Stubbornly Arrogant

Jerk Days

2010-02-22T14:45:00.001+08:00

i was supposed to have a fun and exciting weekend. APMC-Palarong Med was the UAAP of medical schools, and i was stoked to be participating in it. this marks the first time that i represented my school in athletic events. it was really fun, and i guess i had too much of it because i forgot to text my girlfriend the whole day of Sunday. that was really a jerk move in my part. that ruined her day and well, my day as well.

i am still angry at myself for it. i really have this sickness of forgetting things when a lot happens too fast. i should change this habit of mine. i've been piling up a lot of these "jerk days" in my girlfriend's mind. maybe i'm too involved at what i do. i should balance all of this. because of this i am having bad days again. my girlfriend doesn't want to talk to me at all and it's pretty much been a hard time for me. too bad i spoiled a lot of good stories to tell her. i should really get it together next time. i should know how to slow down.

Valentines

2010-02-14T14:46:00.000+08:00

i still don't know how to correctly spell Valentines. Some of them have the apostrophe, thus written as Valentine's, in memoriam to a certain priest who believed in love and was then canonized as a saint.

i'm feeling good today. but my body hurts. my day got the early start at around 5:30am. went jogging with the folks. they have started to jog around every Sunday and this was the first time i cam with them. glad to see them leading healthier lives thru exercise. though dad still won't quit smoking, and i don't really blame him.

running around the public cemetery was fun. the clouds were there to delay the onset of sunshine, and the morning winds were cool and crisp. after running we decided to play badminton at the local court. my sisters tagged along and it became a family event. suddenly we did a lot of stuff together today, and it was totally fun. couple that with the fact that me and my girlfriend went out on saturday and that gives me a really, really good weekend.

actually, i have a lot to be thankful for this week. i'm almost there, trying to finish 1st year medicine on a high note, and the final push that i have been waiting to mount on my grades. we just finished a set of exams this week, and not only did i pass all of them, but got rather high grades.

it's victories like these that do my soul so much good. it inspires me and allows me to realize that much of my hard work does not go to waste. and it also makes me like our subjects more. just keep pushing. my girlfriend always said to me that "motivation gets you started, but discipline is what gets you there". she always says the best things.

i hope to finish this year on a high note. i also wish that everyone enjoys their lives right now, and enjoy the days. man, i am so euphoric right now.

so lighten up, be happy and keep pushing. Happy Valentines Day.
oh, almost forgot, this makes post no. 200 for me. goodie!

This and That

2010-02-02T17:28:00.000+08:00

i haven't blogged in a while, for reasons which include:
a) too much NBA 2K10
b) school activities and school stuff
c) the absence of my mood to write something

there are days when i was too lazy to do anything online. i wouldn't post anything on twitter and tumblr, no new pictures at multiply and no one to chat away with.

everybody else looks like they're too busy to be disturbed. while i do away the time with watching tv series, studying and doing extracurriculars. i should be guilty of cyberslacking. i am also guilty of having too many commitments which have put various strains on my relationship with my girlfriend. there are days when i wished that medical school would stop being so demanding already. or maybe it should be me who would try and give up some of the things i enjoyed doing at school. i don't really know for sure. maybe i should just aspire for more understanding in our relationship. we both know this is one tough test, and i wish that we would be resilient enough to withstand the trials and injustices (damn schedule of mine) the path i have chosen has given me.

i stand by the maxim "if you don't have the time, make the time" but my belief towards it is being put into the test. i should take concrete steps to improve the conditions for the two of us. i know that i could cut the fat out. maybe that's what i should do.

so that's how i have been since last night. or in some nights for the past few weeks. nothing drastic happening though. i just know and believe that we (Mae and I) will be able to pull through four years of this together. if i need to invoke Divine Intervention then i am fully prepared to do so.

moving on, i just received an email from Haloscan saying that they would discontinue the free commenting service and allow us existing users to import our accounts unto a new service which needs to have annual payments. i say fuck them all with their corporate money-making asses. there are many ways to generate revenue aside from directly putting prices on you products.

updates from the school side of things: 2 months to go and i will be wrapping up First Year medical school. i hope i would be able to do enough in the stretch run and get exemptions for physiology and community medicine. anatomy is still up there, but it is a long shot. i should pass psychiatry and biochemistry via a final exam. then i could pay attention to the summer leagues.

18 days from now the APMC-NCR sportsfest will be held in Pasig, and fortunately i qualified to get into the team. i hope we have fun playing the other schools from Manila. i wish we could win the whole thing. our team is stacked and i think it would come down to who wants it more.

the NBA All Star weekend is happening next week. so far my teams (Boston, Miami, OKC) are doing good. but i hope the Heat get some help in the off-season. they should resign Wade first before anything happens. i haven't been able to watch any live games, but it looks like Charlotte and Memphis will delight me if i get the chance to watch them on TV. i'm a sucker for great defenses, and the Bobcats under Larry Brown play one of the best perimeter D's in the league.

that's all for today. stay safe everyone!

Something about working hard

2010-01-19T18:01:00.000+08:00

when i first dove into medical school, i knew i had to work hard. harder than i've ever worked in my almost 15 years of schooling prior to this. the sheer volume of information being thrown at you is immensely daunting and tiring at the same time. a lot of adjustments had to be made: new school, new environment, new traditions, events, academic cultures, new challenges and new people to commune with. days in medical school were really long and dragging, with 4 hour lectures being the norm and extensions being considered normal procedure.

on top of that, mounting responsibilities at home and being away from my girlfriend. really nasty stuff. especially when you don't see each other for weeks primarily because I had four exams in the coming week.

this was the shit i had to put up with for the first few months. i was already ticked off that i couldn't get the lessons as quickly as others did. my big ego wasn't ready for much disappointment. there were times that academic failure and other problems mixed into a very deadly cocktail which was enough to break me down. somehow i needed to acknowledge my vulnerabilities. i needed to get my act together because medical school was not going to give me anything for free.

i needed to put it the work. i also needed a system that would provide me with the blueprint and motivation that i desperately wanted for me to make it through.

i started by opening my eyes a little bit. chopping up stuff, not really biting off too much, savoring the small victories like passing quizzes. from the start i knew i was in a disadvantage but i did not imagine the discrepancy to be really big. fortunately for me, that huge gap is constantly being closed upon by me every single day.

i put in the work, and trusted myself that i could make it though. whatever the ramifications of my work i would gratefully accept. success was hard to come by, but as the New Year turned, i somehow got it.

i got it. somewhat. passing medical school truly is hardwork and dedication. and it is almost always never enough. i needed to become a sponge. soak it in. learn as much as i could. things would turn out well. i trust that they do.

i just need to work on it.

i've got a bad feeling

2010-01-14T22:06:00.000+08:00

at last! the aforementioned four exams are finished. as of airtime i only know that i have passed 1 exam.

this week has been a mixed bag for me. because of too much time being taken up by studying (i have not been able to make any advance readings in the neurosciences), it has taken a toll on all other things in my life.

an indicator i often use is the current relationship i am in. i really need to put time in it, considering the fact that me and my girlfriend are not really living in the same vicinity (21kms is a long way, mind you).

and every chance i get, i would have to take it. any missed chances may result into something more catastrophic. no matter how tired i may be after this week, i really need to see her this weekend. if i need to bring my study books then i will. the fact is i really need to see her.

i hope she understands where i am right now. i also hope she will understand the major mind fuck that the glorious schedule makers have made for me. (god damn it final exams why do you have to be deep into the summer?) we really, really need to talk. we miss each other too much.

ika nga eh, kulang lang yan sa lambing.

just to get the sluggishness out of my system

2010-01-10T11:10:00.000+08:00

exam week starts tomorrow. 4 days of exams. somehow i still feel that i am lacking reading materials for my exam. i still wish i can do great starting tomorrow. i am quietly trying to prove to myself that i can get things done and that there would always be time for everything.

so that would be all for now.

i should post something here!

2010-01-07T16:43:00.000+08:00

unfortunately, because the guest lecturer for physiology got sick, our classes were cancelled and we had the rest of the day off.

what did i do? i downloaded games for the itouch. and copied pictures for the anatomy practical exams next week. will do studying later after i find something to eat.

got measured for the basketball team unis before going home. i wasn't really interacting with the higher batches and was a little quiet because i was the only freshman on the team. haha! hopefully the jerseys turn out great. i have a lot of expenditures to keep track of in order for me to save money. good thing i cut back on travel fare going to school because i can hitch a ride with dad.

anyway, i would be implementing my "study in the morning" regimen tomorrow. actually i have been doing it for the past 2 days and it has netted good effects towards my learning.

almost a whole week of exams ahead next week. and team practice also starts next week. a lot of activities!! but i know i can do it. besides, i once read from a book that "the busiest people always find the time to do things" and i think that this maxim should be applied. if you don't have the time, make the time.

21 months

2010-01-05T20:33:00.000+08:00

TONIGHT!
- study biochemistry and other subjects
- upload files
- check the interwebs for something
- update the itouch (supposed slang term for the ipod touch)
- study powerpoints
- text marathons with my girl! hooooooo! (we are 21 months legally acknowledged today and around ??? months together. hahaha! :P )

Inspiring words from the Great Forrest Griffin

2010-01-03T17:32:00.000+08:00

"Being honest with yourself is the best way to live life because it keeps you from having massive falls. After all, if you think you are unbeatable, and then get your ass served to you on a platter, your whole world comes crumbling down. That's when excuses start to flow, but who's buying them?

No one.

Not yourself,, not others. If you can admit to yourself that you simply got beat by a better fighter, it dissolves the lies and allows you to be a happier person.

Although it is depressing to admit to yourself that you will never be the best, it is liberating at the same time. Instead of trying to be better than everyone else, which is existentially arrogant, you can focus on being the besr that you can be. Even if you can never defeat the Anderson Silvas and BJ Penns of the world, you can take pride in the fact that you did the most you possibly could with what you are given. You can take pride in every accomplishment. What more can you ask for?"

- Got Fight? The 50 Zen Principles of Hand-to-Face Combat

inspirational shit for all of us.

before i go to school tomorrow

2010-01-03T15:09:00.000+08:00

again! school beckons from yonder! from this moment on i would devote time for study and catchup reading. the 2 weeks given to us were spent on many events (christmas, new year, anniversaries) and hopefully i would be able to balance them along with school work.

for now, lemme get in my proposed resolutions for the coming year:
1. trim myself down - eat sparingly, exercise more and watch what i am eating
2. pay off outstanding credit - enough said
3. save money!! - god damn!
4. devote more time to studying - no more excuses!

that will be all. thanks a lot if you are reading this. comment away! :)

22 and 14 years

2010-01-03T15:02:00.000+08:00

my folks have been married for 22 years today.

and my youngest sister TJ turns 14 today. she stands 5'8". :D

I was going to type a post today

2010-01-03T00:02:00.000+08:00

but i guess i'm gonna do it after i wake up tomorrow.

that was one good day with her :)

2010!!!

2010-01-01T14:48:00.000+08:00

it is a New Year everyone! welcome to the new decade, the decade of the teens.

after a little bit of surfing, i noticed that a lot of people recounted what happened to them last year. some of them would name them highlights of their year, others remember them for the memories and still others will remember 2009 for the lives lost/tragedies that have befallen them.

life gives us no other choice really, but to move forward and face the new year with hope and the certainty that something big would happen as the year runs its course. so here I am to tell everyone to DO SOMETHING this 2010.

- get a job!

- get good grades!

- follow your dreams! (inspirational shit yo!)

- make that hobby of yours into something really productive (forge money perhaps!)

- trim that holiday fat!

- find that person you've always wanted! (wow cheesy!)

just do something that would enrich your life or the lives of others! don't lounge around and sit there. go out and get things done! Peace!

yes dad, those sparklers are the safest to use

Two Days!!!

2009-12-31T12:50:00.000+08:00

Tagaytay was freezing! haha! everytime the wind blew chills run down my whole body..

but now i am back home! arranging new apps and updating/getting DLC (downloadable content) from others. the new problem now would be the battery life of the Ipod! :P

since yesterday afternoon my sisters have been hooked to the games i got in my ipod, so i am doing them a favor right now and getting them some more addictive games to play. :D

tis the coming of the New Year! enter the decade of the teens! 2010 here we come!!

and for 2010, i would try a new blogging style: calling it burst-fire posting! short posts and pictures only! :D

Have a Safe New Year everyone! Peace!

Ipod apps are crazy!

2009-12-29T17:13:00.000+08:00

before anything else, i am writing this because my family and myself will be out for two days frolicking in tagaytay. because of this i am not certain if i can blog while out there or not.

so here i am, less than 24 hours removed from concluding the crazy shit of adventure i was pulled into while looking for the gadget i would be treating myself to.

now, just to leave my thoughts on the said subject, i am just confused to why items are at their least of number AFTER Christmas day. usually in my mind i assumed that malls stock up before and after the holidays. before when people are rushing out to buy gifts and after because kids like me already have their money to buy shit.

in my case, i just wanted a lousy 32GB Ipod Touch. SM Bacoor didn't have it, so wasn't able to buy last Saturday. Robinson's Manila didn't have either, and it was a Monday (yesterday), the first day of the week, where in my mind AGAIN i ASSUMED stocks will be replenished, but alas, no Ipod Touch anywhere was within reach. in my mind again i silently cursed the individual who hoarded the units, if there as such a case. (haha)

Mall of Asia ALMOST didn't have it, but by the grace of God somebody forgot to look inside 5th Avenue (though i would not initially recommend buying from them, their service was pretty neat) where i got my hands on my dream gadget.

somehow the battle has been won, but the war has just begun..

APPS! the reason why i bought this son of a bitch and didn't want a laptop. supposedly it can do ALMOST ANYTHING with the right app at hand, so here i am now wasting my day learning the jargon (jailbreaking and shit) while looking for the apps i wanted.

i also needed to rearrange my music and videos which would suit my taste.

after much wrangling and struggling with the internet and its plethora of forums about ipods, i finally have the apps i wanted, which includes:
- a document reader which can read ppt and pdf files
- a flashlight
- apps for my subjects in med school (biochem and neuroscience!)
- 2player games!! (for me, my family and my girl)

i also came to the conclusion that Apple products do eat the shit out of our brains. but they still are pretty fucking handy.

so here it is in its current form right now. it's been a pain in the head, but it's all worth it.

hope you all have a safe New Year ahead!! see you in a few days! :)

Facebook?

2009-12-28T11:49:00.001+08:00

relying on my vast guesstimation skills, i can safely say that around 3 out of 5 Filipinos have a Facebook account. with the other 2 being either a complete luddite or somebody who still clings to his/her Friendster account (count me in!)

allow me to share my thoughts as a person smack in the middle of this Facebook thing stuck on the outside looking in:
- Facebook is a social-networking site, like Twitter, myspace, hi5, mobo and the many other sites which exist in the interwebs that aim to connect people and establish communication lines
- As my friends and classmates in med school tell me, the apps are what separates Facebook from other sites. they have the "addicting" games and apps which encourage participation of other "friends" which allow you to unlock additional features
- The biggest draw about Faecbook though is it allows my folks (i.e. Mom) to reconnect with other friends and "tag" each other in photos (meaning somebody may see your face and tag it so that you will be notified when your are included in the picture)
- as i have read in the news and from stories of friends, Facebook allows families and clans (CLANS!) to reunite via the interwebs. it reconnects pretty much everyone to long lost friends to whom we have lost numbers or emails

with all of these advantages, i still do not feel the need to get into Facebook for the following reasons:
1. i am old-school thus a friendster account is what fits me (and kudos to those who erase their friendster accounts in favor of facebook because they decrease the massive clutter of unused accounts but at the same time damn you for leaving the site that nourished your socializing needs)
2. i already have a multiply and a twitter account. these two cover my needs just fine (in terms of uploading pictures and stuff)
3. AND! i already have a site to patronize when it comes to flash games. go to this site if you want true gaming goodness.

Facebook has been a bad influence to my classmates in med school. a lot of them are absent in class lectures due to games such as Restaurant City and Pet Society.

so there.

"Fcuk Facebook in the face!" - Funny People (2009)

What do you want this Christmas?

2009-12-26T13:49:00.000+08:00

what's up everyone? how did your Christmas this year go? did it go well? did something happen unexpectedly that made the season merrier and jollier? did you receive what you fervently wished for this year?

i have had a wonderful experience this year, for the sole reason that it was our family's turn to host the huge annual reunion of my father's clan. since October we have already been planning for it and yesterday everything went fairly well. the sole point of Christmas for us is having to celebrate it and sharing it with everyone else. seeing the smiles of the children and the old folks while they were participating in the activities we have prepared was really fulfilling.

but what I did on Christmas is not what I wanted to talk about, but rather what i wanted to get this season.

you see, after my birthday (which falls around the middle of the year) Christmas is the other occasion where i allow myself to buy gadgets which i terribly want (or need, if rationalized. haha.)

last year, i got my PC. this year, it was a tussle between a netbook and a new Sony Ericsson phone.

ever since i saw the Kita (or Yari by international codename), the Sony Ericsson creation has occupied the top of my list for Xmas gadgetry. it was the high-end gaming phone, sporting a 5.0 mpixel camera, walkman 3.0 player and the hands-free motion sensor which allowed for gaming ala Wii. it was the direct upgrade from my old phone (the k770) and i really wanted to buy it once it hit philippine shores.

its tag price: P14,600 on Sony Branches (and it's bound to go down once other retailers get their hands on them too)

on the other side of the discussion, i also wanted a netbook. either a Lenovo S10-2 or the HP Mini 311 or 110. the thought of buying a netbook was a practical investment for me because of my schooling. med school demands so much printed paper that we actually changed inks 3 times during my first sem because i was too happy of printing powerpoints and pdf files. nowadays i have accustomed myself to reading ppts and pdfs on-screen (by adjusting the monitor brightness). so for the sake of not throwing away ink, i wanted to buy a netbook.

tag price: S10-2 - P22900; HP Mini 311 - P27300

so the debate raged in my mind for several weeks, practicality (netbook) versus luxury (phone). i termed it luxury because my phone still works and i should be in no hurry to replace it. haha!

but something happened that changed my mind on the whole Xmas gadget i was going to buy. i was introduced to the ipod touch.

it was during our HS batch reunion a week ago. some of my former classmates were rocking their ipod touch units and i dabbled around with them since i was the unofficial DJ that time. it was back then where i had an idea..

i have a lot of classmates in med school who use their ipod touch not only for sounds but for very helpful apps as well. that is where i got to experience the multi-functionality of Apple's brainchild. the apps, the sounds, the built-in speakers. everything about the ipod touch was real good. but then the idea struck me down..

i didn't really want a laptop.

nor could i use a new phone because a lot of slider phones (including the Kita) have a bad habit of breaking down (and besides, i really wanted a candybar, not a slider phone).

that is why the Ipod touch tops my list this year. the 32GB version (really huge space here!) is retailed for around 15k. very negotiable to my folks. and with all factors considered, getting an ipod solves problems in sounds, practicality (plus points for being integrated with my PC) and entertainment (apps galore!).

and so, the 2009 Xmas Gadget would be the Apple Ipod Touch 32GB. That is what i want for Christmas. :)

TV. Reunions. Rockband.

2009-12-21T19:43:00.000+08:00

i just got home this afternoon after spending the whole night with high school friends. it was a fun night of swimming, drinking and merry making. a lot of stories to tell, catching up to do and memories to rehash, plus endless picture taking. and laughing. and more laughing. oh, did i already say laughing?

since there were a lot of the people and there were a lot of drinks, a lot of them ended up drunk. as in shit drunk. or fucked drunk. there were some of them who can really hold their alcohol but majority of them (exclude me because i do not drink) were really out of their mind doing random funny stuff every man and woman from college has done.

in spending the night with these guys, i fondly remember the days of high school, of which life back then was simpler and a bit more black and white. by also combining this hindsight with the present time, i appreciated that although some people have changed (for the better, i guess) they essentially remained as the same boys and girls i have met four years ago. basically the main difference of then and now may be the prevalence of alcohol in their systems which is probably one of the greatest lessons college could ever give.

(i even drank a shot of (fake) vodka. it was water that was in the glass. i'm getting used to this fake drinking. haha. it gives the people around me a sense of peace since they think that they have persuaded me to drink. i bet my ass i won't.)

in the bus going home, my former hs classmate vincent and i talked about how the quality of TV has sunk to an all-time low, especially in the local front. Shows have lost their originality, and most of us are stuck with old movies being remade into series or fantasy series where special effects aren't so special or simple, crappy love stories ala Daisy Siete which i abhor to the death.

the glut of TV programming has forced writers into creating content which simply captures your attention and BARELY makes an effort to improve upon their product. this happens way too often in the local TV where afternoon dramas kill the shit for sheer stupidity and lack of emotion.

(still my favorite afternoon drama scene: involves the main kontrabida who, after having a dialogue with her mother pulls out a sniper rifle from under a living room table and points it to the main couple happily picnicking in the garden. though a sniper rifle is in many levels of awesome, using it in point blank is a thing monkeys are more prone to do and WHO THE FUCK HIDES A SNIPER RIFLE UNDERNEATH A LIVING ROOM TABLE? epic fail.)

for me, playing video games beats local tv on any day, (i would rather listen to AM radio. believe me, Ted Failon is one awesome bastard.) and on this day i was able to experience the sheer coolness of the game they call ROCKBAND.

peripheral-based music games are the rage right now, with the original Guitar Hero opening the flood gates to bigger and better games. Rockband allows 4 players which consists of 2 guitars, 1 mic and 1 drum set. it's like Dance Dance Revolution of the older days, where you need to follow the keys or indicators to score points on a certain song.

what makes the new-age peripheral games (guitar hero or rockband) really sweet is that when a note is missed, the song does not play correctly. that core of the game is what really takes the cake for me, giving me the illusion that i myself am the one manning the instrument of choice (which is the drums in my case) and playing the beats to the song. really fun shit. especially when you have the full 4 player team. i honestly think this rockband should be in every house party because it is the best instant multiplayer game out there right now.

so thus begins my love for Rockband. i hope to get a few more sessions of this during vacation. drumming is really good cardio. haha!

the first weekend of my vacation was a blast. had an awesome saturday and sunday! and rockband made my day today. :D

P.S.
playing That's What You Get by Paramore got me my best score for the day on Rockband. :D

Smiles and High Fives

2009-12-19T19:32:00.000+08:00

today was a fun day. today is also the 1st day of my vacation. 2 weeks. not really much, but enough for me to study, chill out, hang out with old classmates and buy stuff.

tonight i finish my christmas shopping. the gift is almost complete, but it still needs one final touch. i hope i could do that in the best of moods so that it would turn out to be one of the best things that i would have done. only the best for my girl. :)

in other news, i have revamped the blog's appearance as you can see. got tired of the xml skin i was using, though xml was fun because it was easy to customize, finding good skins are such a chore. which is why i reverted my template to the classic html. thus, the new look. will be putting up links when they are available. so for those visiting this page, don't forget to drop your links in the chat box. thanks in advance.

this afternoon was the first time i drove from the house to the mall. i'm really having fun driving. though the side thoughts of causing accidents aren't really allowing me to let go. someday i'm going to be a great driver. parang sa racing lang. hahaha!

ate 2 servings of puto bumbong today, which means dinner will be delayed tonight.

received a lot of things from my girl today. one of them was a Keroro Gunso pillow.

me and my girlfriend still laugh so hard when we see it. :D
so today is the first day of my vacation. and today ends with a great big smile in my face. :D

Tough luck

2009-12-15T21:39:00.000+08:00

i had one of those days today. days where i just had to be in really, really bad situations. flunked 2 exams i was supposed to pass.. felt really bad because of something. ate lunch alone. had too much alone time today.

i haven't posted anything new today because i was busy studying for the last set of exams for the year. too bad all the preparation went to nothing. so much for hoping of blogging about something really inspiring today. the thing is, i don't really need inspiration right now. i have it all thanks to my girlfriend. but after that, it all boils down to me. i'm supposed to be angry at myself right now because i failed. but i should know better not to be too hard on myself.

if there is one thing i learned from watching and reading about the Houston Rockets, it's always push, push, push and when you're tired from pushing, push a bit more. their team is a well-coached and tireless bunch. a team too wise for their collective youth. almost all of their players are easy to love (though i miss von wafer. wtf von, leaving Houston for Olympiakos? are you kidding?) and are smart, high IQ ballers.

of this hardy bunch, i particularly love Shane Battier. the no-stats all-star. the guy who is assigned the task of locking down the opposing team's leading scorer, a task i also love doing in basketball. he's smart, tough and has a big heart. he's someone i like to emulate for his utter dedication in both practice and in games. i got my "not too high, not too low" philosophy from him. life, just like a basketball game, doesn't always go the way we want to. because of this, we learn how to adapt ourselves when celebrating victories and accepting defeats. not everyday has to be your day, and from this fact alone we should accept the propensity of life to get out of whack for reasons we sometimes cannot control. after all, how would we be able to appreciate life's perfection if we do not know what its imperfections are? i would definitely love to apply Shane's philosophy of doing his routines without fail, without expecting the outcome. that way, maybe i could be more efficient and effective in doing the things that are occupying my day-to-day life.

i should start today. be more determined. be more prepared. they say preparing well is winning half the battle. like Shane and the Rockets, unimaginable adversities are bound to come time and time again, but like them, i should not let defeats deter me in pursuing my goals. i should chase, push, scrap and claw my way through to get a hold of my dreams.

maybe one of these days i'm going to get really lucky. only time will tell. but until then, it's back to business. i have to prepare again soon.

** in other news, i have ditched the thought of buying a new phone this Christmas. i'm going to buy a lenovo s-10-2 netbook instead. a new 2GB memory stick and maybe a new case would do my sturdy k770 a good facelift.

Bored

2009-12-10T14:06:00.003+08:00

my mind is on vacation right now. for whatever reason, when i come home somehow my brain loops the thought of vacation over and over and over again.

we only have one week to go, and that includes 3 exams which i have to be great on. kinda fucked biochemistry (the best subject to make you look stupid) and still have to make 2 handouts for both anatomy and physiology.

a lot of work, but with proper time management i would be able to do this. if there only was time left to waste. or maybe i could just wish for time to stop and enable me to dawdle around and refocus myself to the task at hand: do great in the upcoming exams.

but alas, we also have a packed Friday. we have two events to do (the college has been really gracious in giving us things to do aside from study) because of the alumni celebration, and now i heard our batch also has to sponsor one Simbang Gabi, but i do not look forward into involving myself with that.

this afternoon i will venture out into the streets of Manila and meet with my girlfriend. hopefully she can inject some really needed inspiration into myself. for now, i would have to bank on my will to overcome laziness and start studying.

Love for the game

2009-12-08T22:06:00.000+08:00

played a round of hoop today. it's been two weeks since i last played in our court here in the subdivision where i live in. enjoyed the sweat, the trash talking and the company of old friends which have been there through the years.

i owe so much to the game. it has been in my blood for so long. well, maybe not much. i started playing when i was in 3rd grade. nothing serious, just like any kid i would venture outside the 3-point line and heave the ball with all my might hoping that it would hit the iron of the ring. (of course that was the wrong thing to do, because later on i worked more on my midrange and post up game. haha.) my cousins introduced me to the game. i only had lukewarm interest in it, and did not envy those other kids which showed prowess early on.

my love for the game started when i was in 2nd year high school. i had classmates who had a love affair with basketball. everyday we were together there would always be stories of players, teams and games. it was infectious. they played whenever they could get a chance. while i wasn't allowed to because back then i could not get my parent's permission to go to silang or dasmarinas to play ball. we had fun that year, eventually making it to 3rd place in the intramurals. i surely wished we should have won it back then, but no regrets. we had a good game. by the next year, many of them (my classmates) continued on to play for the school varsity.

i remembered getting a first taste of the action then. i was subbed in around midway of the 2nd quarter. the moment i held the ball i was whistled for a traveling violation. i walked. i didn't even remember how i did it, but that event engraved into my mind how far back i was in terms of skill level. and how allergic i've been to traveling calls (ever since i've never been whistled for it. as far as i know).

after 2nd year and every summer after, i started taking ball seriously. and my friends did too. we formed a team which also led to the forming of our group. we didn't really have a name yet, and i will always remember those years when we used to get up every morning at around 6am and play until 9am. and get beat up over and over again by the other teams we played with. it was always a challenge for us back then, up to now. we've basically played all of the people here in our place. and whenever our team was found around the court, they're the ones inviting us to play. this part of ball is what i love. respect between teams, as individuals, respect for the game. although sometimes there would be jerks who are just too flamboyant for their own good and for which i took personal satisfaction in beating their team up.

aside from seeing the team grow and mature through the years, i simply amaze myself by looking back and seeing how far my game has come. basketball has been the true example of hard work paying off for me. something that i would wish to emulate in my studies. the attitude to always learn and look for some things which would improve my game to the endless hours spent in front of the pc watching videos of players teaching their skills. i especially like to watch Kobe videos. he's the most complete player of his generation and has a ton of moves to teach. he also possesses the killer mentality that MJ had, and is really the best Jordan since Jordan.

i would really like to go on and on and on about my love for the game and my basketball story. but as of today, my love for the game has been the only thing that i would be able to talk about. maybe i'll save my story as a player and write it here next year. whenever the mood strikes me.

Success is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. this is the most important thing i think basketball taught me.

random:
* i have finished watching Entourage. season 7 begins next year and it has been kinda epic that there is nothing in my bittorrent client to be downloaded.
** i really have to upgrade to windows 7. i hope my classmate can give me a copy.

Moody

2009-12-07T21:16:00.000+08:00

i am not doing the urinary system notes that i should be doing tonight.
because of one reason: i am not in the mood.

though i may not look like it, i am a person governed by moods. when i am in the mood to work, i am instantly motivated and turn out my best work. when i am not in the mood, well, forced shit happens. not that the quality of work looks really bad, but rather a veil of dissatisfaction covers my work done while not in the mood.

ever since grade school, i already have pointed out the importance of being in the mood, the right state of mind to do things. i think i answered the question "what motivates you the most to do your work" with the phrase " i have to get into the mood."

it's like having sex. you don't really want to be banging all the time because you are just too aware that the human body has its own internal limits. and making love while not enjoying it, ergo being "not in the mood" may suck in its entirety. tv teaches a lot of things of this nature right?

so, what does get me amped up to go to work? that i really do not know. sometimes i operate on a whim, sometimes i sleep and wake up feeling really powerful and trying to do everything in a flash. but i know it won't happen, not when the mood starts to flag down a little. you see, getting into the mood and staying in the mood are two different animals to contend with. that is why having this style of working by the mood cycle can sometimes be both a blessing and a curse. you may turn out the best work when you are in the zone, but what if the situation demands something now and by all chances you're not in the mood? in my case i get stumped. which is not the best situation to be in.

my girlfriend preaches the "motivation gets you started, discipline takes you there" mantra, and there have been times that i've bought into it. i try to stoke myself up and fight the laziness which was inhibiting the working mood from manifesting itself. there are times where it works and times where it doesn't. and then there are occurrences where i am totally focused or totally lazy. such is a guy being governed by his moods.

damn, i sound like a girl.

Politika

2009-12-07T19:26:00.003+08:00

what's up everyone? i only had morning classes today, and still i was an hour late. i overslept (damn i was dog tired) but i'm still thankful since that extra amount of sleep had me recharged and ready for the day's work.

let's talk about politics.

haven't watched the news lately, but i have been doing my reading in the internet. the massacre in Maguindanao has boiled over. rebellion raps left and right. now declaration of martial law in the area. really juicy stuff for experts and pundits to munch upon, but as it stands, almost every institution related to the government is in shambles right now. there are just too many problems to deal with.

we have automations which are just ready to fail in May next year. i really don't buy into the apparent "preparedness" of the Comelec, since it was the automated elections in Mindanao that brought the Ampatuans into power. maybe i'm wrong, and i would be relieved as hell if i ever was wrong, but the scene follows the same script.

we also have a shameless president who's just had too much fun riding the highest position in the land. now aspiring for a congressional seat after her term, all signs point to another power play set to target a Constitutional Assembly in a matter of years.

we are going to have the most difficult elections next year. maybe Randy David was right. we SHOULD wage war against every man and woman allied to the scum president that we have, and let us make our votes count. let us not make the administration cronies woo us again with any shit that comes out of their holes. we have grown to be smarter and more critical of what is happening. let us put this education we have and manifest it into a vote. shame on the people who do not wish to vote. they too should be held accountable for their inactivity and the apathy they display to society.

i have a college friend who is taking up masteral studies in political science. he loves politics. he bleeds politics, loves the healthy discussion and debate, the speculation and the wanton acts our esteemed leaders every so often commit. i would always remember him because he would be having so much fun right now dissecting what the hell is happening in the country.

am i a political person? well fuck yes. i am involved and aware of what is happening, and i am fully knowledgeable of the power my vote can bring. i know my opinion matters.

on a related note, i still do not have anyone to put in my ballot next year. i also disapprove of the "approval" of the premature campaigning in this year's elections.

Recurrent

2009-12-07T00:04:00.000+08:00

i'm still trying out the new blogger XML. the customization has been better now since a lot of the html stuff has been reduced and all you needed to do is just point and click.

i've noticed that i have written entries which have revolved around my on and off relationship with writing. now that i've mentioned it, i think that a need to explain myself is due.

i've been writing since gradeschool. i gladly remember winning a contest in elementary which got me a Wizard of Oz book to read. i also remembered having to rewrite my winning essay because the faculty lost my submission. i think i didn't really enter that contest because i liked it but it was more of a requirement that we had to write about something and it was being judged by the teachers. i couldn't recall what was the topic back then, and the sweetness of that victory wasn't really savored since all i knew back then was just to play, play and play.

i remember the first time i fell in love. the words which couldn't escape my mouth flowed throughout the time i was holding a pen. she said i wrote the sweetest letters. i remember the heartbreaks that i went through everyday when rejection came. i remember being the best writer that i am when i was sad. yeah, maybe that was the catch. that was one really compelling reason not to write about anything, since i wasn't really that sad at all..

but then, i remembered how good i was when i'm madly in love, like i am today.

i really needed to polish my words because this holiday season i plan on writing a letter that would knock the socks off the heels of the woman i have loved for so long.

so this has been a tale of extremes. of one end being the heartbroken, melancholic and stressed out person or of one being the jubilant, loved and cheerful opposite.

writing has been a very powerful tool of expressing how i feel. people around me do not see the raw emotion unless they have seen my writings. that just about works for me anyway, and i'll be putting the finishing marks on my nth "i'm back" entry tonight.

because on this day, i'm gonna be back to writing. hopefully for good.

Finally

2009-12-06T22:47:00.002+08:00

i was supposed to do this blogger facelift on the 18th. unfortunately i had too much time on my hands on a Sunday evening while trying to figure out how to study for my upcoming exams and downloading tv shows on the internet. (what a pirate i must be)

i really have a lot of ideas to write about. i've been thinking about them for the past 2 weeks. since mentally i've been preparing myself to make a serious run at blogging. since medical school has only compelled me to read, read and read, i opted to make use of this blogger account to write, write and write. i've noticed my deficiency in writing during the past few months and thus i had made up my mind to make use of this personal space of mine to make up for the absence of writing in my personal life right now.

so, what have i been up to lately? still studying. passing the exams. somehow i have adjusted to the grind of medical school. slowly i've been developing a system for learning, but it isn't that complete yet. in case you're wondering, i have been enjoying myself in school. i'm getting to know the other people of the batch i belong to, and so far the experience has been pretty damn fun.

particularly enjoyable was the whole JFT experience. a really great event to participate in. almost everybody in the batch did something for the success of our presentations, though there were still some knuckleheads who really didn't want any part of it. well, i rest on the fact that the experience we had was a complete WIN. it was their loss that they did not participate.

i enjoyed managing and coordinating the batch production. i'm really a behind the scenes guy and i do my best behind the curtain. one thing that really amuses me is the reputation i have been slowly building within my peers as a flexible and capable person. as i was telling my girlfriend over at dinner yesterday, i really wanted to be someone who can be depended on and i think my efforts have not gone unnoticed. it's enough to say that i'm pretty amped already for next year now that ideas have started to pour in. hopefully everyone on board today will still be on board next year.

so that would be all for tonight.

finally, blogging again. it is nice to be back.

looking forward to the better days

2009-09-24T18:30:00.002+08:00

in around 2 weeks, my first semester of medical school would be over. overall, i think academically and personally i sucked.

i really don't think people or our profs should be calling us doctors already. i can't really feel that i am making progress, though there are times when i correctly diagnose someone or i somehow find the ability to muster some "medical advice" to my friends. the term "doctor" should be reserved to those who would make it. personally i think it's too early to call us anything else except students.

today every subject we had gave their own version of quizzes. so in all i had 4 quizzes. and then another possible 2 (there would be 1 for sure) will be done tomorrow. this is on top of upcoming evaluations and final exams for our semestral subjects. the next two weeks we'l be having would be shit. but then again, that's life. not that we're gonna get fucked or anything, but we can do something about it.

in spite of this, we still look forward to the good days ahead. there would be times where life seems a whole lot of bull, but it just serves as a counter-balance so that we may be able to appreciate more the good times and the blessings we may receive each day.

for the next few weeks i hope to save money to buy stuff and get new shoes. plus i hope that we get the faster broadband. when sembreak comes, i'm going to ball out like crazy. till then, its back to work. peace out.

before reviewing for an exam

2009-09-16T19:05:00.002+08:00

i REALLY had to write this down. was supposed to tweet some of these thoughts but if some asshole finds out i'm gonna be in big trouble.

- intrabatch/interbatch LOVE. yes naman. nakakatuwa talaga ang mga babae. lalo na sa group namin. haha! i really did not want to share any stories as told by them. suffice to say it gave me some more insights into who they really are, since as of now the people who study medicine are settling down and are going back to their undergrad habits. ditto to myself.

- tsismis. gossip. or things-you-are-not-supposed-to-know-but-you-knew-since-you-were-there or shit-i-did-not-know-that kind of stuff. trying to memorize certain stories that people may consider "juicy" is like studying anatomy. there is so much to know! haha!

- Maxene Magalona's nose. my girlfriend told me this afternoon that since her first afternoon drama show, Francis Magalona's daughter has had a rather pointy nose. Two things i would like to point out: first, if you were to play a role of ANY woman who is actually not rich, why go for the nose job? do i really need to see a chambermaid whose nose can actually puncture the wall of my house? second, THOSE GODDAMNED NOSTRILS! if you look at her nose closely, one nostril is bigger than the other. what the f***.

- Bayani Fernando. to aspire endorsement of the Administration Party as candidate to the highest post of the land, BF has displayed behavior of a toddler which ticks off a lot of people and what's more to that were his answers during the aforementioned Party's executive meeting which tiptoed the line between moronic and hilarious (i.e. to get more jobs the rich have to get richer so more wages can be issued). Good thing the Administration Party wasn't high on marijuana nor drunk as hell to choose him as the standard bearer.

- Gibo, Noynoy and Manny V. still haven't found any reason to vote for any of them. Noynoy has a pathetic legislative record, Manny V.'s commercials only need the words "for President" to be qualified as campaign material and Gibo hasn't shown anything except fluency in Ilocano. (haha)

all this shit came from watching TV on the bus in the afternoon and from watching the evening news. now back to regular programming.

blogging from the laptop

2009-09-12T10:26:00.002+08:00

another exam is coming. somehow i've been able to study and by hanging out with the smart dudes and dudettes in our batch i've kinda picked up some things which would enable me to better master the art of taking stressful exams.

i have somehow pinpointed my weakness, and that is my inability to be relaxed during exams or quizzes. somehow i need to learn how to be relaxed and composed. i'm already excited to take the next exams because it's another chance to prove myself. i think having that meeting with the guidance counselor helped me a lot.

i was watching Michael Jordan's Hall of Fame induction and one thing about him struck me. he was very uncompromising and was finding ways to motivate himself all the time. somehow i lack the high levels of discipline and motivation that are needed to perform on a higher level. i must be able to obtain such so as to continue my journey into having the best medical career i can achieve.

options for my specialization are increasing. after studying the chest area, i've picked up interest in the field of head and neck surgery. even otorhinolaryngology. i'm keeping my mind open.

wish me luck!!! ^_^

What's Up?

2009-08-15T12:06:00.002+08:00

hello everybody! it has been 2 months since i last posted in my blogger. though i haven't forgotten that i do have a blogger account, my body has not compelled me to write or post anything as of late.

but since i'm still hobbling due to a knee sprain i suffered last monday, i've taken it to myself to blog about what's been happening to my life.

medical school has been frustrating, tiring, cumbersome and fun for the 1st 3 months. it has been the longest 3 months of my life and frankly, there were days where frustration would get the best of me and i would find myself worn out after a week of cadavers, enzymes and metabolic pathways.

in spite of this, i do truly enjoy medschool, especially after meeting really wonderful people who i may call as my friends. new experiences and adventures (specially during laboratory) await us on any given day, spaced out by BORING/INTERESTING 4 hour lectures.

i believe that finally, i have been getting into my stride when it comes to academics. i believe that i have done a good job in keeping my head above water and not getting really low grades. my objective is to get the highest marks, but first i need to pass. :)

this year marks the first time i almost blew my knee out. thankfully it wasn't the MCL tear i was first diagnosed with, but rather a mild knee sprain. though i would be wearing knee braces the next time i play, which probably would be September.

i enjoy coaching our batch's basketball team. it's really good to know that my game has gotten instant respect and while i know that i should be improving myself, it is also imperative that the team and its players should improve alongside each other. we need to set an identity in the next game.

i want DEFENSE first. haha. the offense would come in after that.

in the meantime, i am trying hard to study while i combat pains in my arms and back. hopefully next week when i go to the orthopedist, good news may come.

stay safe everyone! ^_^

been a while

2009-06-13T23:04:00.002+08:00

it has been a few weeks since i last posted anything on this blogsite. the last few days of mine have been dedicated to staying in front of the PC as long as possible. haha!

so most of the time i spend updating our tumblr blog, playing Assassin's Creed and following the NBA Finals.

so, recently i thought about having any worthy topic to post on this site, one which i can talk about in length, but apparently, i am too lazy to talk about anything in length. i don't know why i am so lazy about it, but i can't call it a writer's block because of the fact that i was just very lazy and all.

medical school starts for me in a few days. i wish to enjoy every second of it and be the greatest doctor i could ever be.

so, back to the supposed topic. it has been a long while since i posted on this blog. apparently, i am being engulfed by this wave or should i say, a new trend going on in the internet: micro-blogging.

so far, i have been a member of Twitter and Tumblr for quite some time, and i have to say, posting bits of my life as they happen by the spur of the moment has given me satisfaction. that, and because i was too lazy to write anything in length. though i am predisposed to having deep thoughts, i find it too taxing to try and extrapolate them into words which only a few people ever really see. not that i would abandon posting on this. but the fact is, time has been less for me to write prose contemplations on what i think and that of which happens in my life every so often.

i think that would be all for today. i'd still be posting. haha! look at me reassuring myself. :P

N.N.N.N.....!

2009-05-28T19:23:00.002+08:00

sex videos are the rage of news networks right now. by networks, i mean ABS-CBN and GMA. by news, i mean the shit they broadcast between 6 to 8 PM every weekday.

for a show aptly named 24 Oras, all they actually did today was stand by the Senate halls listening to the Senate's hearing on the maligned doctor's sex videos. TV Patrol was committing the same sin as well. about 70% of air time was devoted to Hayden Kho and his family. somebody needs to see the tv ratings they have produced right now and give them a reality show. something like, Keeeping Up with the Kho, or any other shitty title.

as it stands right now, Hayden Kho has flipped the switch from upstart, cosmopolitan, hunkish doctor into a deranged, drug abusing, psychologically impaired shell of a man in a span of one week. to me, this psychologically impaired part was manufactured by his lawyers.

maybe, the psychologically impaired part of Hayden was that he failed to get his hands on a HIGH-DEFINITION camera instead of a low-res one that shoots in MP4 and 3GP format! really now, this makes the video size really small, and makes it really, really tempting to be uploaded.

anyway, what i hate about this whole scenario is the fact that the storyline has changed directions too many times. it started with Katrina Halili going to the Senate to ask for help because her rights were violated due to the uploading of the explicit videos. that was then, today, everyone is training their eyes on Hayden Kho's apparent durg addiction, coupled with the fact that he still hasn't mentioned the supplier of his drugs (whom he allegedly says is a VERY, VERY big name). so today, the whole thing has evolved into a new monster altogether. and the networks are really happy because the story lives to see another day, with all the implications still intact and bursting at the seams.

the ABS-CBN comedy show Banana Split, spoofs the late night entertainment gossip show by Kris and Boy, entitled S.N.N. or Showbiz News Ngayon. they retitled it, N.N.N.N., which stood for eNtertainment News, Na Naman. which is probably what every sane person is thinking right now when they watch the news.

things that i should be anxious about

2009-05-27T15:26:00.002+08:00

so i finally enrolled myself (c/o Mom) to medical school. for the past few days my mind has been wandering around imagining things that are bound to happen once i start med school. but i wouldn't really bother entertaining such thoughts right now.

fortunately for me, i have around 1 1/2 weeks left in my vacation. that's before the real work starts. i'd want to enjoy this summer to the fullest, so that i can start fresh and amped up for school.

i'm really stoked about watching the new Eureka Seven movie. i really loved the anime series, and for them to come out with a movie after four years is great. never mind that some of the old animations would be used, i just loved everything the series had. the action, romance, the sounds of the series, everything was just gravy for me. so i really have to watch this one, because i know that it would not disappoint.

to somehow get over my Eureka Seven fix, i've watched dvds and downloaded pictures of Renton, Eureka and the gang. really, i love those guys.

so much is going to happen within the next months or so. a lot of it however, hangs on me. for the first time in my life, i study to help my parents. i can now feel the urgency of the situation. i do hope i can get a scholarship that would allow my sisters to get into top-notch schools in order for them to have the best education possible. my parents have done their part. now would be the best time to do mine.

after almost a month

2009-05-17T19:16:00.003+08:00

i feel kinda weird right now. all of a sudden, after saturating my eyes from watching tv shows all day in front of the pc which literally busted my butt to having to play SF with the homeboys til 3am, words started to fall in line here inside my mind..

for the past week since we've been eliminated from our little summer league, i found myself trying to enjoy what's left with my summer. so far, it has been great although i wasn't really given the freedom to go out whenever i liked because i did not have any money (literally pockets and piggy banks EMPTY).

fortunately, people around me have been finding ways to enjoy the summer heat (and rains!) without stretching the wallet much. many times i found myself either in debt or piggy-backing my friends who had the patience to lend me money. i swore that i'm going to get their money back (i WILL pay them off, EVENTUALLY. haha.)

but so far, summer has been good. a lot of good times, high times and first times. a lot of songs blaring through the speakers as i ran through the first summer after i graduated, telling stories of fun and adventure, of heartache and heartbreak, of the good times and the bad.

did i get better this summer? kind of. basketball wise, yeah there has been a little improvement. we finally got ourselves a team we can call our own. we call the shots, we play off each other's strengths, we make plays and we practice hard. i love it. hopefully next summer we can put ourselves back in a position where we can win, and we will do our best to achieve our goals.

as a person? again, somehow i've noticed an improvement. i did a lot of introspection when i was crawling past my last semester for my bachelor's degree, trying to analyze the positives that came with the negative experiences such as failed expectations, failed projects, exams, etc. but generally, it centralizes itself upon failure, and how i should handle it. this summer taught me a lot. although we lost, but we had fun. yeah it sucked, having to be at the tail-end of jokes from the people but that pretty much was it. no one really degraded us or anything, and we even got respect from others. overall, i learned that you should take failure with a smile, that i should give everything on the things or activities i involve myself on. i should work hard, but most of all, i should enjoy..

when i was finishing my degree, i didn't really enjoy some of the subjects i took, and not coincidentally i had subpar grades coming from these boring subjects. this reinforces my theory that whenever i enjoyed a subject, i usually got high grades from it..

now, the challenge from me is how to find fun and life within things or activities that strike me as boring. that would be... well, fun. i guess. haha.

this particular summer has been a ball. aside from the lack of money, i don't find anything to gripe about with this year's season of the sun. i hope you are enjoying your summer so far. make sure you get the most out of what is left of it.

something to think about as i put the finishes to this entry:
when you fail, do not forget what the experience taught you. sometimes the beauty is in the attempt, in the "try" section, in the journey. no one found beauty in giving up.

rainy summer nights

2009-04-21T22:02:00.002+08:00

nobody really goes to my blog nowadays. or maybe they do, i just don't know about it. haha! i really am too lazy to put a hit counter on my site, since from experiences in the past have taught me that counters have expiration dates. (eeks!)

anyway, twitter, basketball and just hanging out with friends occupy my summer right now, if it is indeed a summer since for the past few days torrential rains ran down our roofs. what's good about it is that we have extra time to rest our nagging injuries (my sprained foot is still a bit swollen). the bad news about it is that, i feel so antsy waiting for our next game. we lost our 2nd game in the summer league due to our carelessness. and the fact that we didn't make any adjustments as urgently as they were needed.

but i still hold our team with high regard. we just have to instill more discipline and lay down a more stable system. so far we're caught up between going with our natural plays and trying to execute structured offenses, so sometimes we seem really lost in our play.

i don't really feel like graduating this summer. as far as i know, i'm in vacation mode. haha! but i'm trying to help my girlfriend find a job so that she doesn't go to the provinces. good luck on that.

so far, summer rocks. haha! nothing much to worry about. i have the time for my friends and family. i just wish i had more time with my girl so that summer would be complete. :x

to all who will be graduating this summer, congratulations! you probably deserve it! :)

thoughts

2009-04-15T20:43:00.002+08:00

it's been a busy week for me and my girlfriend. clearance, fees and other activities typically signify one event which signifies the end of our undergraduate years: graduation.

but this isn't really about any sadness or happiness that graduation invokes within me. but rather, i'd like to take this opportunity to think about things a little bit.

if there is anything i learned about myself in my senior year of college education, its that i think too much..

ever since i became "responsible", i found myself fussing over things a little bit more than usual. giving them a tad more attention than needed. in the end, i tend to overthink and frustrate myself with so many ifs and buts.

not that i want to save everything until it blows up in my face, but as one old friend has said to me a long time ago, i tend to go back and play with the what if scenarios. that may be the worst trait i have attained this year.

of the many things that have happened to me, its failure that most compels me to think. of what happened, and what SHOULD have happened. then somehow i try to plan towards the best solution to the problem. then it fails. then i plan again.

it has become a very cyclical and deadly process for me. it puts unnecessary pressure on myself, and then expectations which are not realized also contribute to the damage caused by failure.

i'm afraid of failure. i really am.

never did i condition myself to fail, or put myself in a situation that losing was the only way out. people say that in order to succeed, one must accept failure.

i think i haven't really grasped that part.. yet. but i continue to work. the problem is, by working hard, things don't turn out the way i wanted them to be.

maybe that's just the start. i don't really plan on ditching the whole hard work and determination that i have demanded from myself this last year of my bachelor's degree. i've fallen down many times this year, but somehow i managed to put myself together again. maybe that's the key, that unwavering persistence and that stubborn belief that i can do it.

in a way i have cobbled together a post that deals with my ideas on my fear of defeat and shortcomings, though this really isn't all that's in my head right now..

i want to thank all those people who stood by me during the dark times: my mom, my girlfriend, my friends, the game of basketball which has remained as my relief from the stress of the real world, and that hope inside of me that never disappears.

i hope i get everything right someday. when i get to sort out and throw out all of these junk thoughts that litter my mind.

maybe my friend was right, what if never equates to WHAT IS. i should start appreciating what is, rather than what isn't.

grrrr

2009-04-05T21:05:00.000+08:00

the last time i posted an entry here, it was kinda rushed.
this post would also be one of those rushed posts, and motivated by a great anger towards people who have no consideration.

i have no beef against any professors, but i don't think that being an impediment to the life goals of a great student-leader is not really something that should be handed down to.

sayang naman, hindi makakasama ang chairman sa paglalakad namin. tsk. nakakainis.

updates

2009-03-21T10:32:00.001+08:00

lot of sh*t to finish. still hoping that i get exempted. want to graduate. hahaha!
eyes hurt. something stuck in my eye. my goodness.
(post that looks like a twitter feed. love twitter. haha.)

basketbol muna!

2009-03-15T20:10:00.003+08:00

my man, D-Wade, has flipped the league upside-down with acts of stupendous will to win and undeniable ability to put the ball in the hoop.

i've been playing a LOT this weekend, which means that the time allotted for reading materials is cut down! haha! my teammates have been coming together right now, a little more practice and we would be back where we were a few years ago. we're gonna make a killing in the summer leagues. i can guarantee it. :D

3 things we need to do every game:
1. defend
2. execute
3. focus

the only way we can lose is by going up against really strong teams. you know, overmatched. haha! but i'm really excited about the coming league. wish us luck! ^_^

whew!

2009-03-13T22:37:00.000+08:00

finally! i am done with my thesis. but i still have a long way to go. so much to read! papers to do and exams to pass with flying colors! my goodness! i hope i can do it. i still have a summer basketball league to worry about. whew! :D

post number 160

2009-03-07T22:57:00.001+08:00

sadya kong ikinalulungkot na napakatanga ng aming butihing mayor. nasayang lamang ang aking boto sa kanya, sa buong akala ko na may maibibigay siyang bagong paglilingkod sa aking minamahal na Imus.

kaya simula noon ay hindi na ako magiging hunghang sa pagboto. dapat kilalanin ng mabuti ang lahat ng mga kandidato. humanda sya sa akin sa 2010.

(inspired by a phone conversation i heard.)

on being normal

2009-03-01T17:49:00.002+08:00

i feel relieved typing this post right now. for one, this would be another addition to those prophetic posts (or motivational posts, whatever i may call them depending on whoever asks me) that litter my blog whenever i wanted to do something or wanted to change something about myself.

for the longest time, it has been my greatest joy to please other people, or offer them help, or just be there for the sake of having someone who always can lend a helping hand or a listening ear. while being engaged in such a noble cause, events have happened which have set off things (and thoughts) in motion.

for the last few days, i took a long, hard look at myself.

part of me loathes being in this situation. not being stable, desperately fighting to keep a dream alive (sometimes even having thoughts of abandoning the dream altogether), punishing myself because things did not work out and worse, not having the balls to admit that i was wrong in some aspects and therefore being stuck in this confusing situation.

don't get me wrong, i love my undergraduate course, but the hard part is selling it as a preparatory course for medicine. that, and i'm not really good at selling (and interviews).

but the bigger part of me sees something else. if i had indeed pursued my dream selfishly, then i would not have met the wonderful people i've encountered in college (and my most wonderful girlfriend), and then my dream would not have a concrete purpose (from being a misconstrued version of what a male nurse was to being able to serve people who have not had any medical attention).

my interviewer was right. i did not cover my tracks. i misled myself into attaining something that i could not attain. my mind is still in conflict right now. had i been too little, too late? or was getting there really not really meant for me?

for days i thought i was going crazy. so many ideas coming in and out of my head. trying hard to balance regret and rationality as i tried to get out the mental traps i have set for myself. too much thinking indeed, and i would really not be able to get out of this if i did not stop myself from bullishly going forward without taking anything out of this.

yes, i know odds are stacked against me. i'll have to fight through a lot of these forthcoming years of my life. but still, i know i can do it. not in a omniscient kind of way, no swagger this time.

by going through this, i now know that i need to be humble enough to accept my mistakes and shortcomings in order to move on with my life. i have become tired of being normal. i feel that my skills have deteriorated somehow. i feel like i have underperformed. i feel the aura of mediocrity surrounding me. all of this has to change now.

now is the time to kick some major ass. time to prove the doubters wrong. i do have a lot of potential within me but now, more than ever, is the time to realize it. unleash the tiger kumbaga.

no more timidity and reluctance. no more nice guys here. i'm going into the real life and i am going to give some ass whoopin to those who get in my way.

the killer instinct should be there.
leave no stone unturned.
try to get better everyday.
lick the blood of those whom have fallen in your hands.
excellence should be seen in every work.
be humbled, and learn from defeat.
be jubilant and thankful in victory.

and of course, have fun. and take everybody else up with you. no sense in being Superman if you can't lift a 100 people, right? ;)

in the end, life really ain't that bad

2009-02-22T20:59:00.002+08:00

somewhere in the back of my mind, i am breathing a sigh of relief. or as Spongebob Squarepants calls it, those allegorical personifications used to illustrate the concept of thought (yep, those mini-mes running around my head) are breathing the collective sigh.

i didn't really lose everything after i thought i lost it. my mom always told me to be prepared, and yes it looks like i would be treading the path not followed by everyone. you know, when you thought everything is already figured out, the monkeys come out and mess it up. but again it should be taken as a chance, to prove to yourself and to everyone around you that it can be done.

and that's the best thing to do: show everyone you made it.

i loved what happened to me this past week. i've been very productive, proactive and happy. i am now engaging myself in projects which are of a lot of value to me, and i would make it a point to see them get done on time. i hope everything works out. i'd love to go out of UP with a bang, while saying to myself that i did something great and of value.

i love UP. i loved the institution that has molded me into who i am right now, and of which has taught me the values of service, sacrifice and excellence all for the greater good. i met a lot of people who have had a profound influence on me, and still met a lot of people who act like jerks and asses.

but still, UP has been good to me. and life too, as of late, has been good. i hope i can ride this wave all the way through graduation and into med school (UE or LaSalle? red or green? hahaha!).

till then, enjoy life! :D

its back

2009-02-07T21:16:00.003+08:00

i feel kind of funny writing this. but somehow its the relief that's getting into me now which makes my day.

a week ago i bottomed out. i didn't know what to do after that.

then things looked up. somehow i've had a glimmer of hope.
let's make sure this one works. ok?

you'll never catch me dead with this one

2009-01-31T22:31:00.003+08:00

I got troubled thoughts
And the self-esteem to match
What a catch, what a catch
- "What a Catch, Donnie" - Fallout Boy

Jubilant in victory, gracious in defeat was what some old men say..
yet in my whole life i never really liked swallowing losing. nor showed any grace after that.

so in the end, yeah, f*ck losing.

me. or so i think.

2009-01-29T20:46:00.002+08:00

i'm really confused. ever since i've taken those psychology and career aptitude tests i would always score high ratings in creativity, most probably described as spontaneous and extroverted, and have a successful career in the arts.

heck, when i took this online test about which medical specialization i was most fitted to take, cosmetic surgery came in a landslide! unbelievable. those career psych tests i took were the most disagreeable pundits, since they suggested that i had a skill set completely opposite of a doctor's.

i really don't know. maybe that was life's way of telling me that i could not be a doctor. i'm in a non pre-medical course (although in a lot of ways, it solidified my reasons of pursuing medicine), and my NMAT results aren't in yet (the waiting is killing me!) thus another day passes with me imagining myself losing it because i did not make the cut, or breathing a sigh of relief because everything went my way. either which situation happens, it's getting in my head pretty hard right now. anything that happens is tough to swallow, but i guess i'd just have to live through it. di ko trip magpakamatay para lang takasan lahat to eh.

i'd have to admit, a lot of things i know about myself come from what people tell me. its some kind of a third person way, like a looking glass self. or some theory to that effect (i'm sorry madam inton but i forgot my comm3 already).

i don't actually like seeing myself in the mirror. or perhaps i lack the ability of knowing what i can do, because in my senior year i've actually managed to surprise myself quite a number of times because i was able to do things i did not know i was capable of doing.

ignorante lang ba talaga ako?

it's kinda crazy, but i never wanted to be someone who only consistently underachieves. someone to be written off as an individual with talent that didn't make it.. i want to make it. i know i can.

so its make or break time for me. a lot of things hang on that goddamn NMAT result. basically my whole life that is. haha! good luck to that.

PC ko. haha.

2009-01-18T19:44:00.003+08:00

this is my PC. it has been with me for less than a month (assembly date: December 27, 2008). it was a late Xmas gift from my two doting parents. sure all my Xmas money went into this one, and with that financial capital i was assured that the specs i wanted were the ones they were going to get..

and yes, my PC breathes fire. wahahaha!! that's just how fast it is. but i'm not yet done. i'm still saving up for the new DVD-writer and another 2gb RAM stick to complete my new computer.
the best thing about this one is that its totally mine! no more nagging from the others about using the PC. nobody's going to be taking a bite unto this chunk of technological goodness other than me. :))

the picture on the left is my new lcd monitor. 17 inches lang. hahaha! i wanted the 22 or even the 19, but it was too expensive that time. widescreen naman na eh. hehehe! and i'm having a hell of a time watching HD movies and playing HD games. my goodness! hahaha!

i've been waiting for a while to write this blog about my pc. sa wakas napost din! :D

potato madness among other things

2009-01-15T22:18:00.002+08:00

this week has been potato week with me and my girlfriend. we've pigged out with lots and lots of potatoes of the mashed and fried variety. now i'm craving for mcdonalds hash browns!

when my girlfriend gets rid of her cough, next week would be the start of ice cream week. oh my. hahaha!

i'm starting to wear my retainers again. and i had so many things to write on this day, but i forgot almost all of them! haha!

but i did not forget this "activity" that came into my mind earlier in the day when i was brushing my teeth.

i plan to buy an autograph book (yes, the one with "what is love" and "who is your crush") and deviously seek out every girl that i had a crush on or the ones (wow may s!) who liked me. tapos pasusulatin ko sila! ayos! :))

yun na. tapos na to. :D

blog muna

2009-01-14T19:17:00.002+08:00

Wednesday na pala. 2 weeks na simula ng magpalit ang taon. blog ulit ng walang kwenta para masabi kong may ginagawa ako rito sa pc.

pinagbawalan ko kasi ang sarili ko na maglaro pag weekdays. sa sabado at linggo na ulit. hehehe.. pag weekdays at pasukan, kailangan gumawa ng thesis at case study. mahirap na ang magahol sa oras.

pero sa ngayon, mag-aaral muna ako para sa exam. sarap talaga magtype rito sa bagong keyboard ko. nag-eenjoy akong maige sa bagong pc. hehehe! sakto talagang may bago na akong kaakibat sa paggawa at pagtapos (dapat lang) ng aking mga gawaing pampamantasan.

nakapag-gupit na ako ng kuko. sa wakas, dahil medyo 1 week na akong di nakakapaggupit ng kuko. bilis nila kasing humaba eh. hehehe..

anlamig. dulot ito ng climate change. siguro mas malala sa ibang bansa ngayon. dito sa amin nahihirapan ang mga tao sa lamig. pero welcome naman ito kahit papano, kaso mahirap din dahil di nila alam na may sakit ang planeta natin. tayo-tayo rin naman ang mahihirapan pagdating ng araw. DAPAT ay may gawin na tayo para pigilan to.

bad trip yung site ng DepEd. walang kwenta, mag eemail na dapat ako biglang down yung directory nila. hmpf.

in lighter news, naglaro ako ng bbol kanina. kahit talo kami ok lang, maganda naman ang naging laro ko. masarap sa pakiramdam. tagal ko ring di nakalaro e. :)

so yun muna. bukas ulit!

hmmmm

2009-01-12T22:49:00.001+08:00

napansin kong paiba-iba pala ako ng font sa mga blog post.

para maging mas maayos at consistent, TREBUCHET na lang lagi ang gagamitin kong font style. para di na magulo. di masyadong maliit. tamang-tama lang yung size para mabasa. :)

(napapost ulit kasi nasarapan magtype. hahaha!)

new entry!

2009-01-12T22:41:00.001+08:00

2009 na pala. di pa rin ako nag-update simula nung huling post ko.
palibasa masaya kasi yung huling post ko. ngayon masaya pa rin ako.

nabilhan ko na ng keyboard yung bagong pc ko. at PC ko na talaga sya. may sari-sarili nang mga computer at laptop ang mga tao rito sa bahay. at kakatapos ko lang magnetwork ng mga computer dito kaya wala na sanang aabala sa akin kung magpapaprint. hehehe!

ayun, at nasimulan ko na rin mag data gathering para sa thesis ko. talagang pinili ko lang yung barangay namin kasi ayoko nang lumayo.

sarap pala magtype rito sa bagong keyboard na binili ko. hehehe! medyo mas maliit nga lang sya kesa run sa luma pero ok lang. next na bibilhin ko ay dvd-writer naman. i already have a model in mind. kailangan na lang ng pambili. hehehe!

malapit na yung NMAT result ilabas! hay! sana makuha ko yung pinakaasam-asam kong score. :)

so there, ok naman ang buhay. dvd-writer na lang at RAM masaya na ako sa pc. tapos ok pa naman yung mga resulta ng mga exam ko. matataas naman. hehehe! salamat po sa maganda at mabiyayang buhay Lord! sana maging matagumpay din ang 2009 ko. :D

post number 150 na pala to! ibig sabihin ba nito ang konti ko lang magpost? hehehe..

it's two for one tonight

2008-12-27T22:54:00.002+08:00

in one day, almost all of my problems got solved.

first off, i got my brand-spankin new CPU! complete with all the specs i wanted. now the only thing i lack is the time to download and play all of the games that i have been fantasizing for quite a while now. we also got a new lcd monitor, so now i can watch movies with booming sound and HDTV quality. haha! :P

then, i got myself a globe sim for free, care of the promo from SM dept. store. funny thing is, my girlfriend's number and my new one both start with 0915 and have three 7s in them. sooo cute!

i still need to fix the hard drive issues and figure out how to manage our new wireless router. haha! till next time!

and oh, i hope you have a blessed Happy New Year! :D

its the most wonderful time of the year

2008-12-24T09:36:00.002+08:00

it was supposed to be a very Merry Christmas for me. but as of December 21, events that really sucked kind of ticked me way off and thus the enjoyment that Christmas was supposed to bring wasn't really that felt anymore.

let me count the reasons:
reason number 1:
today marks the 3rd day that the Globe service number 2870 has not responded to the zillions of texts appropriately typed "Unlitxt80" to my phone. at first i thought it was just a network problem, but it seems everyone around me except for myself has now been registered to the unlimited texting service offered by globe.

this led me to the conclusion that my sim is the culprit and the only ways to deal with it would be either to break it in f*cking half and buy a new one. so for now i am forced to utilize the sulitxt promo and just let my remaining load balance dry up before i change numbers again.

reason number 2:
CPU situation. as of now i do not honestly think that my parents would be giving me funds to buy a new computer. with that fact, any idea to buy new shoes and shirts after Christmas would be thrown out of the window. they have suggested that i try to save up for the new PC, and that is really what i intend to do. and if i succeed, NO ONE but me gets to touch the PC. i don't really care about them anymore, so long as i can build my own PC and use it. i don't really want to get stuck unto a laptop that crashes when you open more than 2 tabs in Firefox.

reason number 3:
bad dreams. well, for 3 days every time i slept, i would always dream of bad things or bad/embarrassing situations. thankfully, that episode is over and i can go on with my life now.

as bad as it may seem, i still have found things which have made life better for me in this period of time.
1. it's vacation time! no school sh*t to worry about. not until after new year.
2. basketball. i may have gotten better in playing. the shots have not been dropping yet, but it seems that my defense has improved, and i somehow added about 1 or 2 inches in my vertical leap. this may be a product of the leg stretching that i do every morning or maybe i just got a little lighter. i am now in the process of getting some post moves so i can become a better all-around player.
3. SIMBANG GABI complete! for the 2nd year i have managed to wake up at 3am to attend morning masses for 9 days. i wish for more blessings to come for next year, just as good as this year has come for me, or maybe ever better. :)

though life sucks right now, i'll never lose hope for things to get better. maybe i should remember what that priest was saying during simbang gabi. a little patience could go a long way. i don't really think there is really a feasible solution to end the little problems i have been encountering this holiday season, but i believe that a little more patience in my part can go a long way.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL! IT'S PARTY TIME! :D

basketball

2008-12-01T20:24:00.003+08:00

i'm tired right now. but somehow, i feel alive.

that's how it is whenever i step-off the court after a few pick-up games. for many reasons, whenever i don't play the game i become really sluggish and well, sometimes incomplete. playing ball invigorates me, jumpstarts my body and my mind. i can't really live somewhere that does not have a court. believe me, i would go crazy if that happened.

i noticed that i talk a lot of things in my personal space, but i have not discussed a lot about how the game has affected me. the game hasn't been always good to me. since i was little when my cousins who came from the province taught me how to dribble, shoot and pass, all i ever wanted was to become good at it. basketball the game taught me how to be competitive. but being small and skinny back then, i was not really the one that i pictured myself playing the game. in short, i sucked. haha!

but luckily, i had a set of basketball crazy friends and classmates who picked me up, so there. i got a little better every year, and i now made it a point to add something to my game, no matter how little it is, from defending better to reading opponent sets and setting better screens, i work hard to make my game more complete. it also helped that competition was good, so i was able to measure myself against them. though it is still hard for me to see the kinks in my game so i rely a lot on the inputs i get from friends. so far my shot is already falling, so i don't really have to hear my teammates whining whenever i pull-up. haha! it's more of being aggressive in attacking the basket, getting rebounds and defending the opponent so that they do not get the easy shot.

so there ends my small, disconcerted, patchy effort to talk about the game. i wrote a scouting report about myself some years ago, i can't find it but i should say i have come far from being that player who could only go to his left and has a shaky shot. :D

funeral for a friend

2008-11-30T19:48:00.003+08:00

it is now official. i now have one dead friend.

i heard the news of his death a day after it happened. right after i went home, i had my mom go with me to his wake. he was a friend since my preschool days. his mom and my mom were good friends, so my mom was shocked when i told her the sad news.

as we went to the wake, i saw almost everyone who were parts of my early childhood. to make it short, i saw all of my elementary batchmates. almost everyone was there during the four day wake. we went ahead to see him, and that was i think the first time i saw tears from my mother in a long while. i can't really describe her relationship with his mom, but what i do know is that they are really, really good friends and that his mom was our official family pediatrician so i saw them a lot during my childhood years. at first, i really did not feel anything. yes, i was saddened and all, but seeing everyone else and remembering the good times pretty much preoccupied my mind during the wake. i knew it had to be more than this, but i guess the fact that he has truly departed was not sinking yet in my mind.

then came the funeral.

i really did not know how, but hearing the priest emphasize that of the 3 dead people that were to be undergoing necrological service today, my friend was the youngest. i think that part really struck me. how come a strong 20-year old individual come down so fast and so sudden? how can someone who is just at the cusp of enjoying the world have his life abruptly cut? and so the feeling of loss made itself felt. i was crying. crying hard. i was mourning. i felt the collective grief that gripped that whole cathedral that afternoon. so this is how it feels to lose a friend. it hurts. and somehow i find it kind of regretful that his death came at a very suprising time.

they say that death comes like a thief in the night. adhering to that, death came and stole one of our dear friends away. it was encouraging to see almost everyone make it, but if we wanted to get together, all of us, i do not think it's really fun to get together in a wake. i hope we all get through this. somewhere, somehow we can see him smiling, being jolly and having fun because we would all be secure. it also helps to know that so many people came and saw everything from the wake to the funeral. it is a very, very crushing event, but afterwards everyone of us would be asked to move on..

but let us not forget that we have the capacity to improve ourselves and look back at this experience as an eye-opener for taking life for granted. personally, i did not think that dying this early cannot happen, yet it did. this now poses a challenge to all of us to take a step back and appreciate everything that has been given to us.

we can always sugarcoat everything, cloud them with fruity and colorful words to make them easier to bear. but sometimes, it takes one deep breath and a strong will to face what happened. a loss is still a loss, no matter what anybody says.

so, may you rest in peace pareng nikko. pahinga ka lang dyan, antagal-tagal mo nang pinapagod ang sarili mo. alam naming babantayan mo pa rin kaming lahat. kahit nasaan ka pa man.

power down!

2008-11-08T13:14:00.003+08:00

the reason i wasn't really online the past couple of days (more than a week i say) is because my beloved cpu is still under repair. it was supposed to be only a routine reinstall of windows, but suddenly the power supply gave in and it would not turn on. i has really not bugged me since i took it upon myself as a chance to do things other than shell up to my pc.

i went out, socialized, watched movies, spent time with the girl i love, improved my game (now that's an achievement) and currently enjoyed this old-school lifestyle having no technology around me except for my mobile phone.

i really had a great week, and the only glitch i could think of is that of my cpu not returning home. but i know everything would be set right eventually. for the meantime, it would be best for me to focus on things other than my computer.

let me talk a little about the nba today, since the league has gone through already its first week.

billups-iverson trade:
i really did not think it was serious when my friends told me about in a party i went to, but it was real, and today both players has suited up for their new teams with Iverson losing to the Nets and the Mavs leading Billups' Nuggets in the 3rd Qtr as of this moment.

i think it was a win-win for both teams, since Detroit honcho Joe Dumars wanted to shake the core which many believed has underperformed in the past 3 yrs even though going into the Eastern Conf Finals for six straight years is really nothing to be ashamed about. The Iverson-Anthony experiment of Denver wasn't also getting them past the First Round of the postseason so as it stands, a change of scenery was to take place. Even Iverson knew he was going to be traded because he was already on his contract year and Denver did not really pursue on signing him an extension.

With Iverson, they get a Hall of Fame caliber guy that may give them that scoring punch and superstar factor that Dertroit has managed to live without for years, relying only on the team which featured Billups, Hamilton, Prince and the two Wallaces. He can shoot the ball, break defenses down and run the break. The only problem with that is Detroit may have to give up a lot of defense in the backcourt with the loss of Chauncey. We must remember that Iverson is only 6ft in height, and Detroit has to defend guards like Arenas, Wade and Kobe. Defense has not been part of Iverson's calling card though he may have led the league in steals a couple of years ago, coaches do not like the fact that gambling on defense may cause the offensive player to get a clean shot since a gamble does not really translate into a turnover.

The Nuggets meanwhile, get a lot of defense and shooting from one of the best in the business today, and the good news is Chauncey is still in his prime. It's like having Andre Miller back, because apart from the points and assists, Billups built his name on leading the team that went to six straight Conference Finals. The only problem I see here is that, it may take some time for Chauncey to integrate himself into the Nuggets' system. Good things come with Billups, as Denver now has someone more consistent to back-up their budding star in Carmelo Anthony. The fact that Billups too has come from a system that puts a prime on defense may affect a change in culture in Denver. Like many observers, i feel that to advance into the playoffs, defense must first be improved and with the addition of Billups the Nuggets get a high quality, all star caliber point guard.

update:
Denver leads the Dallas, 83-79, 9:22 left in the 4th.

Miami Heat:
posting a quality win over the Spurs today (though that would be dubious since Parker and Ginobili were out, Parker injured himself in the 1st Qtr.), the Heat or Dwyane Wade actually, have shown that they are back. At last, after the failure that is last season, Wade has come back with gusto. The insane shots, bankers, splits, sidesteps and jumpers are back, and it was fun to watch him kill the Spurs this morning.

i've seen Michael Beasley's game, and i have to say i was impressed. Shawn Marion is not really a fit into the Heat's style. I would like to him being moved for say, Al Harrington (who wants to be traded anyway), a player who can post up and hit the three-ball with ease. Marion is not really a half-court guy, and most of his success comes from running the break. Miami has not really been that set on running teams out of the building, but the versatility he brings is still valued by the team. I think that though he may not be viable on offense, defensively he should bring it for the team. the rebounds, blocks and steals that he can create can effectively lead into transition baskets which can bode well for Marion.

ultimately, the Heat must find success in defense to keep Marion happy. Otherwise, I'd like to see him be moved along with the large sum of money in his contract.

so there ends a blog entry for me. i hope my cpu would be back and that things go the way i would want them to. :D

its nice to be back!

2008-10-26T19:14:00.002+08:00

hindi naman sa nag out of town trip ako o kung anuman, pero isang malaking kaluwagan na umayos na ulit ang buhay ko ngayon. hahaha!!!

naka-XP na ulit ang pc, excited na akong mamili ng bagong parts pang upgrade rito. by grad gusto ko nang magpapalit ng pc. papabuo ako ng bago. hehehe!!!

masaya na ulit ang buhay. and it has rubbed off as well to the people around me. sana magtuloy-tuloy na ito. salamat ng marami Lord!!! :D

(salamat din sa yo. lalo na run sa 2x2 na bigay mo. wahaha!!)

malas

2008-10-22T20:08:00.003+08:00

malas. malas. malas. malas. malas.

puro na lang malas!!! nitong mga huling araw puro malas ang inabot ko sa halos lahat ng bagay na ginawa ko sa buhay.

talaga bang aabutin to ng isang linggo? wag naman sana. pero kung ganun na rin lang, sige ok yun. kahit papano baka may matutunan ako tungkol sa sarili ko. tungkol sa iba. tungkol sa buhay.

sa ngayon, isa lang ang masasabi ko...

MALAAAAAAAAAS!

buti na lang di nya ako iiwan. :D (oo ikaw yung tinutukoy ko!)

finally

2008-10-08T22:12:00.003+08:00

sometimes, we don't really get the things that we want because we are store to receive something better.

after giving it time to settle in, i finally got it. i now understood why things did not work out the way i wanted them to be.

what i didn't know was, there already was someone waiting for me. were we really fated to meet each other? the circumstances around us tell me that indeed, maybe we are. i never imagined that along the way as i progressed in my life that i would meet someone who has complimented me so well. someone who has made me feel appreciated and loved. someone who has inspired me to exceed what i have expected of myself.

thank you. you and your impeccable timing really did wonders in my life.

thanks for another great day. cheers to a million more. :D

commuting, GG, weather and basketball high

2008-10-06T00:28:00.003+08:00

i was supposed to be blogging this way earlier, but since we enjoyed a few rounds of FOC i was amazed that it was already 12:30 in the midnight. last time i looked at the clock, it was just 8pm! time flies when i'm in front of the pc. haha!!

anyway, i just wanted to tell the story of my 1 1/2 hr bus ride going home. it was a friday back then, around 7pm. it's every commuter's nightmare. rush hour set in, and the heavy traffic on the other side of Taft Ave made me realize that going to Lawton may just add more time to my commute going home.

waiting for a bus was excrutiating. what made it worse is that every bus going south had to be standing for the rest of the trip. what made it really painful was that when i boarded the bus, there wasn't any more room at the back so i was forced to stand in front where most of the compression between passengers happen the worst. malas ko lang ganid yung konduktor at nagmamadali na akong umuwi kaya nagtiis ako.

so for more than an hour, i stood in a very awkward position which left both my legs in atrophy since i couldn't really move, and that my left leg was awkwardly positioned while supporting all my body weight because my other leg was also bent in a not very normal way. then when i came to have a seat (finally!!!), this lady beside me kept on elbowing me. really nastty stuff happening in my friday night commute. good thing i was able to rest upon arriving home. but then i kind fell asleep and left my girl hanging. (really sorry!!!!)

so there's that friday commute nightmare. and then there's the weather which has been freakishly erratic for the last couple of weeks. best case was that which happened to me this past saturday. it was around 2:30 in the afternoon when i left manila to go home and try to play some ball. i thought the time i give myself would be enough, then i underestimated the saturday traffic. i still can't figure out what goes on during saturday afternoons that make Bacoor traffic really heavy. the bus i was riding on got stuck around SM Bacoor. the sun was shining there, so i said to myself that i should just be easy and not panic because i'd be able to catch another game though not the first.

then, as we crossed the rotunda that bridges across SM, the sky went black and raindrops came in. IN A SNAP OF A FINGER AS WE CROSSED THE STREET. then more horror came as we lumbered toward Imus. that's when the torrents came in. it was like Katrina struck Imus. bad trip tuloy. as i descended the bus i immediately got soaking wet within seconds which forced me to get a tricycle home. sayang ang pera, magastos kasi yung trike. bwisit na ulan di ako nakapaglaro ng basketbol. so what did i do? i ate. i ate kamote na may asukal and caramel crunch ice cream ba yun (ah basta masarap!) kaya ayun guminhawa pakiramdam ko. yun pala silbi ng comfort food.

finally, the NBA and PBA seasons kick-off in October. sarap na ulit manood ng tv. tapos may malapit na rin sembreak namin, e di laro na naman. haha! sana nga lang makalaro ako. may thesis pa pala akong gagawin.

i want to improve my game. and i want a new ball. haha!!!

so there, that's all ya need to know. i may be posting my Christmas wishlist next time. maybe. haha! :)

chris paul love

2008-09-21T19:37:00.003+08:00

I BROUGHT NEW SHOES TODAY.

yup. because my mom didn't manage to take home a pair of shoes from hong kong.

and yes, she promised to buy me a new pair after they arrived. so, i already had an inkling that today (Sunday) would be that day when i can finally have a new pair of shoes.

and boy, did i buy shoes.

well, for starters, my old pair of playing shoes have already worn themselves out. after 4 yrs of continuous running, jumping, diving and turning, after all the punishment i gave them every time i step on the court, a retirement is something that is worthy of the services they have given to me.

just so you know: since the last time i brought a pair of kicks, i promised myself only to have a single pair of playing shoes. so far i've been faithful to that. :D

so, here i am raving about my new shoes. well, they're Jordans. haha! finally, i now have a pair of Jordans adorning my feet!!!! though really not an Air Jordan shoe, (i was gunning for the XXIII) these are the best looking shoes i've bought. Chris Paul's signature ones. really, really nice kicks. haha! how i wish i'm as good as he is.

i also got myself a new green nike shirt. thank you very much mom!!!! :D

for pictures, click here.

P.S.

i almost forgot, today marks one year since fall out boy had their concert in Araneta. loved that day. :)

wow. i wrote this.

2008-09-20T23:06:00.002+08:00

What do we really want? Some of us dedicate most of their lives trying to live up to what society views them to be. For some, fulfilling this label imposed by those surrounding us is their life long dream. Who doesn't want their dreams to be fulfilled anyway? Everyday we wake up and each day brings us closer to achieving goals we have set for ourselves.. But do we really want it? Or does society require it from us? Did we really choose the path we have traveled for so long? Maybe we did it because our parents wanted us to be like this. Maybe our friends lent a hand in forming us to who we are right now, and eventually making us choose whichever path we are on right now.

Every time we watch television, go to see a movie, read a book or even hear stories from others, we avail ourselves of a chance to meet other people, other characters. They may be real, or they may be maybe not. Maybe they're just a figment of the imagination of the author, or scriptwriter, or whoever is telling the story. Whatever the source is, there will ultimately come a time where you will meet someone, real or not, who's just like you in a lot of ways. You may have a lot in common with this person, this character born out of the minds of gifted writers and storytellers.

I've known a lot of people who have already met, seen and even read about these extraordinary people. We try to be like them. Some of us already are. Some of us even share the same experiences characters endure within a movie or book's plot. We see what they see. We hear what they hear. We even feel what they felt, during that exact moment, a moment that also coincidentally happened in our own lives.

We all have a place in the world we live in. Some of us spend our entire lives looking for that place. There will be some who lose their way, and others who find it easily. Whichever case there may be, rest assured that each and everyone of us has their own place, their role in this world. Our duty then, is to make sure we know where it is, and once we get it, we make our mark. Because ultimately, we all want to leave a mark somewhere in this world. We want to be remembered, cherished and thought about even after our time has ended.

There are times when we wished we could be someone else, because our lives sucked. There are those who always get their own way, those who find a shorter way to get to where they are now, and even those who take the road less traveled.

In the movies, books, television shows and people's stories we somehow manage to find a character whom we can relate to. Someone who went through the same pains and triumphs as we did. Someone who coincidentally, had the same cards dealt by life in his or her hand as we do now. We find songs that encapsulate all of what we feel every single day. We find words that comfort us, guide us, even those that reprimand us for what we did. Somebody out there actually managed to create an object capable of bringing us back to remember something, correcting us so that we do not make the same mistakes and inspire us to do better with what we have.. Because ultimately, no matter how much alike two people are, they could never be the same. Any fictional character is eventually tied to the story he/she is in, and the burden of what they do falls on the thoughts and imagination of its creator. We makes us real people different is that, we have the ability to change, to actualize our potential. To correct mistakes that should have been committed. To be better people than we pictured ourselves to be.

People change. That I think, is humanity's most precious asset. For these characters that we find in the movies, the books and the shows we watch only present us with one of the infinitely many ways we can reinvent ourselves. They have the role of showing us what to do and what not to do. Our response here is that we don't want to be trapped in their shadows, because ultimately we can be better than who they were,

and we can do more with what we have.

up and running

2008-09-14T15:06:00.003+08:00

before i dive into revising my thesis' review of related literature, i would like to warm up my brain and fingers by posting a blog.

a few updates from me:

- fam's in hk right now. for 4 days. going to disneyland, stuff like that. they're with my mother's older sister and some of my cousins. i hope they manage to give in to my demands of a psp or a macbook (haha! wish ko lang di ba. kahit laptop lang na matulin to compensate for my impending pc upgrade.) though come to think of it, since i saved them a lot of money by not going with them, maybe i should renegotiate the money to become funds for my pc upgrade since i really need one more than the laptop or psp.

- why a psp now?! macbook?! i'm actually not fond of laptops. maybe its the satisfaction of getting something a wee bit faster than my pc that's forcing me to get a laptop. and for the psp, well, since bus rides and typhoons create massive traffic jams, might as well embrace upon the legions of commuters who live and die with their own psp units.

- my body hurts. recently, i played basketball so intense it left both my arms aching so much that any hint of upward movement results to me wincing in pain. the thought of having something more serious than just overstretching anything is downright scary for me. though i don't really pursue basketball as a career, i wish to take care of my body from various bumps and bruises. maybe i should get myself a regular exercise program or something.

- i want to dispose my belly fast!!! but to do that i need to exercise.

- my brain needs exercise too.

- being alone in the house for almost 4 days can be a good awakening experience. hahaha! i suddenly have an itch to throw some kind of a house party. anyone interested please let me know. :D

- i suddenly realized that i had a lot of "bestfriends" in high school. and then i remembered how confusing my life was back then. :P

- going through old stuff with someone either makes you laugh, have a red face or reminisce. haha.

- i had too much CHIPS and CHOCOLATE this weekend. haha i don't wanna get that fat!

- Chillos.. Chillos.. Chillos.. why don't they have larger bags of these? i want a whole sack of em! now!

- i love OVERNIGHTS. haha. :D

so there you have it. i'm going to play pick-up for a while. catch you all later. peace.

talk

2008-09-06T23:27:00.002+08:00

oftentimes, my girlfriend and i have these days wherein we don't find ourselves doing anything. it's either we don't have money or we're just too lazy to go out and find ways to enjoy ourselves. there would be times where we would just play with our cellphone games (darn addicting games) or find some posh place, buy their cheapest item, and just sit down and chill out.

then there are times we just find our own little place in the metro. whether that be inside the school premises, or in our favorite mini-stop tambayan, and just talk. talk about anything. talk about everything. talk about things we observed, things we've seen. talk about our plans for the future, talk about what we saw on television last night, really ordinary stuff.

we talk a lot. haha.. now that's something that came into my mind just now. i remember saying to her the other day, that even if calling her in the landlines was free of charge (because we don't have our free NDD privileges anymore) i still won't call her that often. now, don't be mad at me just yet. i can't really see the sense of talking about things we have talked about the whole day.

maybe it's my fault. i just sometimes can't think of anything else to talk about. or maybe i'm just too lazy to find about other things to talk about, since there is a whole new world still waiting for us to talkabout.

can you forgive me for that? i hope you can. :D

of course, talking has a lot of functions. you tend to get to know someone a bit more, you can learn something new, and you can effectively pass the time.

so, whenever we're bored, we just go out to our favorite chillout space, buy something really cheap just to get good seats, and talk the day away. i love those moments. :)

looking back.

2008-09-04T23:13:00.001+08:00

1. the tagged victim has to come up with 8 descriptions of their perfect lover.

2. he/she must mention the sex/gender of their perfect lover.

3. he/she must tag 8 or more people to join this game and leave a comment on their page saying they've been tagged.

4. if tagged the second time, there's no need to post again.

She must be/have...

1. i need a good conversationalist. yeah, a really good one. we should be able to talk, (err, she has to talk and talk a lot, haha, but not the nagging type) and share some things in common. i hate dull moments. being unrestrained or spontaneous is definitely a bonus. keeps me interested.

2. full of confidence. yeah, that's what i really need right now. she's got to be the motivated and driven type of person. knows what she wants and knows how to get it. i also love laid back and relaxed girls who take their time. hahahaha!!! (contrasting, eh?)

3. a sporty person. someone who's inclined to sports. its okay to have an active lifestyle, but i sometimes get the impression that they're lesbo or something. maybe someone who's interested in sports (lalo na sa basketball! yey!) and will not yawn once i rattle off all the stats and figures that i know.

4. she MUST accept me. hahahaha!! i'm the least likeable person on Earth, but there are those select few who get past the superficial things and see the real me. and, well, they're happy they got to know me. *ehem*

5. kudos to those street smart girls. i love them!!! yah, like a girl who's got a lot of common sense, and doesn't do a lot of stupid things. never liked the "kikay" type anyway.

6. well, at least we should have ONE similar passion. say sports, music, fashion or literature. i never had a friend who didn't have the same interest such as mine (it serves as an ice breaker, mind you) so it has to be a requirement. hahahaha!!!

7. uhh, she has to be accepted by my family. i was raised with strong family ties, so if the girl can't get along with them, she's going to the pay dirt.

8. lastly, she has to possess the sweetest face i've ever seen. yes, people with those kinds of facials exist. God's such a great artist. hahahaha!!!

super retro blogpost. hehehe.

ahhhh

2008-08-26T22:29:00.001+08:00

nakaraos din sa presentation at midterm sa thesis!!! hahaha!!!

at sulit naman ang 1.0 para sa presentation. antayin ko na lang yung midterm ko.. hahaha!!!

ayos! :D

wowowowow

2008-08-23T23:35:00.002+08:00

having only about 2 days of classes should enable me to somehow have a sort of rest week.
but that was certainly not the case.

grabe eto na yata pinakanakakapagod kong linggo pagkatapos ng practicum conference!!
and still andami dami dami pang gagawin!!

kaya eto nagpapahinga na ako nitong sabado. nakanood na nga ako ng dalawang palabas na na-dl ko lang sa net.

up next: code monkeys. hahaha this should be nice. :D

p.s.
pramis magsshoot na ako BUKAS. hehehe!

20th of August

2008-08-20T13:21:00.002+08:00

3 great things when there are suddenly no classes:
a. you get to not spend anything since you don't leave
b. you get an accidental break from school and a chance to do some requirements that may be rushed
c. you can just bum around for one day (something that is really cool when you are stressed from school 24/7)

but sadly, me not going to school means not being able to be with my friends. and my girlfriend.

i miss you girl..

confused

2008-08-20T13:02:00.002+08:00

i was just wondering..

would you call your friend's boss, "boss", even though you're not working in his or her company?
would call somebody "president" or "chairman" when you are not directly affiliated nor even a member of the organization he/she currently lead?

call it OC. call it non-conformity, or even conformity in a sense. call it anything else. but hey, aren't we supposed to respect each other by referring to someone using their proper names?

so ok, everybody else calls him/her by that moniker. but haven't these people figured out that "everybody else" pertains to the actual members of the organization the he/she currently leads? then, when someone asks them to join the organization since they call him/her by this certain name, they refuse!!!

it's confusing, really. how come people bestow upon themselves the right to call someone "boss" or "chairman" if they are in fact, not actually a member of that organization and even refuse to join them??

forgive me but i believe that certain perks like calling someone "boss" are reserved for those who allot their time to really join an organization! come on, you don't call someone your "boss" unless you are employed under him or her right?

my golly, it's so confusing!

Sayang

2008-08-17T21:56:00.003+08:00

Isang upuan sa loob ng isang pamantasan. Para sa karamihan, ito ay napapawalang-bahala lamang. Ngunit para sa iba, ito ay isang palatandaan na may kalalagyan sila sa loob ng silid aralan.

Isipin natin, nararapat ba tayong maupo sa lugar na kinalalagyan natin ngayon? Atin bang naisasaisip at naisasapuso ang mga leksyon na matiyagang itinuturo sa atin ng mga propesor na mas maliit pa ang sweldo kesa sa isang security guard? Oo nga, lumiliban sila sa ating mga klase kung minsan dahil sa mga kalamidad tulad ng baha, trapik o kung ano pa man, pero dahil ba sa nakakaligtaan nila ang kanilang tungkulin bilang guro ay dapat na rin nating kaligtaan ang ating tungkulin bilang isang mag-aaral?

Nakakaligtaan na rin ng ating gobyerno ang kanyang tungkulin bilang isang institusyon na dapat sana ay nagbibigay sa atin ng dekalidad at murang edukasyon na maaaring makamit ng sinumang makakapasa sa mga panukatang inilatag nito. Ngunit ano ang tugon natin dito? Wala. OO, meron siguro. meron siguro pagkatapos ng quiz, ng assignment, ng mga rekisitos na binigay ni mam at ser, ng thesis, ng paper, ng recitation, pagkatapos magpahinga, kumain, magsaya, at kung ano pa man. Sayang lamang at nauwi rin sa gitna ng libro at papel ang katalinuhang inaantay sana ng bayan mong nagpaaral sa yo na gamitin para sa ikabubuti nya. ngunit sino ba ako upang pangaralan ka?

Sa mga kumikilos at ipinaglalaban ang karapatan ng ating mga kababayan, wag ninyo sanang kalimutang nag-aaral din kayo. walang makikinig sa inyo kung lahat kayo ay nasa labas ng pamantasan. sayang ang pagkakataon upang lalong matuto. OO, totoo na ang bayan at ang realidad ng buhay ay isang magandang tagapagturo, ngunit ang mga taong mismong sa pamantasan nag-aaral ay hindi nakikinig sapagkat ang respeto ay nawawala. pano nga ba makukuha ang respeto? mag-aral kayo. kunin nyo ang lugar na kinatatayuan ng isang upuan sa loob ng silid. makinig. magmatiyag. makiisa. kung tulong-tulong lang sana tayong lahat ay mas madaling makakamit ang sinasabing tagumpay.

Isang pagpupugay sa mga kabataang nag-aaral pa rin hanggang ngayon. sila na ginamit ng mahusay at mabuti ang kanilang mga upuan. sila na hindi lumiban sa klase, bagamat may isa o higit pang trabaho. sila na kahit sangkatutak na sideline na ay hindi pa rin lumiliban sa klase upang makapagturo. sila na hindi umalis sa pamantasan upang habulin ang pera sa ibang mga pamantasang lutang. sila na hindi dapat nag-aaral, ngunit ginawan pa rin ng paraan, at nagtagumpay. sa mga hindi pinalad na makapasok sa pamantasan, ngunit nagpursige pa rin at nakapag-aral, at ginamit ang natutunan para sa ikauunlad ng sarili at ng bayan, saludo ako sa inyong lahat.

ang litratong ito ay isang imahe. imahe ng isang mag-aaral na sana ay nakapasok, ngunit hindi nagawang makuha ang pagkakataong ito. imahe ng bawat mag-aaral na pinagbawalang pumasok sa pamantasan dahil walang maipambayad.

kung nakakapag-aral pa rin kayo ngayon, saludo ako sa inyo..

ang isang upuan sa loob ng isang silid-aralan ng isang pamantasang hirang. pamantasang tahanan ng giting at tapang. nawa ay maging salamin ito para sa ating lahat na nagawang maupo sa upuang ito. tanungin na natin ang ating mga sarili.

ANO NA NGA BA ANG NAGAWA KO SA PAG-AARAL KO?

change

2008-08-15T22:31:00.002+08:00

i tried changing my blog skin to that of an xml template. but i found it too tedious to do, and i can't find any good xml skins out there.

so, back to my original skin. haha!!

looks like change is tough. :D

blog muna bago matulog

2008-08-15T02:24:00.003+08:00

somewhere between Osborne and Gaebler's Reinventing Government and Michael Tan's articles lie three books.

Zoology.
Botany.
Biology.

welcome to medicine pare. hahaha!!

5-inch books
mitochondria
anaphases
telophases
glycocoats
and so much more!!!!

THIS IS THE LIFE! :D

(i have to sleep unless i decide not to since it would be only a few hours before i start dressing up for school.)

tired. again.

2008-08-13T00:26:00.003+08:00

so much to do. period!

seriously, today's week staggers me with a lot of things to do. papers, papers and more papers. somehow the sound of eating paper entices me. basically everyone who teaches me wants to see me write a whole lot. i like to write, but come on, writing this much can be dangerous!

i haven't been this dumped on work since... since today! my gulay, this marks the first time that i will be experiencing this. if this were just EASY, then i'd probably say BRING IT ON MOTHERF&^*%ER!

but the problem is, its so god dang hard!!!
a lot of work won't be a problem if it were easy. then again, who said life was easy?

buti na lang may Folded and Hung. haha. :D

daming gagawin

2008-08-10T19:48:00.002+08:00

daming gagawin. pero tinatamad akong gumawa. hahaha! grabe nakakatamad. yet, kailangang gumawa dahil para sa GWA ko yun, na mahalaga sa aking pagpasok sa UP Med. hehehe!!

mamaya siguro magsisimula na ako.

andami kong gustong mabili ngayon. mag-iipon ako ng mga dalawang libong piso para pagdating ng katapusan ng Agosto, mamimili kami ng girlfriend ko. sabi ko sa kanya magtipid muna kami. at magsshopping kami! hehe masaya to. di na ako makapaghintay.

ngunit! may isang balakid..

kanina sa aking paglibot sa SM dept. store, nakakita ako ng isang laruan. hindi lamang laruan, kundi isang Stealth Bumblebee Camaro Concept type! ngayon lang ako nakakita non. at isa pa, black and gold sya! (syeeeeet) medyo nawiwili kasi ako sa black and gold ngayon. yung mga balak kong bilhin actually, puro black and gold sila. hehehe!

sa pagtatapos ng Agosto, may tatlong bagay sa aking pag-aaral na dapat nagawa o ginagawa ko na. una, ang aking thesis proposal. haha kung wala non di ako makakapagtapos, at wasak ang pangarap ko nun. pangalawa, ang journal kay Simbulan. kailanman hindi ako nakakita ng ganito ka-challenging na prof sa tanang buhay ko bilang isang mag-aaral. pero keri naman. pangatlo, ang matapos ko ang bio book na pinahiram sa akin. para sa NMAT kasi yun e. hehehe.

sabi ko pa naman sa aking mga magulang, babayaran ko agad ang telepono ko. well, babayaran ko nga sya. hindi nga lang agad. hahaha! :D

bago ko tapusin ang post na to, isang mahalagang mensahe lamang para sa mga senior citizen ng Pilipinas:
(mula sa isang jeep sa Taft)
"Student/Senior Citizen, NO DISCOUNT on WEEKENDS"

bale, nawawala pala ang pagiging senior citizen ninyo tuwing sabado at linggo. hahaha astig!

2 years

2008-08-05T23:54:00.001+08:00

on august 2, 2008, my little blog turned two years old.

ayos! haha!! belated happy birthday sa blog ko. :D

things i got for my birthday

2008-07-29T23:10:00.006+08:00

this isn't actually a blog about my whole birthday, but rather, of the things that i got which made the day all the more special. ahh, life is so good these days. especially when it's your birthday! haha!

a short recap of what we (that's me and me-ann) did. went to greenhills, went to the chapel, ate at CPK which had great food and service but almost ran our wallets dry. then went back to manila, had fun eating at Wendy's and Jollibee. then went home exhausted enough not to write a paper for our major. haha! we are such good students. :D
i had to ommit the tiring and annoying tasks that my mother gave me, because it made me so tired after a long but very fun day. overall, it was a day which we will remember as our "try ou something new" day. haha!

sorry if i had talked a little bit. now, without further ado, here are the things i received for my birthday.

in no particular order:
1. a Nike Basketball shirt - my golly! i didn't really expect receiving this on my birthday. i remember that feeling of being overcome by surprise and amazement because somehow i ended up having a shirt that i've been wanting to buy for a long, long time! haha!!
see!?! such a very good looking tshirt! hahaha!! :D

2. Air Jordan handtowel - another gift that caught me by surprise!!! grabe, nawindang ako nung nakuha ko to! akalain mo yun may twalya palang ganun?! hahaha!!
! oha. sarap nyang tignan lang. parang ayoko nang gamitin. hahaha!! :P

3. A4tech in-ear bass boosting earphones - a gift for myself actually. i bought it in VMall, because they are the only ones selling these at very cheap prices. (370php compared to 600php at MoA! jeez). a long time after my original A4techs broke down, i was on the verge of giving up on finding a replacement. luckily, one family trip to greenhills changed that. i promised myself to buy this on my birthday which i did.
its actually silver by the way, which fits my ipod's color. niiiiiice. :D

4. her - she's not actually a thing. well, duh. but i really, really consider her a something of a gift to me. ever since she's been in my life, everything's come up in roses (which have thorns, so its not a perfect life you know) and well, life doesn't suck anymore. she also gave me items number 1 and 2 so really, i do have a lot of thanking to do. THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR EVERYTHING! you made this all possible. hehehe!!!
biased ano? hahaha! ganun talaga. salamat ng marami!! xoxo

some other things i got for my birthday:
- a new phone (from my parents, which i intend to pay with my own money)
- a toy soldier from Cams. thanks a lot Cams! am now trying to find more ways to make him dance. haha!
- a card from my sister. really good stuff. kikay and all, but hey, its the thought that counts!!
- a teddybear from me-ann. haha di na talaga pinansin ano? kasi naman yung tshirt kinuha yung atensyon ko! hahaha!!!

so there! thus ends my (post)birthday entry!!!! peace on Earth! :P

happy birthday!

2008-07-28T21:25:00.001+08:00

YES! BENTE NA AKOOOO!!!

hindi muna ako magbblog ngayon. andami pang ginagawa e!!! pakswet na skul yan! XD

125

2008-07-27T16:43:00.002+08:00

post number 125. yeboy.

in a few hours it would already be the 28th of July. PGMA's State Of the Nation Address would begin in the afternoon. maybe around 2pm. well, i'm just juggling it in my head. i really don't know what time it would actually begin.

what i do know is, i'll be turning 20 by then.
new phone (which i bought with my own money. using credit cards i call my parents. haha!)
new life
new year
new attitude?!?

somehow i've gotten the urge to bring something new to the table. do things i haven't done. palibasa bente na. hahaha!!!!

no one dare piss me off tomorrow. i'll be somewhere in the metro celebrating with my girlfriend. so there. :D

birthday

2008-07-12T21:14:00.001+08:00

excited.
anxious.
nervous.

yes this is me two weeks before my 20th. ;)

at last

2008-07-03T00:04:00.002+08:00

we're finished. well, i was supposed to write this after the conference, but i was so dog-tired and sleeping was the best thing to do after that.

it was a very stark revelation for all of us. especially for me, as being the one in charge for practically everything, i got to see who can do what and who was willing to do it.

it was surprising for me to know my blockmates better, and to see who were the ones that i can place under the "nuances" column. please, i hope that your incompetence only victimized OUR event, and not the other "things" which rank of higher importance in your life.

in behalf of everyone, i am extending my deepest and sincerest apologies to all of those whose time got wasted (and some who dared not waste their time at all) by our event. and if you have something to say, just be sure that its worth saying. don't give me useless shit and criticism which i cannot use and which i cannot fathom where it came from. so there.

and so continues my very active senior year. damn, if i was this active in high school, what could have happened to me? what type of person would i become now? guess i'm about to find out. :P

Aang, Magnifico and so much more.

2008-06-24T21:22:00.002+08:00

Last Sunday, i managed to catch the last few minutes of Magnifico, starring Jiro Maño. I was able to watch it from the time he died up to his funeral. to my disbelief, tears started to well up in my eyes. I was surprised of course, but somehow Magnifico managed to tug that little string in my heart which is connected to my perceptions of death. As the movie went on, i asked questions to my sisters about the preceding events, on why Jiro's character was beloved by so many, on what he did in the movie and all that jazz.

somehow looking into his bright, lively little eyes (which are not so little anymore. binatilyo na e.) made me realize how much pain such untimely demise may cause to his immediate family. and fair enough, everyone was crying and sobbing. Magnifico made me realize one thing, death definitely is something anyone should not take for granted.

death is like a thief in the night. sometimes you know someone's coming, other times you're just caught off-guard. the untimeliness of death, and the concept of finiteness in life that it embodies makes me think. how would i be when someone really close to me dies?

the closest person whose death affected me was that of a neighbor of ours who was also someone who i played basketball with. our whole place was in disarray that fateful day. some aura of sadness which gripped our place and left suddenly without a trace. a lot of us still remember him, but somehow our place has managed to move on. but i don't know if his fiance and his sons have accepted that fact or not.

personally, i think i'm still not able to handle this concept of death. i'm older now, which means the old people are older too, and the young people then are not so young anymore. the thrill and exuberance of youth slowly ebbs away, and in the end, we all return to where we came. on an emotional and psychological level, death really takes a toll. the human spirit wavers whenever a kin passes away. also, the timing of death is something which should be taken into account. untimely ones are definitely hard to swallow, though some are ready to face their maker.

i had a dream some time ago, which brought me to some pristine beach. and all of my relatives and family members were still young and full of life. from my vantage point, i see myself as a little 2-year old boy, and then i realized i was looking at a moving picture of my father's family and our little outing when i was a little kid. then a voice called out to me, telling me that i should make the most out of the time, because one day all of them will disappear. i really cried in that dream. a nightmare i think. but somehow it instilled into me something which other people take for granted. the gift of life.

people should be thankful of the presence of others in their lives. it is they who comprise who and what you are now. we should all feel blessed.

...

i just finished watching Avatar: The Last Airbender. Aang and Company have managed to keep me awake till 3am for the past two days, and i thoroughly enjoyed watching their adventures. At last an American cartoon worth of my time. Not since the days of X-Men, Spiderman and Iron Man was i able to enjoy US made toons. I've been tracking Avatar for like, two years and was really planning to watch it from beginning to end, but i don't have trust in dvds which have a tendency to skip. thank goodness for the people at watchavatartv.com which made the episodes from Book 1 to the latest in Book 3 available. Avatar is like Full Metal Alchemist on steroids: less seriousness, more fight. But that doesn't make it a boring show. the plot and the mythos included in the series is a vast one to behold. i can't wait to see it come full circle.

if there's one thing Aang taught me while watching him and his companions kick the crud out of the opposition is that, there are many ways to hurt a person, yet there are many more ways to protect that person. Avatar is full of little gems in life which put it into perspective especially to those people who are confused (take note of Zuko, the fire prince) and to those who want to appreciate life, liberty and love a little bit more.

then there's the part where Aang kicks serious butt through the Avatar state. and there's the bender battles. really good stuff. haven't had this much fun since watching Eureka Seven which FINALLY has a movie coming up. please don't screw this up BONES animation. we love you.

p.s.
NARUTO: SHIPPUDEN SUCKS.
they're making a complete cash cow of it. with a length rivaling that of dragonball z and maybe even doraemon! WTF. i don't make out the rationality of creating a filler season when there's so much manga to cover.

p.p.s.
well, it's back to Sgt. Keroro then! time to laugh once more. :)

things that i noticed

2008-06-14T15:53:00.002+08:00

i seriously have a lot of downloading to do. meanwhile, as my broadband connection suffers due to the influx of bytes into the pc, i sit in front of my pc typing an update on my web log.

fortunately for me, i do not have the insanity to simultaneously download all of the shit i want at the same time. not like someone i know who had their workstations crash and have hardware failures because of too much multi-tasking. a computer can only do so much.

so please, have pity in your machines. they have limitations too you know.

thunderstorms have been the rage in my place this week. it has been twice already that loud and gangly sounds of thunder and flashes of lightning have drowned the sound my pc makes and that of the tv. not that i'm afraid of thunder, well a lot of kids were, including me. although i grew out of it like with my fear of firecrackers. i think it really comes with age. you grow up, then you notice that you don't need to be overly afraid of things, though you do need to be careful with what you do.

school's already started. i already have my thesis topic. my, my, my. i hope i do finish it. and besides, i do have a lot of inspiration and prodding to draw out from (naks naman.)

at last i now have a car. well, i just inherited it from my father. i take it for a ride once in a while. i'm still thinking if i could bring it to school (and start a carpool or something. haha). but since then my appreciation for cars has flourished. well, i've come to appreciate it thanks to my friend Miko who had his OJT at Nissan. hawa-hawa na lang e. nagsimula sa NFS tapos ngayon sa kotse na talaga.

somehow i too want to trick out my car. maybe i will someday. maybe sooner if i win the lottery. :P

coming into my college years, i've noticed that my command for language has come up a notch. well, maybe a little bit. i can now write decently in both English and Filipino, and i don't really need music anymore to make my mind work. so now my reading and writing setups both require silence and order to function.

so there, a little update on a few things.
damn it i want siopao right now. i need like, two pieces!!! :D

quite frank, but not really.

2008-05-27T21:40:00.002+08:00

two years ago, only two things mattered to me. my computer and basketball.
take one out, and my whole life fishtails. i panic. i become washed out. i become kind of crazy in a very ugly sort of way. in short it's not really good to deprive me of my only joys. i become a monster when one fails me, and people have suffered because of this. (haha! maybe an exaggeration on my part. but it has its effects nevertheless.)

i really wasn't into girls. not my thing. although a lot of people mistake me for being a playboy. (something which i can perceive either as an insult or a complement, depending on my mood)

my life was simple. get to college. become a doctor. upgrade my pc. become a better ball player. after that, well, i haven't thought about that..

then she came.

this one is for you my dear.

love is a like a free lance (to borrow from Eureka7), it either hurts you or it makes you stronger. depends really on the user to which target he/she wants to point the lance on. sadly for me, my first few brushes with this lance resulted to grave injuries. something that made it hard for me to recover from. it was very idealistic, really. i was loving a person so much but was not given as much recognition as needed.

as a result, it ended badly with me getting slashed (or hurt, or whatever)
for me, my motto back then was: "better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all"

then she came.

i never really wondered how movie romance works. i suppose they put two different people and let the circumstances work themselves out until they fall in love and ride into the sunset. then they stick the destiny, fate, or meant to be something label and it stops there. a movie has a definite ending. no one really wonders what happens to boy and girl after they stop reading the script. unless the movie studio decides making a sequel.

hey, my life isn't a movie. it ain't perfect and it definitely still has no ending. but somehow after she came, i started believing the whole destiny, fate or meant to be concepts that movie directors and scriptwriters are so adept of using.

i still can't believe it. really. no matter what way i stack the precedence of the events that happened between us, it still fits the same perfect picture.

so this is what they call dream-like. its like a dream, but it's real. like a movie set in reality.
you see, she was too good to be true.

every little thing, every bit of what she does and what she is, actually fits to what i like. no, not like, more like love.. yeah, i love everything that she does.

and now here we are. stuck in our half-real/half-movie like lives. still very happy. still very much in love. still enjoying each other's company to the fullest. still doing a lot of things. still going out on adventures. still dating. still living our lives one day at a time. savoring life, and what it has to offer.

no, we don't have everything up by the roses. we fight. we argue. but in the end, we temper each other out. we understand. we forgive. then we get to the fun part again.

but maybe the best part of it is that we love.
and we bring out the best of each other. (hopefully. haha.)

somewhere in the back of my mind i still wonder how someone becomes this happy. then i realized, not only did i love, but i was loved. by the person most perfect to do it.

this time, it wasn't a matter of finding the perfect love, but finding the person that will love you perfectly.

when that happens.. the eyes glitter, the hearts beat faster, the mind flutters, a smile is etched unto your face. and you can't really help but be happy, coz somehow someone found you, and liked what they saw.

magical isn't it? i still can't believe it myself.
she, does things that i realized were things that i really, really liked.
she, sees me as i am. and accepts what i am not.
she, understands me at a level no one else does..

in the middle of these words is a happy child content of what he has..
a hand that fits his hand perfectly.
a smile that makes him smile as well.
a presence that makes him feel good of what he is and what he has done.

and finally..

a love tried and tested, a love that has persevered.

she, is a blessing to my life.
she, is the reason i wrote this. :)

bleep bleep

2008-05-26T15:03:00.000+08:00

FRUSTRATING!
ANNOYING!!!
IRRITATING!
HAIR RAISING!!!

my gulay! sa dinami-dami ng araw!!!!!!!!!!! kunwari lang pala na tapos na kami. bad trip. diyos ko day! XD

after 33 days of practicum...

2008-05-19T21:14:00.001+08:00

I'M BACK.

do i have to say anything else? :P

wishes

2008-04-13T19:52:00.002+08:00

in a few days time i will be hiking off to Pangasinan for one month, in which our team of three is expected to integrate itself into the lifestyles of our fellow Filipinos who have it hard. Living in the provinces hasn't been much of a problem for me, but i'm really curious of what may happen to my other classmates who have no idea what the rough life is. the best of luck to them. and to us as well. we'll need everything to come up with a comprehensive report to do our job. i hope we do just fine. anything that we may accomplish i hope can be of help to the people who we would be living with.

now, back to my real blog topic. wishes. not that i'm going to talk about wishes per se. i'm just going to have a wishlist. a lifetime wishlist if you may. certain events, and maybe certain items. this marks the first time that i will be going to make a list of such, and publish it in the net. but don't get me wrong, i've long kept a list of things to buy every semester since my 2nd year. these things i hope i can buy, or experience in my lifetime.

here they go! (in no order. well, that is, they are the first to pop out of my mind.)

1. Sony Ericsson's W890i
- the first time i saw this phone, it was absolute love at first sight. i just saw the dummy phone last Thursday. By Saturday, the Sony Ericsson branch at Rob Manila already had their stocks, although they were not sure of the pricing. I even had the chance to test out one. It was the best phone i've ever touched! 2GB memory stick + 30MB of phone mem + 3.2MP camera and then the Walkman feature made me want so much to escape the mall with the phone in my hands. haha.. i'll have this shit after prac. if not, i'd settle for either the w880i or the w660i handsets.

SM Bacoor already has stocks of it.
TAG PRICE: P17,500

2. a digital camera
- preferably, maybe the Sony Cybershot or the Canon Ixus series. not really wanting the expensive ones, those with like manually adjusted lenses. a decently priced digital camera with an internal battery, small enough to be in my pocket, has all the basic features, plus those adjustable shutter speeds and then i'd be happy. i think a lot of shots that i've wanted to take need those precise shutter speeds so there.

i don't really see myself being able to buy one, but if anyone wants to give me a digital camera, then i'd be thankful. :)

3. closet full of Nikes.
- people close to me may know how much of a Nike freak i am. (or maybe people who are really close to me.) i'd like a closet full of 'em, like shirts, jerseys, shorts, even the pants they sell. plus about 4 to 5 pairs of sneakers. i'm not really much of a sneaker head. maybe just 2 pairs of casual shoes and a pair of basketball shoes could do the trick.

speaking of pants...

4. Levi's-Jordan limited edition pants
- super collector's item is what they say. come on, a Levi's red tag pair of jeans with a Jordan brand stitched on them? my goodness

5. a pair of Nike Air Jordans
- if i only had one pair of playing shoes in my closet, this has to be it. Any kind of Jordan. from I to XX3. but i prefer the Jordan XX's. or even the XIV's.

6. a Rolex watch.
- nothing really makes a man more than the watch he wears. and wearing a Rolex basically means you've made it. it also makes you a very suitable target for snatchers.

TAG PRICE: i don't really wanna puke when i see a price tag of a Rolex watch in pesos. so i won't look. :P

7. become a doctor from UP-PGH.
- the one thing which may be the undisputed greatest wish of mine. of course i don't expect it being handed to me in a platter. i'll have to work my damn ass off for this. but i know, once i get that M.D. in my name, heck, even just the nameplate, i think i'm going to be the happiest person alive.

for me this is the culmination of my single, solitary dream since childhood. the road i take is very much different from others, which can be my greatest asset. the journey to which i travel has made me more definitely sure that i wanted to become a doctor and serve my fellow countrymen. at dapat sa UPCM ako. hindi pwede sa iba. it's all in my hands. kaya yan. ako pa. hahaha. :P

8. build my own house
- well, not construct it on my own. i just want to be a proud owner of my own house. i'd be canvassing the plot of land where my house would be built, then i'd have it constructed using my own resources. a simple 2-story house would be nice.

i don't want to put up a house in tagaytay. a lot of land there has already been wasted due to worthless land conversion initiatives. this should be stopped.

9. have a family, and a loving wife of course.
- pretty self-explanatory. haha. :)

10. build my dream pc.
- i need an upgrade of my pc now. since having Windows Vista i have seen how far back my pc is. i want the high end ones. but not really that extravagantly priced. you know, just right for the money.

my dream pc should be like (in today's standards, because tech moves at such a fast rate that 2 years from now these specs would be slower by that day's standards)

-intel quad core processor (or maybe dual-core if we can't afford it)
- nvidia gforce 8800 712MB GPU
- 2GB corsair ddr2 5200 ram
plus the old parts of my cpu, which i love (the blue diodes are sooo cooool) :P

maybe i'd like to have the water-powered cooling system. or the liquid nitrogen ones. lol.

so there. this concludes my wishlist for now. maybe i'll add something else. maybe not. :)

am i ranting? i hope not.

2008-04-04T23:30:00.003+08:00

"talaga?"

"weh, di nga?"

"no stir tsong?"

"ang KJ mo naman!"

"totoo ba talaga yan?"

...

enumerated above are exasperated expressions from people around me. Classmates, friends, cousins, former classmates (high school), and maybe more. try bringing me to a neighborhood inuman and you'll see the little known fact about me that drives these dumbfounded exclamations.

I DON'T DRINK. PERIOD.

no, not drinking water and other fluids per se. don't be stupid. what i don't drink is alcohol, and other drinks that people prohibit you when you are young, or in the case of the US, something that is worth getting a fake ID for.

i remember when i was in elementary, the craze when you're young was Cali Shandy. semi-alcohol. it's like the tutorial for drinking beer. it's got a little alcohol content on it, but not in massive amounts like beer. i heard from my friends that it still had a kick (or maybe because we were little kids back then. grade 5 isn't really old you know), and it was a very enjoyable drink.

when i entered college, i presumed that maybe the majority of people in my school drink. and i wasn't wrong. clubs flanked our campus (i study in Malate for crying out loud) and getting a drink was a few steps away. but i wasn't really into this drinking until my classmates started organizing these forays into clubs. it was like a drinking session for the whole block. unfortunately, i only drank water and softdrinks (and a little iced tea) the whole time. people didn't really notice it, since we were like so many (around 20 something).

the time when my non-alcoholism really went into the spotlight was when we were invited into this drinking session at my former classmate's house (name withheld), organized by my current blockmate (name also withheld) because my current blockmate has been experiencing problems of the heart (love for the stupid man who cannot decipher what i am saying).

so there we were, the six of us, minus me of course, who were drinking. since we were really few, my former classmate really tried his best to persuade me to drink. his efforts were vain of course. but this time, they turned on to my girlfriend (who likes to drink by the way), and well, she refused the first time, thinking what might happen if she drinks in front of me. after much prodding however, i relented. the night was one of the most unforgettable nights of my life. in a lot of ways good, and then some bad.

bad. i don't smoke, i don't drink, i don't gamble. practically i don't have vices. if basketball were a vice then that may be my vice. but i don't really engage myself in items which have a "sin tax" on them.

maybe it's really selfish in my part to prohibit someone from enjoying something that she likes to do. but then again, i really hate drinkers. i remember nights when my dad comes home to the house then pukes on the toilet because he was so drunk. thankfully that's over. i remember being texted by someone who was so drunk that she threatened to slash herself because a certain boy did not appease to her feelings (the boy was definitely not me), and the bad part was that in that certain time i was pursuing her. people do a lot of crazy shit when they are drunk. maybe i can attest to some good things crazy people do. but other than that, nah, crazy shit. either being silent or very audacious, wailing and walking in a very unbalanced manner. it would be a really great idea if i had a video camera with me then i'd record the shit they do. but then i'm not a person who would go out of his way to abuse one's alcoholism and ruin their day afterwards.

i don't try to pull off the image of a holy man for not having any vices. it's just that i don't like partaking in activities like that. and the fact that i am allergic to them (tobacco and alcohol) makes me more comfortable in staying as the way i am.

although a dilemma strikes me. do i pursue the selfishness of mine and forbid a person very dear to me from enjoying happiness or do i let the person be? then i'd deal with what happens later. it's still a big problem to me. something that moves me to tears while thinking about it on the bus. haha emote emote pa no?

i'm still buying to the idea of talking to my mom. i don't really know what would happen if i break down in front of her, but maybe she'll be able to talk sense into my head.

or maybe i should just follow suit and drink? nah, not really my style of coping.

blog roll

2008-03-28T08:50:00.002+08:00

kagabi ko pa gustong magblog. tinamad lang ako kakanood ng nba at kasi kating-kati na ako maglaro. hehehe. adik na uli ako sa dungeon siege 2. tapusin ko muna yun bago ko i download yung expansion pack. hehe parang low res na granado espada lang, although limited lang yung classes. tsaka natutuwa ako kasi kada palit ng equips nakikita sa character. parang diablo. hehehe..

kamakailan sabi ng girlfriend ko (nakanang may girlfriend na! haha), nationalistic daw ako. hahaha.. di ko alam kung bakit, pero sang-ayon naman ako sa sinasabi nya. mas may pakialam na ako ngayon sa nangyayari di tulad nung hayskul ako na parang tanga lang. haha.. gusto ko rin na lumabas na ang totoo. gusto ko rin na magkaroon ng kontribusyon patungo sa makabuluhang pagbabago. at gusto kong maging doktor upang magpagaling ng tao at siguruhin na ang lahat ng pasyenteng dadaan sa akin ay may mataas na antas ng kalusugan.

bakit ba ako naging ganito? siguro dahil na rin sa kurso ko at sa pinapasukan kong pamantasan. malaki rin pala ang dulot ng academic freedom sa isang mag-aaral. nagagawa kong makipagsapalaran at makakuha ng ibang ideya mula sa iba't ibang mga katauhan. marami na akong natutunan, pero sabi nga ng isa kong propesor, napakarami pang pwedeng matutunan sa mundo. kaya ngayon nasa yugto ako ng pagpapalawak ng aking mga interes. tambay tambay na sa lib, hanap ng librong pwedeng basahin. nahihilig na ako ngayon sa linguistics at kay Jung. pero di pa ako nakakahanap ng free time tumambay sa lib. siguro next year.

napansin kong tagalog na ang madalas na gamit ko tuwing magbblog. dulot na rin siguro to ng pagiging patriotiko ko. di pa naman nawawala ang kakayahan kong magsulat sa ingles (patunay ay ang 1.0 na nakuha ko sa aking paper na ipinost ko rito kamakailan) at wala akong balak iwala yun. siguro depende na lang sa aking mood ngayon kung anong lenggwahe ang mas pinipili kong gamitin upang ihayag ang damdamin ko. kaya eto tagalog na ulit. hehehe..

so ayan, malapit na pala ang practicum namin. masayang karanasan to. sana maging maayos ang lahat.

aba! nakakatatlong post na pala ako. hehe, kaya nga blog roll pangalan nitong post na to e. :P

something to ponder upon

2008-03-28T08:48:00.001+08:00

Of all the ideas that became the United States, there's a line here that's at the heart of all the others. "But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and provide new Guards for their future security."

- Ben Gates (National Treasure)

?!

2008-03-28T08:27:00.002+08:00

ilan sa mga bagay na aking napansin nitong mga nakaraang araw:

1. meron tayong rice shortage. oo tama rice shortage. sa isang bansang agrikultural tulad natin. nakakatawa. at naglalaan ang ating gobyerno ngayon ng P60 billion para sa bigas!! aangkatin ito mula pa sa vietnam kung saan ang mga dalubhasa ay dumayo pa sa Pilipinas upang mag-aral ukol sa advanced farming and argicultural methods. nakakahiya!

2. meron din palang mga hardcore na tibak na patron din ng Starbucks at Mcdonalds. ok na yung nagsusuot sila ng havaianas eh, pero maging patron ng Mcdo at Starbs? baka hindi kasama sa pinaglalaban nila yung komersyalisasyon ng pagkain. masyado yata silang busy ipaglaban yung pagtaas ng tuition. pero di mo rin naman masisisi yung mga yon, nagugutom din naman sila tulad natin. split level activism ba ito?

3. nakakatuwang ginawa ang Saligang Batas na naglalaman ng kolektibong kagustuhan ng taumbayan, pero may sapat na "leg room" pa rin ito upang mailiko at maabuso ng mga taong nasa kapangyarihan. (tulad ng isang unano dyan sa Malakanyang)

4. may kakayahan din palang mag-number 1 ang mga kanta ni erik santos at kung sinu-sino pang mga dating kalahok ng mga singing contest sa MTV. (pagbaba ng quality standard? haha)

sa kabuuan, masasabi kong bumababa na ang estado ng lipunan dito sa ating bayan. marami pang magagawa. simulan na natin ngayon.

hindi ko alam ang ipapamagat ko rito

2008-03-22T01:28:00.003+08:00

nagbblog ako ngayon. maraming dahilan kung bakit, well, bukod sa hindi ako nakakain ng tokwa ngayong semana santa (hehe :P) e dahil ginawa namin ang taunang "visita iglesia" namin.

kala ko noon 14 dapat na simbahan ang dapat mong puntahan. pero pito lang pala dapat. ayon ito sa pitong katedral na nasa landas papuntang Roma noong Middle-Ages. kasi bawat taong nagnanais magpanata e dadaan muna sa pitong simbahan at magninilay sa harapan ng "blessed sacrament" ng simbahan. hindi pala yung Stations of the Cross yung bida. hehe.. pero dahil napapaloob na ito sa kulturang Pilipino ngayon, sikat na ang 14 na Istasyon ng Krus ni Hesukristo.

masarap ang bisita iglesia dahil para amin, ito ay part nature-trip at part religious activity. at ito rin ang isang araw sa buong taon na ako ay nakakabalik sa aking dating high school. kasi yun ay pinapatakbo ng mga pari, kaya may bisita iglesia rin sila sa chapel kung saan apat na taon din kaming nakilahok sa mga pangrelihiyosong gawain.

marami akong nagunita noong panahong iyon na nagbibisita kami. malaki na rin pala ang pinagbago ko simula noong nagtapos ako sa mataas na paaralan. naisip kong nakakatuwa sigurong magkita kami ng aking sarili noong mga panahon ng high school. ano kaya mapapag-usapan namin? parang tanga lang siguro yun na kausap ko ang sarili ko. pero sa tingin ko, kung nagkausap kami, marami akong ipapayo sa kanya. para matuwid yung mga kalokohan ko sa buhay. para maayos nya yung pag-aaral nya ng 3rd yr dahil dun pala nakasalalay yung UP application ko. haha sana nasa mabilis na daan ako tungo sa medisina. kaso mukhang hindi ganun ang gusto ng tadhana para sa akin. hindi ko naman sinisisi yun, dahil totoo namang marami akong natutunan, nakilala at nakita sa kakaibang daan na binigay sa akin ng tadhana.

kahit ano pa man ang mangyari, pagkatapos ng lahat ay magiging doktor pa rin ako na produkto ng Pamantasan ng Pilipinas-Kolehiyo ng Medisina. haha.

sa kabuuan ng bisita iglesia, nakapagnilay ako sa mga ginawa ko noong mga panahong iyon, mga dalawang taon na halos ang nakakaraan. alam siguro ng iba ang tinutukoy ko. iyon nga yun. hehehe. mahirap pala ang makalimot. mahirap din ang gawin ang lahat ng iyong makakaya na sa bandang huli ay mauuwi rin sa wala. mahirap mapaniwalaan na nangyari ang lahat ng iyon, dumating at nawala, nang hindi ko nalalaman ang dahilan kung bakit kailangan mangyari yun.

sabi ko nga, hanggang ngayon naiisip ko pa rin kung para saan ang karanasang iyon. hindi ko pa rin yata nakukuha ang aral nun.

maraming salita.
maraming luha.
maraming oras.

sadyang napakalaki na pala ng naipundar ko sa relasyon naming dalawa. pero ang konti pa lang naman ng panahong lumipas. apat na taon pa lang. o lima? hindi ko na rin alam.

kaarawan ngayon ng taong mahal ko. pagkakataon upang mapakita ko kung gaano sya kahalaga sa akin.

pagkakataon para masabi kong napakasaya ng buhay na andyan sya.
(biglang kambyo ang pinagsasabi ko ngayon no? ganun talaga.)

weirdo sila

2008-03-15T20:25:00.002+08:00

had a great day today. me-ann and I went mall hopping, sale kasi. nakabili ako ng bagong denim jeans. wala na kasi akong jeans e, 3 pares lang meron ako tapos hirap pa magrotate ng damit. hehe ayoko magslacks andali kasi marumihan. i liked the pair that i brought, soft yung tela sarap nung fit sa binti. plus its just 400 pesos. i hated bench for having overly priced jeans, thank goodness for sales.

kaya sabi ko sa sarili ko, tuwing sale lang ako bibili ng pantalon. kasi sa bench lang ako nabili. (may naligaw na human na jeans kasi nga ang mamahal ng bench.)

many people do not know that I only stick to certain brands. really, tignan nyo yung mga damit ko at mga gamit sa bahay. hehe.. brand conscious ako. i even collect their tags (something that i don't do anymore due to lack of space to put them in)

bakit nga ba? di naman sa nagpapakasosy ako. sabi nga sa klase namin bentahe ng brand name ang panagutan ang kalidad ng kanilang binebentang produkto . if a brand establishes itself as a high quality brand (i.e. nike) then we can say that every other item associated or made under this brand can be expected to be of high class production. that's what's up with brands. i look for quality in what i use, plus i'm too lazy to memorize my sizes on different brands and it's too tedious to fit every single item i'm going to buy. saves me the hassle finding the right size for myself. i can just go in their store, and when i see something that may be worth buying, i just ask my size. no need to make tedious fittings.

so there, a little bit of trivia for people who don't know me yet manage to find my blog.

back to what i was supposed to type, i find some things about people which are weird.
things like:
- going inside the mall when the sign clearly reads EXIT
- going through the male line when they are actually females (not gays mind you)

these two things i often observe of people going to malls. are they stupid? or are they just itching to go inside the mall that they disregard the dignity that they have and embarrass themselves in front of people?

siguro kasi sale kaya nagmamadali. pero kakaiba pa rin. antatanda pa naman nila. at marami sila. wala man lang nakahalata na mali yung lugar na pinapasukan nila.

yun lang. hehe. may cable tv na kami. oye oye. :)

blog muna

2008-03-15T00:36:00.002+08:00

rambol rambol siguro tong post na to. hehehe.. anyway, kakatapos lang ng pag gawa ko ng mga bagay. bale ang natitira na lang siguro ay:
- hum2 na exam ko
- results ng exam kay doc ed. na magdidikta kung babalik pa ba ako ng skul pagkatapos ng holy week.
- curriculum vitae (hindi talaga nauubos ang gawain kay sir john)

ayan na lang siguro. looking forward to my vacation. kahit maikli lang yun, tas practicum na. ok lang. at least eventful ang summer ngayon. kaso di ako makakanood ng NBA playoffs. asar naman yun. hahaha..

grabe talaga ang mundo ng pulitika. sa dami ng taong involved na gustong makakuha ng pwesto sa konseho, ayun andaming pinag gagawa. ay nako, sakit ng ulo.

answerte pala talaga ni GMA. ayaw talaga syang matanggal sa Malacañang. ipa assassinate na lang kasi yan. tas DCG na. hahaha!!!

ayun lang. para naman maupdate yung blog ko para sa mga taong dumadaan dito sa aking site.

p.s.
sa sinumang may alam kung san makakakuha ng kopya ng And1 mixtape tour (kahit anong volume), mangyari lamang na kontakin ako. hehe. :)

three things

2008-03-05T20:40:00.003+08:00

medyo may sakit ako ngayon e. napasobra ang singhot ko ng alikabok kaya ayun nagkasinusitis ako.
sakit sa ulo. hehe tulo pa ng tulo yung mga bagay sa ilong ko. kailangan ko na rin pala magpahinga. pero update muna.

nga pala, salamat kay me-ann para sa cap na bigay nya. ang ganda talaga ng cap. nag abala ka pa talaga no? hahaha! salamat ulit! :)

tatlong bagay lang ang pagtutuunan ko ng pansin dito.

1. freedom wall ng UP
- aminado akong isa ako sa mga tumutuligsa sa freedom wall ukol sa mga nakasulat/likha na napapaloob dito. at dahil dito ay samu't saring mga reaksyon ang nakuha ko, kesyo raw karapatan naman daw nila ang iensayo ang kanilang kalayaan sa pagpapahayag.

medyo napaisip ako, siguro nga ganun iyon, pero may mali talaga sa ginagawa nila. hindi ko malaman kung ano ito, hanggang sa isang araw nakita ko sa akda ng isang librong nabasa ko ang mga salitang ito..

"freedom is only a negative aspect of a whole phenomenon whose positive aspect is RESPONSIBILITY. Freedom degenerates into an arbitrary agent once it is lived beyond the lines of responsibility. As with the United States of America, I propose a Statue of Responsibility as a counterpart of the Statue of Liberty."

sa wakas. ngayon medyo alam ko na ang kulang sa freedom wall natin. ito ay ang responsibilidad. responsable bang paggamit ng kalayaan sa paghahayag ang paghahanap ng textmate sa pamamagitan ng pagsulat ng numero ng iyong cellphone sa freedom wall? gamitin naman natin sa wasto at responsableng paraan ang ating kalayaan mga taong nagsusulat sa freedom wall. wag nating hayaang bumaba ang grado ng responsibilidad at kalayaan sa ating pamantasan.

2. jun lozada
- pareho kami nung pamangkin ni ruthy. masakit na ang ulo ko ke jun lozada. wala man syang pakialam ukol sa kanyang "celebrity" status ay tila sinasamba sya ng mga taong sumusuporta sa kanya.

tama lang siguro na sabihing isa sya sa may hawak ng susi upang malaman ang buong pangyayari. tama lang siguro na mag-ikot sya sa mga paaralan upang ipaliwanag ng husto ang tanong at haka-haka na namuo sa mga kaisipan ng taumbayan ngayon.

pero, sa sympo na tinampukan ni lozada na aking nadaluhan ay napansin kong tinatanong sya ng mga tao roon kung ano ang dapat bang gawin ng taumbayan, kung ano ba ang dapat gawin para umunlad ang Pilipinas at kung ano ba ang dapat gawin upang lumabas ang katotohanan.

hindi ko lang alam ah, pero parang mali yata kayo ng taong tinatanungan.

siguro may punto ang kasama ko nung sinabi nyang gusto lang marinig ng tao ang pananaw ni lozada tungkol sa mga ganoong bagay, pero dapat sigurong alalahanin natin na naging prominente lamang si lozada sa kanyang paghahayag ukol sa mga anomalya sa ZTE broadband deal. hindi po sya isinugo ng Diyos para sabihin sa atin ang dapat gawin upang umunlad ang Pilipinas.

nagtataka lang ako, bakit nga ba tayo may National Broadband deal samantalang hindi naman 1:1 ang ratio ng tao sa computer dito sa ating bansa? hindi naman lahat ng tao ay may access sa mga teknolohiyang ito. mas abala pa sila sa pag iisip kung paano maitatawid ang kanilang pamilya mula sa gutom sa araw-araw na pamumuhay. anlabo nga naman o.

3. campus politics
- sa buong buhay ko sa UP, ngayong 3rd Yr lang ako nakialam sa napakagandang mundo ng pulitika sa pamantasan. dahil nalalapit na ang eleksyon sa UP, narito at nagkalat na naman ang mga kandidato.
ang aking reaksyon sa karamihan sa kanila ay:
"wow, tatakbo pala tong taong ito. ano kaya ang plataporma nya?"

karamihan sa mga poster nila ay hindi naglalaman ng kahit ano bukod sa kanilang pangalan, partidong kinabibilangan at posisyong tatakbuhan. nitong linggong to lang nagkaroon ng mga "kakaunting pagpapahiwatig ng kanilang plataporma" na nakalagay sa kanilang mga posters. (na nagkataon namang huling linggo na ngayon ng kampanya dahil march 7 na ang eleksyon)

kakulangan ba to sa RTR nila? siguro kailangan ko nang puntahan yung miting de avance ng CAS para naman may ideya pa ako kung anong pakulo meron ang mga kandidato ngayong taon.

kanya-kanyang raket. kanya-kanyang papansin. kanya-kanyang pauso. kanya-kanyang pabango. kanya-kanyang sabuyan ng baho. dirty tactics. election protests. di pa kasama dyan ang mababang voter turnout sa pamantasan (na sa aking palagay ay nasa 45-50% lamang.)

ok to a. pareho lang din halos ang pulitika sa national level at sa campus level. sayang, kala ko medyo iba pagdating sa campus level eh. hindi rin pala. ay, siguro ang pagkakaiba lang dito, di masyadong malaki yung perang nadadamay. pero may pera pa rin. bale magkapareho pa rin sila. ay ano ba talaga?! naguguluhan na ako.

paper ko sa hum2

2008-02-28T22:00:00.003+08:00

nasiyahan akong gumawa ng paper kaya eto ipopost ko rin dito para masaya. :D

Man’s Search for Meaning

For many of us, deep contemplation of our humanity only comes into fore in the face of immorality. When events dawn upon us which bump us out of our comfort zone, we begin to realize the fragility of our humanity. What does make an individual human? Does being human become limited to the use of spoken or written language, culture and making mistakes? (to err is human as they say) Our humanity has always been tied to our existence on this world. To this we may ask, does humanity go deeper than what we can imagine? Is there more to humanity than culture and spoken/written language? In his popular book to which this paper has been named after, psychologist Viktor Frankl provides simple answers to these questions. His experiences from the Nazi concentration camps not only gave him a chance to observe humanity at its barest essence, but also go through the same pains and small pleasures that inmates had to endure during those years. Humanity, as Frankl observes, aims to find a sense of purpose or meaning behind every event of pleasure and suffering to which an individual encounters. The instinct of survival is closely associated to one’s meaning of life. Without it, man becomes disheartened and thus, succumbs to death.

Death is one strong indicator of humanity. For the author of this paper, death presents itself as a sign of the finiteness of human life. It comes without warning, and the notion of it compels an individual who is aware that his death may be just around the corner to make full use of his lease on life. Death on the concentration camps as noted by Frankl, become ordinary events which are very contrasting to how modern outside society treats it. The conditions to which the inmates of the concentration camp were subjected can be very disturbing to an ordinary person whom has yet to experience the numerous horrors inside the camps. Deprivation of almost every comfort accessible to man outside of the camp led the prisoners to a state of heightened apathy. It came down to every man for himself, and survival hanged on the balance of the will to live, as Frankl observes. Suffering in an extreme degree has stripped down the individual, Frankl included, to the barest shred of humanity that they had. Aside from the withered and battered shape of their bodies, the blatant disregard for life by those who kept them in the camps have fostered a sense of disregard and hopelessness to life in itself. Should it be unbelievable to imagine that such torture has been endured by someone who actually survived and was able to tell about his experience? The author of this paper thinks so, and with this a vital point of humanity is seen: the will to live.

Frankl describes human will as the primary motivation of man to live and survive in his life. The human will is not a product of his primary instincts (i.e. the ego), but a manifestation of a unique meaning inherent in every human individual. In meaning we also relate the term objective or purpose, or an end to which a human is entitled to fulfill in his/her life. The willpower of a human is nourished by the will to life (or will to meaning in Frankl’s terms), love (in its many forms) and suffering. Why include suffering? Before answering this, we must first focus on how the will to live and love strengthen the ties that bind the human will together. The will to meaning, the general urge to find one’s purpose in life, provides man with a goal that is unique to him/her and which only he/she can accomplish. As Frankl notes, not all of us are able to see instantly the meaning of our lives. Some of us may have a hard time acquiring this, while others travel along paths which lead then further away from this. In the acquisition of this purpose, man finds stability and inner peace within himself together with a new general direction for his/her existence. What about love? Love, other than being a feeling, is a consolidating force which enables a person to see the fullest of another. It is through love, Frankl says, that a person’s full humanity is displayed. The human potential can only be seen through the eyes of the one who loves him, and it is this phenomenon which empowers individuals who share love with one another and lift each other in times of need. Love preserves the fire to live, and as Frankl shows in his book, his love and longing for his wife has been a crucial factor in his survival from the camps.

Suffering, though not something of pleasant orientation, also serves as a crucial factor in the fostering of the will. This combination of pain and stress is a key to highlight another point which defines humanity: the ability to change. In the face of a hopeless situation, or within the experience of suffering, man is given a chance to redefine himself. To find light in the midst of darkness, to be able to see hope in a dire scenario and to be able to transform defeat into a moral victory is a defining trait of humanity. The load of potential which is locked within an individual can be released by adversity, and by going through this problem man finds the virtue of sacrifice. The virtue of sacrifice alters the complexion of a man, and moreover, gives meaning to his suffering. The ability to see meaning in pain and suffering has been a skill unique to humanity. The actual process of experiencing distress enables man to improve upon himself even more, allowing him/her to actualize the human potential locked within. This property of suffering also feeds the human will, and thus completes the triumvirate for it.

Frankl’s book also details the fundamental human freedom, the freedom of choice. Humanity gives man the freedom to choose. In a lot of situations in our lives we are required to make choices, and a lot of times the choices we make have a lot of implications in the long run. Ranging from small and insignificant to big and life altering, the freedom of choice has always been inherent to man. According to Frankl, the practice of this freedom by an individual is a vital part to life. Ultimately the concept of choice directly puts into the hands of an individual the control for his/her life. In having sight of their respective purposes in life, one may choose to fulfill them and have inner peace, or do the opposite. Freedom works hand in hand with the human will to fully utilize the innate human potential of man. With these traits man is able to make use of his/her life to the fullest, IF this is the choice being made. Freedom and the human will guides an individual towards the actualization of his/her life’s meaning. They are the means provided by our humanity to achieve our own ends.

Humanity, when stripped of all the comforts and liberties it has enjoyed, bares itself in its purest before the eyes of an informed observer. The primary facets which include the human will and the freedom of choice allow an individual to attain an ultimate goal or end to which his/her life has become the means. The vast potential of humanity is unlocked by the raw power of the human will, and directed by the freedom of choice. The integration of these two gives clarity and direction to the human life. Abstract as it may seem, the achievement of man’s meaning leads to a sense of fulfillment and inner peace. At the end of the day, it is these two factors that give humanity a tangible face which can be seen, appreciated and used to develop oneself into his or her best.

rally

2008-02-24T00:59:00.002+08:00

FRIDAY. our class did not have the supposed exam because there was a walk-out of the classes which was spurned by the progressive sectors of the University of the Philippines.

being part of this event left an exhilarating impression on me. for the first time in my life i stood up for my rights as a Filipino. in my mind the people are not apathetic, but they are divided unto what course of action to take.

it is the search and clamor for truth which has unified the people. the masses should be careful though, for unplanned action can be used by the ruling bourgeoisie to slither their way unto electing a new leader which is more of the same mold as of its predecessor.

i think everyone should take action. the time is ripe to make history once more.

(sa mga nakakita sa akin sa tv kung meron man, saludo ako sa inyo dahil nanonood kayo ng late night news :D )

new shoes!!!!

2008-02-03T19:59:00.000+08:00

wow, my first post for February. (somehow, the spelling still looks weird to me. i'd rather spell it just Feb than February.)

department week is coming up. i hope to have a lot of fun, since i had a hand in planning the big cosplay event. (i'm sure it's gonna be BIIIIG.)

anyway, mom's birthday is also up for the first week, and we plan to buy her a new pair of slippers. sana magustuhan nya. :)

highlight of the day: somehow i had persuaded my dad to buy me a new pair of shoes. i've been dying to have those shoes for a while now, but i haven't had a chance to stock up some money to buy it. then came the 30% off nike sale. i went nuts. i had to have the shoes. haha! so there, i have a new pair of shoes. i wasn't this happy getting shoes since 4th year, when i my cousin bought me my basketball shoes.

i loaned the money to buy those shoes, which means i'm going to pay them off soon. i've always wanted to buy a pair of shoes for myself. so thanks a lot to my mom and dad!!!! :D

didn't have an active day today. just a typical lazy sunday, loafing around and staring in front of the computer. i've downloaded and converted shows that i am plannning to watch on my ipod. i just installed The Sims 2 plus a few expansions, which means i now have around 5 distractions in my pc right now. i just hope that my pc doesn't break down again. i really become displaced whenever that happens. so now i'm considering an OS downgrade because Vista is totally punishing the pc. It's either that or somehow i hope to get around 20k to overhaul my pc. haha, maybe i should try my luck on the lottery. :P

a few nuisances aside, overall, life's been good lately. hope your life's good too. :)

wala pa rin akong tula

2008-01-29T23:31:00.000+08:00

yes, i still do not have a poem for my class tomorrow. i am having a lot of difficulty trying to piece together words which would be creative enough, yet still pack the informational power for it to be considered, well, good.

i admit, wordplay isn't my cup of tea. prose is. so here i am sending out my apologies to those whom have listened, and may have become offended with my not so good use of words. really, i appreciate you all for not covering your ears as i painfully recite the piece of poetry i created.

poetry made me think twice of going into music too much. maybe i doubted myself writing songs. songwriting isn't the way for me, i thought. producing the song is. applying the beat to it. listening to the song itself. one day i'll produce a song. kumbaga, gusto ko yung trabaho ni errol choi sa coffee prince. :) (pero di ako babaero!! haha!)

yeah, music producer. i want that job. i also want to try my hand at being a club dj. mixing sounds. making people groove to the beat. controlling their emotions through the pulsating beats coming from the turntables. that's why i love daft punk, the chemical brothers and sunset daze. my interest for music production led me to club, techno and house music (though i don't do clubbing). i can envision myself doing such. aside from becoming a doctor. heck, maybe i'll try to integrate that music recovery therapy to my future patients. music relaxes the brain. a relaxed brain equates to a stress free body. finally, a stress free body heals faster, and is healthier.

tonight i was subjected to a lot of stress. my pc went haywire thanks to my sister. luckily, i was able to rescue it. the bad news is, i'm still in recovery mode right now. i think my pc and i share a connection. whenever the pc is broke, i'm broken too. haha!! its funny at the same time very weird. well i can't blame myself for loving my computer. di pa naman ako addict, wag kayong mag-alala. hahaha!!!

i'd rather live without a computer than stay with a broken one. :P

a few updates

2008-01-21T22:54:00.000+08:00

because my blog has degraded itself into a pathetic waste of bandwidth, i have decided to embark upon a journey to refresh it with my new thoughts. wow, such a deep use of language to explain an excuse for not blogging recently.

i don't see myself as an active blogger though. i only write when i feel like it. i let the urge come to me. i don't like forcing myself to write. i think i am a lesser individual when i force myself.

anyway, a few updates for those who still come.
- toxic days are upon us once again, fellow isko and iska. the antagonistic tendencies of our professors have not only resulted unto more sleepless nights, but also a lot less time for us to socialize, enjoy ourselves (in a non-sexual way of course) and and get in touch with nature (something i have enjoyed doing)
- yet somehow, we find opportunities in which to breathe. 3 hour breaks and afternoon classes are such a welcome sight.
- i have expanded my list of things to buy once again. it now includes a pair of sunglasses and a basketball
- unto the subject of basketball, it is the only activity in which i feel most alive. and it unclogs my brain. i just played a few 1 on 1 matches a while ago, and i never felt so alive again. it is alienating to just stare at the computer monitor all day long.
- washing the dishes has now become my official "thinking time". yes, i got to solve a lot of stuff in my head while washing the plates. :)
- i want my SBC mug already (and the planner, and the tote bag, and the pen, and the free drink coupons)
- i noticed that i am now searching for books related to my course, and am now involving myself pretty much into politics, especially the campus variety. damn school. haha.

so that's pretty much it. go visit my multiply. i have pictures there. haha! :P

woo vista!

2008-01-09T08:05:00.000+08:00

wala pang 1 week yung pc ko, nadali na agad ng virus!!! ayus! kaya ayan nagpalit ako ng OS. ganda ng vista, kaso parang kailangan ko nang mag overhaul ng pc. naghihirap na yung pc ko e. hahaha!!!