that.

PC ko. haha.

this is my PC. it has been with me for less than a month (assembly date: December 27, 2008). it was a late Xmas gift from my two doting parents. sure all my Xmas money went into this one, and with that financial capital i was assured that the specs i wanted were the ones they were going to get..

and yes, my PC breathes fire. wahahaha!! that's just how fast it is. but i'm not yet done. i'm still saving up for the new DVD-writer and another 2gb RAM stick to complete my new computer.
the best thing about this one is that its totally mine! no more nagging from the others about using the PC. nobody's going to be taking a bite unto this chunk of technological goodness other than me. :))

the picture on the left is my new lcd monitor. 17 inches lang. hahaha! i wanted the 22 or even the 19, but it was too expensive that time. widescreen naman na eh. hehehe! and i'm having a hell of a time watching HD movies and playing HD games. my goodness! hahaha!

i've been waiting for a while to write this blog about my pc. sa wakas napost din! :D

potato madness among other things

this week has been potato week with me and my girlfriend. we've pigged out with lots and lots of potatoes of the mashed and fried variety. now i'm craving for mcdonalds hash browns!

when my girlfriend gets rid of her cough, next week would be the start of ice cream week. oh my. hahaha!

i'm starting to wear my retainers again. and i had so many things to write on this day, but i forgot almost all of them! haha!

but i did not forget this "activity" that came into my mind earlier in the day when i was brushing my teeth.

i plan to buy an autograph book (yes, the one with "what is love" and "who is your crush") and deviously seek out every girl that i had a crush on or the ones (wow may s!) who liked me. tapos pasusulatin ko sila! ayos! :))

yun na. tapos na to. :D

blog muna

Wednesday na pala. 2 weeks na simula ng magpalit ang taon. blog ulit ng walang kwenta para masabi kong may ginagawa ako rito sa pc.

pinagbawalan ko kasi ang sarili ko na maglaro pag weekdays. sa sabado at linggo na ulit. hehehe.. pag weekdays at pasukan, kailangan gumawa ng thesis at case study. mahirap na ang magahol sa oras.

pero sa ngayon, mag-aaral muna ako para sa exam. sarap talaga magtype rito sa bagong keyboard ko. nag-eenjoy akong maige sa bagong pc. hehehe! sakto talagang may bago na akong kaakibat sa paggawa at pagtapos (dapat lang) ng aking mga gawaing pampamantasan.

nakapag-gupit na ako ng kuko. sa wakas, dahil medyo 1 week na akong di nakakapaggupit ng kuko. bilis nila kasing humaba eh. hehehe..

anlamig. dulot ito ng climate change. siguro mas malala sa ibang bansa ngayon. dito sa amin nahihirapan ang mga tao sa lamig. pero welcome naman ito kahit papano, kaso mahirap din dahil di nila alam na may sakit ang planeta natin. tayo-tayo rin naman ang mahihirapan pagdating ng araw. DAPAT ay may gawin na tayo para pigilan to.

bad trip yung site ng DepEd. walang kwenta, mag eemail na dapat ako biglang down yung directory nila. hmpf.

in lighter news, naglaro ako ng bbol kanina. kahit talo kami ok lang, maganda naman ang naging laro ko. masarap sa pakiramdam. tagal ko ring di nakalaro e. :)

so yun muna. bukas ulit!

hmmmm

napansin kong paiba-iba pala ako ng font sa mga blog post.

para maging mas maayos at consistent, TREBUCHET na lang lagi ang gagamitin kong font style. para di na magulo. di masyadong maliit. tamang-tama lang yung size para mabasa. :)

(napapost ulit kasi nasarapan magtype. hahaha!)

new entry!

2009 na pala. di pa rin ako nag-update simula nung huling post ko.
palibasa masaya kasi yung huling post ko. ngayon masaya pa rin ako.

nabilhan ko na ng keyboard yung bagong pc ko. at PC ko na talaga sya. may sari-sarili nang mga computer at laptop ang mga tao rito sa bahay. at kakatapos ko lang magnetwork ng mga computer dito kaya wala na sanang aabala sa akin kung magpapaprint. hehehe!

ayun, at nasimulan ko na rin mag data gathering para sa thesis ko. talagang pinili ko lang yung barangay namin kasi ayoko nang lumayo.

sarap pala magtype rito sa bagong keyboard na binili ko. hehehe! medyo mas maliit nga lang sya kesa run sa luma pero ok lang. next na bibilhin ko ay dvd-writer naman. i already have a model in mind. kailangan na lang ng pambili. hehehe!

malapit na yung NMAT result ilabas! hay! sana makuha ko yung pinakaasam-asam kong score. :)

so there, ok naman ang buhay. dvd-writer na lang at RAM masaya na ako sa pc. tapos ok pa naman yung mga resulta ng mga exam ko. matataas naman. hehehe! salamat po sa maganda at mabiyayang buhay Lord! sana maging matagumpay din ang 2009 ko. :D

post number 150 na pala to! ibig sabihin ba nito ang konti ko lang magpost? hehehe..